Think you may be taking the OP the wrong way Anon...I don't think OP's really running into trouble with how other people are treating him at this point.
At OP: I know how you feel. My situation was a little different - I didn't go in with that group of friends from elementary school, and in high school I was afraid of having everyone dislike me, so I was always afraid of saying or doing the wrong think when I would meet people (and to be perfectly honest, while I've gotten better with it, I still struggle with it quite often even now). I was always turned off by the party mentality too...never was into those things. I was afraid of pretty much everybody in high school...always afraid I'd do the wrong thing and set the wrong person off. Looking back, I can see it was completely counterproductive...since I never put myself out there to get to know other kids, I didn't really get to know anyone very well in high school. I have a long list of guys that I completely believe I could have been friends with if I hadn't been so afraid of them.
Keep in mind a couple things. First off, while meeting people can result in negative outcomes, they usually don't. Generally, if 2 people take the time to meet each other and at least start to get to know each other, they'll choose either to keep building the connection or, if they don't have anything in common, it simply won't go any further. They won't necessarily dislike each other, they just won't interact any further. So with that in mind, in most cases there's nothing to lose. Either you'll continue to get them better in a good way, or it just won't get any further. So even if you only develop a bond or friendship with someone once in a while, it's still a better outcome than never trying and never getting anywhere.
It won't be easy at first, but start out small. You mention that you have your group of friends. If the opportunity is there, you could start by getting to know some of the people that they know. Spend time with your friends while with some of their other friends, and talk to their other friends...it might be easier to meet new people if you're doing it while with someone that both you and the other person involved already know.
Second, even if someone is of that "partying" type, that doesn't mean that's all there is to them. It's a lesson I didn't learn until university. Most of my friends, while not being the most extreme partiers, do attend parties frequently and do drink quite often. What I've discovered is that, they really don't mind that I'm not into that. They go to their parties, and they don't at all try to pressure me into joining in on that. There's much more to them than partying, and I have found that even if they're into that some of the time, they can still be great friends (of course, they're are those all about partying, drinking, etc...those ones probably are best avoided).
Most important of all, though, is that it does get easier with time. The reason that I've gotten better is because I've met tons of new people in university. It doesn't happen right away. I first started to get better with it back in grade 11...that was more than 6 years ago, and I still have tons of room for improvement. But the more that I have taken the risk, and gotten to know new people, the easier it has become...each new person is easier to meet than the last. It absolutely does get better and easier, but you have to be willing to take a chance sometimes.
That doesn't necessarily mean you have to go out of your way to meet new people, it's just a matter of responding when they try to get to know you. There is not a single friend I have now that I had to approach...all I had to do was respond when they approached me. And I always found that, while I felt nervous and scared going in, the actual experience always seems to be less scary than what I imagine beforehand.
Is it hard? Yes. Will it always work? No. Could it produce some bad moments? Definitely.
But is it worth it? Absolutely. There are some great friends I have now that I was terrified of meeting at first. The first real friend I made in university, it all started when, 3 months into the year, because he lived just down the hall from me in residence, he knocked on the door to ask about working on some calculus together. When I heard someone knocking, I was hesitant about answering it, not knowing what would come next. But I answered the door, allowed him to come in...that one decision to overcome my fear is the cause for the vast majority of the friendships I have now because of the other people I met over time through him (hence my suggestion of getting to know people through your current friends).
(Sorry about the length...I may have gotten carried away a little bit here)
27 Oct 2012, 6:38 pm
