Trouble keeping friends?

Post Reply New Topic

Basically, for me, getting to know and meet people, form acquaintances and friendships isn't that hard. But keeping friendships are.

I have little problems when meeting people for the first time. When I'm in a new class or were introduced to someone new or joined a new group, I don't have much problems in my first day where we got acquainted with each other. Usually I just pass out as normal for the first time and is able to join a group.

However, after my new friends get to know me, like after we've been talking for a few weeks or so, my weird-ness or abnormality starts to show. and then they usually start to avoid/keep away of me, and don't want to be friends with me. The causes can be various - sometimes it's because I'd act really strange repeatedly in front of them. Or it could be because I done something wrong/offensive to them (which I never meant to do, just I find it hard to understand what is socially wrong or what makes people angry/hate others) Or sometimes also becuase my weird social responses, or because I don't know/understand about things they expect me to know about. These things add up, and in the end people avoid me and see me lowly because of these.

Not saying that I have no lasting/close friends - I do, and they've lasted for a few years now. But they are few, and mostly because we're really alike, share the same interests and they're used to me. But they're the exception, most of the time my friendships end up badly.

Oh and forgot to say, I'm a diagnosed AS since I was 2 yrs old.

Anyone else has the same problem? How should I act cool and keep friends, for the future?

I think your being too hard on yourself.
Maybe you need to ease up on the thought that you should make many friends...
Most friendships occur after schooling... and there are plenty of people that probably just kept one friend from school anyway.
Yes there are some who don't make any in school but after that... there is acceptance from most others.

Maybe you could try being yourself and try not to expect it.
Also, from a perspective... maybe you can try to find some who accept you.

School is a big popularity contest. I didn't realize that until now being an adult looking back. I would try to fit in with the "cool" kids and wanted to be associated with them. But they never really had my back. The true friends you mentioned are the ones you should cherish and maintain. If you're worried about your aspieness holding you back from making new friends because they see it after a couple weeks, don't try to fit in to their way of acting (i.e. if they are a hard person and you're a nice and friendly person, don't try to change who you are to be their friend). Be yourself.

bump for more responses/opinions

I do have trouble making friends and afterwards keeping friends-it is very difficult for me to do-its rough and I just have so much difficulty much of the time-it gets pretty depressing sometimes being alone.

yes I have this problem too.......people get tired of me.

I've lost contact, or at least a significant amount of contact/depth with friends the last few months since college started. They made new friends in a new environment much quicker than I could ever imagine doing, and likely find me boring now. It sucks.

The one friend I had in high school...I've lost all contact with her, and the rare times we do see each other, we don't say anything. There's nothing there; both of us have moved on.

The friends I have now I rarely see, even though a couple of them live only a block away from me. I'm just not one for really going out anywhere with them.

interesting that you mentioned university was difficult. I found school to be much harder. At school it was about who had the most money, power, looks, social popularity contests like some mentioned.

For me in 2nd and 3rd year you can see the people that really want to be there and to study and get further in life. I never really hang out in the cafeteria because it was always too busy, and felt like school in some way. I would just walk down the hallways looking for a quiet place to eat.

looking back now I can't recall a single instance where I actually talked to someone for the purpose to make friends or acquaintances, it was always about a project or interacting with fellow students about the work presented in class.

I wasn't bullied or anything, so maybe I saw that as the positive thing.

For many years, I was put down by the fact that I'm no social butterfly and envious that others seemed to have no trouble. It is a common theme with us who are not NT.
I agree, that in school, it's a social ladder and it will make you feel alienated when you can't find your niche. When they do not understand and leave you behind, they really aren't worth your time anyway.

Being "cool" or whatever is just one big lie. Because once school is over, the reality will hit that in the end, most of your social circle will diminish.
Please, do not be saddened by it. I myself was alienated and always sat by myself when I was in school. Life after school opens up a bit more, if you allow yourself to explore. Don't let this hold you back from what you can become.

It's a fact in life that many of us do not have many "true" friends. Those are rare. Real friendships stay and people will always come and go in your life. It's not your fault at all and never think it is. People live with a mask on. A face they show to the world, and a face that is who they really are. Those who let away their mask and talk to you as who they really are, are the ones who are genuine.

Life is not about sports, celebrities, etc. Life is about learning and accepting yourself. You are your own first friend and you'll always have you. Focus on that instead. The teen years and past the 20s is what will become you if you work on it now. People go their whole lives searching for things to fill a void, or they sit on their buts whining that life is unfair. Well, if you are looking thru depressed eyes, all you will see is the bad in the world. Life is what you make it, and be damned the people who wanna bring down your glory.

I hated myself a long time and up until just this past year I've finally let go and accepted what I am and since then, the doors are opening up... the world is an interesting place, despite how "society" trashes it. You are not worthless just because those people are shallow individuals. You are complex and intelligent (even more so than NTs). Asperger's or Autism is not a curse that one might think. It just makes you veer off a pathway that less people walk, but you will find that many of us walk it as well. You will find friendship and understanding in others whom are willing to take the time.

I have the same problem. Mantaining friendship is harder than creating it. Currently, the friendship I mantained for the longest time lasts from 1 year.