Tired of sleeping alone

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I just wish that there was one night where I didn't have these feelings of being alone every night, hugging my pillow every time i get this way. I'm in a student housing complex right now for college and I have a room by myself. No matter how many damn times I try to fill the void, no matter how many times I try to drift elsewhere, I face these thoughts and they come back stronger each time.

I just wish for one night, I could lay in bed with a woman (not for sex, just to snuggle) and not a pillow or blankets.

I used to be this way.


The marriage, the destruction of it and all that horrors that brought, and the divorce cured that.


Of course I had a girl friend for a while after that - and once she decided not to share a bed with me because there's "too much negative energy" from me - guess it's from the married years. I fretted about this, but was used to it, because in my marriage she would not sleep with me after like the 4th month.

The next morning, I woke up feeling great!

You see, sleeping alone might still be much much better sleep than sleeping with someone else. There was a reason why people of means had "separate chambers". That sharing a bed thing is for poor people who had no choice. You need totally uninterrupted sleep to be healthy and anybody who wants to put "relationship loyalty" ahead of health is to be avoided.

Possibly some people you can sleep with and others not, having managed a few relationships (in spite of being an as*hole/monster/evil/prick/bastard and other endearing terms) where some I slept well with and others horribly.


But I want you do try something.

Stop doing what you are doing. Stop the pillow hugging, and the feeling sorry for yourself. All you are doing is building yourself up to become desperately seeking a relationship to a point where you will lower your standards. Trust me on this. When you got pathological liar/druggy/gambler/abuser/credit card maxer/car wrecker in your life and it's time to be an adult about fixing that, your reaction is going to be tailored to "OMG I''ll be alone!" and that will only mean a license for whoever to go on and get even worse. I've had this happen, and I have seen it happen, way too many times. So cut out the hopeless romantic crap or you will be in a situation where you are wishing you were sleeping alone.

I'll tell you this. I have been married 25 years. While I do enjoy sometimes, having somebody else in the bed with me, I totally relish the nights he's gone and the bed is MINE MINE MINE! I can sleep all spread out, and even in the middle of it. And sometimes I do that. I get all four of the pillows instead of just two. I can have the covers tucked in. It's great!

Sleep with somebody else long enough and you will LOVE sleeping alone.

Well, sometimes when it's just me, one of the dogs will get up there and lay near the foot, but usually it's just me. Cause I normally don't let them up there. The alpha one gets up there sometimes, and once the other one got up there and rubbed his head on the covers but then that caused a big dog fight so he doesn't do that anymore, only Saban gets up there now.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Guys, know what's encouraging? Telling people that the grass isn't greener on the other side.

I can totally sympathize with what you're saying. It would be nice if they* let you have animals in dorms, then you could snuggle with them at least.

*Most colleges

I remember feeling this way. Then I met my first girlfriend, who leapt into bed with me. It gradually dawned on me that I was sharing my bed with a bi-polar abusive alcoholic who could appear normal to people, then change into a monster after a couple of drinks. Or not. Sometimes she could act normal after a couple of drinks. I dedicated my life to helping her clean up. She sobered up, got pregnant immediately. Then went back to being a monster again. I had to go to court to get the right to raise my daughter away from her.
Trust me, there are worse things than sleeping alone.

I slept in someone else's bed last night and this would have been the fourth time I spent the night with her. I find that her mattress isn't very good for handling sleep disturbances. Most of the time she moves, i could feel it and maybe wake up from it. I am thinking the same happens when I do that as well. I also think my bed is a little bigger as well, and moving around isn't quite as bad. I think maybe I should propose a night spent here sometime down the road. I slept well the first couple of times with this person as well in her bed.
Overall, I am not used to sleeping in the same bed with other people, let alone in the same room. So maybe I should get used to this at some point and figure it out.

When I was younger, I used to feel this way. I craved a relationship, a person to define myself by. I found them. And then I discovered that I didn't like it. Once I left that relationship, I found that...I didn't need it. I didn't have to have a relationship to be happy. I find that a lot of what people perceive as craving for a relationship, that loneliness, is actually a sign of dissatisfaction with oneself. Trying to find the other half of oneself is pointless, as you are a whole creature, and that is what you are designed to be--another person, another relationship, is an addition. Learn to be content with yourself as a whole, realized being, and let go of the need to be attached, let go of the need for jealousy, of the fear in possessiveness, and you will find a great peace. It also has the wonderful side effect of encouraging people to enjoy your presence because such calmness and peace is contagious, and people seek it out.

While I agree that working yourself into a state of desperation isn't a great idea, I don't think stopping the pillow hugging is really going to help much? Humans are tactile creatures and building a 'nest' of bedding can be very comforting, especially if you can find a way to meditate on the warm feelings of your back being protected, your body cocooned in warmth, and something soft in your arms, rather than focusing on longing for another (I know that this is difficult, but it is also very helpful in the long run). It may be worth your time to try and find other people who are interested in casual, platonic physical intimacy, which can run the gamut from simply sitting close enough to be touching skin, to full on cuddling. Allowing yourself to find a sense of community can also reduce feelings of loneliness, especially if you can find people who you can bond closely with.

On a purely physical level, you don't really need to be in a relationship to get touch. I am attracted to folks of all genders, but I spend a lot of time in physical contact with people who I have no interest in sleeping with. It's a fairly odd group of friends, but the increased physical intimacy is very soothing. Touch is soothing. Pets are a great way to have intimacy, especially if you take care of them and raise them in an environment that encourages them to develop healthy personalities and genuine emotional attachment for you--I used to be woken up every morning with my cat curled up against me, while my pigeon tottered in through the catflap and perched on my bedhead, cooing and parading to wake me up and get a play-fight and a cuddle. If you are an animal person (or willing to put in the work to become one!) you'd be surprised how much joy they can bring into your life.

Also while sometimes it's wonderful to sleep with people, people are sweaty and sticky and smell funny and fart and burp and you overheat and the bed squeaks or they f*****g snore or your arm falls asleep under then and they're DEAD TO THE WORLD and you don't want to wake them up, but god damn you're pretty sure your arm is turning blue and preparing to fall off. So, there's that too.

i can sleep very well on my own. i can not sleep as well in company, so i always sleep alone except when tammy comes over, and then i toss and turn and sleep sporadicaly and i say inane things to her that occur to me and she repeats them to me the next day and she demands an "explanation" from me, and all i can say is "well that is life in the big smoke" (which is a phrase i use often).
she wants to have sex with me and i jabber at her and try to redirect her mind because i do not have any desire to have sex. i am not romantic in any way, but tammy still loves me and i also love her because she can love someone like cold cold me and never give up no matter how much she feels spiritually unfed.

never the less, i sleep well and restfully only on my own.