I'm stupid and worthless :(

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There is many peoples on WP who are intellectually gifted and very smart. You would think that someone interested in thing like sciences and physics would be smart, but no, turn out I'm too stupid for what I'm interested in. I didn't learn to read before I get to school or anything like that. I can't do fancy stuffs like programing, calculus, or playing music, and I can't learn it by myself or even by going to school. After all I can't even get through CEGEP, (Some school level just before university in Québec.) it's more work that I can take and I don't want to do "analyse formel" ever again. So I don't have any competence. I suck in my native language grammar too.
Ok, I do appear smart, but that because I can remenber some stuff that I read there and there, not because I'm really smart. So while everyone around me think I'm smart, in true I'm stupid.
I can't get a job, because I can't support the boredom of working, and it's not like I got any competence; the CEGEP is blocking me from any intellectual stuff, and I don't have any manual skills.
Speaking of manual skills, while I like video games and spend a lot time playing them, I still manage to suck at it.
I also barelly get endurance or physical strength, I'm basically a wimp, a wimp who starting from skinny still managed somehow to become fat...

So, I'm stupid and worthless

You are NOT stupid, and you are NOT worthless. I bet you're much smarter than you say you are- and you don't need to have a certain level of intelligence to have worth.

Let me list the things I see in your post which show me that you're smart and worth it:
*First of all, you are passionate about science, physics, and video games. Some people don't even know what their passions are. Also, even if learning physics and playing video games doesn't come as easily to you as it does to some, you understand that you don't have to be good at something to love doing it. That's a life lesson some people never learn.

*Also, while your grammar may not be perfect, you've written an easily understandable post here in English, and I'm guessing your first language is French. That means you're practically bilingual, which is really impressive.

*You say that you "appear smart" because you have a good memory, but I think having a good memory makes you actually smart. It's more than how you appear.

I know how easy it is to get down on yourself- I often feel I'm not good at anything at times. Hang in there, okay?

A formal knowledge of any of the subjects you are interested in is not required to enjoy them. Musically I am a fraud but many listeners praise my 'genius'. In relativity of time one could say a person is an 'overnight success' when one did not see the hours, weeks and years of preparation behind the surface. OP I hope doesn't stake their validation on what a bureaucratic exam form defines as intelligence. Out of the 100s of people I've met, only a handful have ever asked me what my IQ was.

I can relate very much to what you are saying (although I unfortunately can't give you much help), CEGEP aside this is an existential crisis. I feel like I am smarter than some but not smart enough to be worth anything, to be able to make any real contributions to the scientific fields I am interested in. Some people can be content not being highly gifted but I am not one, because my interests revolve around fields where all the people of prominence are gifted.

People think I'm smart when they meet me and talk to me but I think that is only because I read stuff. Put me in a debate with someone and I will probably beat them, but put me in an advanced math class with the same person and they may very well get a higher grade. I also do not play an instrument and I did not learn to read early like my friends. When I started to learn C++ I quit because it was not fun. It seems to me that if I was smart I would have enjoyed it.

I have been dodging IQ tests all my life because I fear it will validate my self deprecation. I don't know what to do or what to say to you other than hopefully we are both mistaken.

I can say, that grammar doesn't make sense and wasn't designed to make sense, I have never understood it and I have never cared about that one. I write based on what sounds right, when I get into SAT grammar I fail.

Glad that there is someone that can relate, at least I'm not alone. Though I'm not very good for debate and argumentation.

What is intelligence? The ability to remember things.

If your concerned your weak, go to the gym.

Economists say ain't no such thing as a free lunch. Meaning basicaly everything has at least some value to it.

Clearly you're in a funk. I've been there and I know how easy it is to feel stupid and worthless under such circumstances. The first step to getting out of a funk is to change one key variable in your life for the better. I'd recommend you start working out regularly. Working out is a good starting point because personal physical activity doesn't give you an excuse opt out (i.e. via some perceived mental deficiency). Don't ponder it too much; turn off your doubts and focus on the doing. If you just commit yourself to doing some regimented exercise every day, you'll be surpised that other things start falling into place.

My IQ is 120, and all I do is play video games. I have a lot of things to be passionate about, but I always ignore them for video games.

When I am done with high school, I plan on finally fixing myself so I can actually finally become who I am supposed to be. I used to love drawing, but I have not drawn a single thing in 5 years, even though I am still good at it.

Improving your IQ is actually possible. All you need to do is reach out to that untapped potential, and work at it until you master it. Your brain is a muscle, and it can be trained to be stronger just like everything else.

But don't be hating yourself, focus that energy on improving who you are.

"Stupid and worthless;" I've called myself that a thousand times and even though I'm doing better (with the help of a lot of medication,) I still feel it. I want so much to contribute and be valued, but I don't have much to offer. A friend once told me that I'm valuable because I exist and I should take joy in myself, but I've never found much about myself that gives me joy.

That said, I've found it helps to avoid negative self talk. The more you tell yourself something, the more you will act to make it true. You are not stupid or worthless. School is not for everyone. I'm not going to bore you with the "you'll find your niche" talk. It's more important to accept yourself the way you are and make the best of it. No one knows what the future holds for them, but if you can stop judging yourself and try to make the best of the journey, things may not be as bad as you think.

In this french video at 1h04min there is some example of questions of the similaritie subtest of Weschler IQ test.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ridk8NPku2Q[/youtube]

1- In what eating and sleeping are alike? -- If you say daily activities or things like that, one point --If you say something essential for human body to work, two points.

I first though to the one point answer before going to the two points answer. That's the easy question

2- In what a reward and a punition are alike? --If you say this is education, or work appreciation, or act consequence, one point. -- If you say method of motivation, reinforcement, two points.

I thought about conditionning, not sure where it fit.

3- In what wind and water are alike?--If you say this is natural elements, fluids, devastating elements, one point -- If you say, force, energy, electric energy, natural forces, two points.

I thought about natural elements and fluid, so the one point answer.


Gifted individuals always give the two points answer, without even thinking, to all the questions. So it mean I'm not gifted , beside having the same interests as gifted individuals, like science. I am the one who suck the much in my interests. I guess I'm hopeless to angst about that, but that's how it is. I feel pretty alone right now...

I want to ask if you have ever had a job since you feel you can not support the boredom of your job, How can you know you are unable to support the boredom of a job if you have never had a job. What would be your dream job?