11 years since my last date

Post Reply New Topic

I'm on pof.com, okcupid.com. I have been on and off match.com with not a single thing happening there. I gave up on eharmony.com since all I see are plain looking women there. I'm lost and depressed. My last kiss was almost 22 years ago. 3 days ago a teenage couple was behind me at a stoplight. They were smiling, talking, looked very happy and they kissed before the light turned green. And I got depressed seeing this in my rearview mirror. There is an 18 year old gal at work. She is cute, spunky and has a very curvy body that most any man would go nuts for. She is a nice gal to be around, but I just get frustrated when she wears her pants that are too tight. Some poeple are lucky enough to find their love in their teens. Many others find that person in their 20s. I got a lot of attention from women when I was in my teens. I had to turn down dates because of a strict church my family went to. Life passes by, I get distracted by my ambitions, then depression and other problems that I have. I leave the strict church and end up out in the real world and it seems like a minefield. I could just about kill myself for not going out on a date with a gal at work in the summer of 2006. She was 20, I was 39. I liked her a lot but stupidly thought about many people in society who would tell me "she is too young for you". She left all of a sudden one day in March of 2007 to get treated for bi-polar disorder. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. We exchanged emails through the years and I find her on facebook april of this year. In July I go and read through her posts and find she has been in a relationship for 3 years and now living with the guy for 1 year. I'm having trouble gathering interest in other things. I would love to find a wife and skip going through all of the exercises of the dating scene. I hate the rejection of the dating scene. People at work are telling me to smile. Some of my co-workers were dressed up for Halloween. I did not dress up in any costume. The owner of the business commented to me about wearing a mask, then he said to me, oh thats just you frowning. I don't know how much more of this that I can take.

Well since it's been 11 years, then obviously something you're doing isn't working. Since you mentioned you're doing a lot of online dating but not getting any dates, it could either be that you have a poorly written profile, poorly written messages, bad pictures, or too high of standards with the women you talk to on them. Luckily all of those things are easy enough to fix. If you're comfortable putting a link to one of your profiles I could try to offer suggestions. And if you're asking women out offline as well, what kind of places are you doing it at? Typically organizations where members share a common interest are good for that, such as cycling clubs. Also since you're older dating is probably going to be a bit harder than when you were younger, but I know plenty of people your age that date both successfully and frequently.

Can we have paragraphs please

Thank you

It sounds like you're severely limiting yourself in who you'd date. Yes, we'd all like a gorgeous 21 year old girl on our arm, but would you rather be alone than expand your parameters a bit? I can lecture you on how worthwhile women are much more than pretty faces and women your age are better companions for you and whatnot, but the harsh truth is that gorgeous girl half your age is unlikely to go out with you. It's not lowering your standards to look at other women, it's understanding your place in the grand scheme of things.

Diversify your interests.

"Plain looking women"? Trying to date someone 19 years younger? Well, I think you have your problem right there. You have great expectations. That never works. I learned when I was about 20 that you do not base your relationships on looks, but on content. When I met my husband I did not even like the way he looked, but I gave him the chance and he was really funny, incredibly smart, and I ended up falling in love with him. After 17 years and a daughter, we are still together. Loosen up a little bit and lower your expectations.

I'm sorry to read about your troubles. these days I seem to go about six months between dates, and I've not kissed a woman in over a year. I've gotten myself used to living alone, but there are moments, usually between big projects that help to sublimate my silly desires for companionship, where I feel some despair.

You just have to bury those feels deep down. Find something to fill your life and give you pride and confidence. Instead of worrying about what you're doing wrong, feel bad for others because they're missing out on you. Be proud of yourself, don't settle, leave the onus to the other person if they want you so badly. Learn to live for yourself, and do not rely upon or base your own happiness on others.

because I've learned that people will hurt you if you let them, and take advantage and use and abuse you. I don't trust a person father than I can throw them, and this has served me well. Learn to live for yourself, so if someone comes along, it's a bonus, but if not, you're still happy.