I don't want kids, and i don't like kids?
Just wondering if this is a common aspie thing, People tell me my maternal instincts will develop but I haven't developed them at all. Everytime i hear a baby cry i cringe. I don't even like being around kids because they are too noisy. And bother my sensory issues. Anyone else feel the same way? Because im tired of people calling me a cold hearted b.. just because i dont' like kids. Though i don't want to harm them.
Whoa! I thought I was the only one who felt like this! I can't even go to family functions because there are a lot of little ones that would be running around, and my senses get overloaded fairly quickly. It's not that I don't like kids, though--I literally just can't be around them for any length of time, which is why I pretty much know that being a mother is out of the cards for me.
I don't think it is at all cold hearted to not like kids. I think it is disastrous to have children to please society when you are not into them or willing to do your very best for their well being. There is nothing wrong with not liking kids as long as (like you said) you don't harm them.
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<--- Doesn't have kids. Doesn't want kids.
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I really notice this when I go places where there are noisy normal kids present, how grating their noise is. My son because he is non-verbal is pretty quite. In fact once a week we have an gymnastics kind of thing that we have for kids with ASD, about 8-10 of them and it really is 1/4 of the noise you'd get from the same number of normal little maniacs.
I think there's a difference between not liking kids in general and not wanting kids around you. I'm child-friendly from a safe distance, but I don't want children near me. I can tolerate quiet kids for one or two hours a day, but I (or they) have to leave as soon as they make loud noises.
Of course, I don't want kids at home, terrorising me when I'm busy with SI stuff, screaming until they get attention, playing with my things ... no! I don't have a problem looking after other people's kids for a short while, I'd keep them silently busy with something interesting. But, dear society, that must be enough!
I too am not one for kids... They're cute and fun to play games with sometimes but I have little patience and I couldn't deal with something that needs my attention all the time. I had to get rid of my puppies and kitten because I was unable to properly socialize them, so I can only imagine a baby. I don't believe others when they claim maternal instincts will come, at my age, I'm pretty certain I know myself better than anyone else. No matter how much NT ppl (or just "others") claim to understand, they don't or they wouldn't insist on saying/believing stuff like this, in my opinion. It annoys me.
I like kids, but being around them for a length of time is very exhausting. Ive worn earplugs babysitting bc the baby couldnt help crying, I dont feel bad about it, I could still attend to her without being drained to the core by her sound level. More then two or three kids though sends my senses through the roof, their speed running by in my peripheral vision, their uncontrolled stomping the floor and shaking everything, ahhhh, disasterous.
It is really hard as a woman in this society to not have (and not intend to have) children, because people constantly feel it is ok to ask you about it, and joke about your future children. That is their assumption. Sometimes I just smile and change the subject, it is really no one's business. People have much more tact about other subjects, I wish this was one of them. If someone brings up their plan to have children, fine, but I have never brought it up when it was mentioned.
I love it when I babysit and the parents pick up their children and then I can take a nap in quiet!! ! I will be the best auntie, babysitter, and friend to kids because they are cool, and interesting and quite hilarious at times, but then I have to take 12 hours to recharge.
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A lot of people don't like or want kids, it's not an Asperger's thing. That alone wouldn't make someone cold-hearted or a b***h, and whoever called you that is ignorant. I personally like kids and I have two of my own, but I'll be the first to admit they can be annoying sometimes, and parenting is a really hard job that is not for everyone. People do change, and you MAY change your mind in a few years, but then again you may not, and there's nothing wrong with that.
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You can lead a horse to water, but you can't saddle a duck.
You could be a volunteer like me, having no desire for children.
"Many have chosen not to have children, as this creates karma, and they don't want to have to return to Earth after this life." ~Dolores Cannon
She has several videos on youtube, books and online articles about the volunteers you might also like.
I feel like I want out as soon as possible, get the job done and get me out of here!
I don't think this is necessarily an aspie thing. There are a lot of people with AS who choose not to have children, but that might just be a matter of aspies not being as likely to just go along with the crowd to fit in. There is a strong social push toward reproducing, but there are also people without AS who don't want children.
You might be interested in checking out a childfree site, such as http://www.thechildfreelife.com/forum/index.php , where the choice to not reproduce is supported and you might find some like-minded people in this regard.
I think it's sad that in our culture people are pressured as much as they are (especially women, it seems to me) to become parents without ever really thinking through the consequences, to their own lives and the world, which is already supporting over 7 billion people. Everyone has the right to choose parenthood, but it should be a well-considered choice.
I like kids, myself, or at least I used to when I was young, not so much now. But I can totally understand the desire not to have them. I didn't have children, and I know that my life would have been much different with them. I was able to retire early, and I know I couldn't have done that if I'd had kids.
I don't like children, and I have never wanted to have any. Not only are they noisy but generally nasty as well. No thanks. I didn't even like them when I was one myself. I certainly don't like them any better now.
I also got the belittling thinking they're more knowledgeable than me smile and "it will come" remarks. I'm 35 and as uninterested as ever. Last year I was in a relationship with someone who was open for the idea of having children and despite trying to want one for his sake, I never wanted it.
To me personally there is no upside to reproducing.
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That describes me perfectly! One of my friends is very maternal - she loves kids and wants several of them. Personally, I cannot stand the idea. I am not at all nurturing and hate having to look after people. I hate noise, weird smells, and babies. I've met few little kids I like. When people say, "Aww, how cute!" I just think "Cute? More like dumb and bratty."
I'm never having kids. People tell me one day I'll want to, but I doubt it!
Don't feel bad about it you're not the only one who feels like this. I rather a furry baby (cat) than a human one and say that my kid.
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