I lost the most important years of my life.

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I know that there are alot of people on here that did not get diagnosed until they were much older than myself. I was 26 when I was diagnosed the Asperger Syndrome. I have been very fortunate to have still had been able to marshall the kinds of resources that I had at my disposal. I was able to draw upon different organizations such as the Jewish Vocational Service, the Disability Services Office at the University of Cincinnati and benefits that I was entitled to due to my eight year stint in the Ohio Army National Guard. All three of these things along with help from friends and family helped me to rehabilitate myself to the point where I am at now. I graduate from college this year with a 2.9 GPA, roughly $5,000.00 in my savings account, a mutual fund that unfortunately right now is a little jumpy due to worries about the fiscal cliff. I am also on track toward obtaining a career with the federal government and I have many more plans in the future after I graduate. I have to say that my future is a bright one.


But even with alll that I have now I still look back on the past and it depresses the hell out of me. I think to myself if I would have just KNOWN about what was going on with me I would not have had to live such an awful existence. I will more than likely devote a small portion of my life to getting some of those missing pieces back. But I know that I will get some of them back.

I suggest you reprogram a T-800 to go back in time and make sure you do all the right things growing up

In seriousness, though, JC, I kinda get where you're coming from I hope. There were so many questions you might have had of yourself or why people looked at you or responded to you in certain ways. Why you might have made certain mistakes or taken paths with your life that you wish you didn't even though you are in the fortunate place you are with your life now. And then you got your answer with your diagnosis and now you have you answer do you wish you could go back and just help that younger you with that same answer? Cos that's how I feel sometimes. I might have been able to avoid years of rehabilitating myself if I was able to do this.

I know what you mean, but in the end you can't focus on the past. What's done is done, and nothing will change that. The way I see it, all of the experiences in your life shape who you are today...had you gone a different route you might be an entirely different person now than you are. It sounds like you do have a lot going for you, so despite all of the negative experiences that may have occurred in your past they have also helped to build your optimistic future.

I personally wasn't diagnosed until later either, and pretty much had a completely nonexistent social life until I was like 18 (and even then it wasn't much of one). I honestly couldn't even so much as hold a halfway normal conversation until I was 16 or so. However, even though I would have liked to do things differently if I had the chance, I am truly thankful for all of those experiences I had, both good and bad, because they have all helped me to grow as a person and become who I am today. And we often learn far more through adversity than we ever do when things are going smoothly!

I feel the same way about missing out on things when I was younger and undiagnosed-I cant and have missed out on experiences that all my peers have had-whether they were good or bad outcomes they still lived it unlike myself.

Well, they were NOT in vain, because they've forced you to work through, and slingshot to where you are now. You say you have a bright future ahead of you? It's because of your recovery. Where do you think you would be if you didn't have to endure that? You might have been lazier, less motivated to get where you are now... etc.

Just take everything as a blessing. Maybe you even learned something your gonna need later in life.

You don't know! But you know it was worth it.

I'm one of those who didn't figure out I was an Aspie until my mid 40s--after I had married and bought a house!

I figure it is just as well--I accomplished a lot of things I wouldn't have been able to do had I been busy trying to socialize--or while trying to bring up a family. It certainly is easier being an Aspie when everyone recognizes you as a guru at work... as well as the hobbies you engage in...

One of the things I did recently was to pay off the mortgage--now I don't have to worry about sending in a check every month.

I suffered horrendously abusive treatment in institutional care as a teenager because of various symptoms I had related to AS that were misunderstood and believed to be something else.
It has taken me eight years to start to recover from what happened to me, although I've had a miserable time since as well.

I will never have a happy childhood, adolescence or early twenties. Ever. All I have now is an adult life that I can try to make better than the first quarter of a century of hell.

People who get diagnosed as children and receive wonderful, specialist help all their lives and have supportive families are very lucky and are in the minority amongst AS sufferers.


I'm just glad I know about my autism now. Damage done, but at least I understand myself.

Just work on accepting and understanding yourself

You spend the best years of your life thinking "it will get better" or listening to patronizing crap like "its all a test - you'll get rewarded for it by being tolerant" - and then you hit 30 and realise you wont, and it was a waste.
Oh and your not getting it back either - that was it
Yay!

I am very bitter about not being diagnosed until age 39. My life before then was hell. The only things I have taken away from it are: don't trust anyone, especially those in authority (they really don't know anything,) how to deal with self-inflicted injuries while at the same time keeping them secret, that depression doesn't go away and I'll have to take anti-depressants the rest of my life just to cope, and finally, that emotional pain is a permanent part of my existence.

I can't believe that I wouldn't have been a happier, better functioning person if I'd gotten help when I was a child.

I wasn't diagnosed until I was 22. I spent years isolated but now I have a disability check, a part time job and some understanding and friends.

This was me.

The specialists and support didn't really help. I would rather just not have had AS.

Sure. Life would be easier without AS; for many of us. But I would be a bit careful being so nonchalant about the privileges you have received. Some of us have suffered horrendously due to being misunderstood.

You would be appalled if you knew what I was subjected to as a result of misunderstanding and mistreatment. It has damaged me deeply and affects me every single day. I essentially had a life of lived hell for about twenty years because of my AS combined with my family and environment and mistreatment and misdiagnosis.

AS may be bad enough, but AS plus toxic environment is hell on earth.
So count yourself lucky, because you certainly are.

I think I'm a stronger having not known or being supported by my family. I'm not saying it was easy but it made me strong enough to be knocked down and be able to get back up and ask the world is that the best you got..

Yeah, I get what you mean. Having survived situations, which for an Aspie were like being literally tortured, for years, I feel I have more inner resources than someone who has just had a very stable, calm environment and never been challenged or had to use imagination and sheer dogged will power just to survive their circumstance.

I like the duck

I myself suffered horrendously due to being misunderstood. Knowing what was wrong is of little comfort when you also know that treatment is ineffective and the prognosis for healthy relationships is grim.

Let's just be supportive of each other and not play "who suffered more."

The way you put it before made it sound different; as if you were given things conducive to a pleasant experience despite your predisposition.
I was actually physically and mentally tortured for a lot of my life. I'm sorry, I guess I'm just incredibly jealous and resentful of AS people who didn't have that happen to them. I was in abusive institutional care. It's my issue.

If you're not one the few autistic people I've met whose had a pampered and easy life compared to me because of good environment and families (and I met a few and they really pissed me off), then, well, I'm sorry if I projected that onto you.
But when I say I suffered horrendously, I don't just mean bullying. I mean full scale physical torture, for one thing.

Again, like I said, it's my big issue. I've never had much therapy (minimal counselling) and I guess I'm hanging onto it.
Wasn't trying to play any game