Repetitve questions

Post Reply New Topic

Hello!
My son who is 4 and is still being assessed for Aspergers and ADHD keeps asking the same questions all day long. Its like he need constant reassurance. Exampls of the questions are - "mummy I have touched the radiator is that naughty?" "mummy I have dribbled, is that ok?" "mummy I moved the rug is that good or bad?" mummy I said a naughty word is that ok?" these are some amongst others that he asks all day long. We cant ignore him as he needs to be answered or he gets very distressed. Has anyone else come across this type of behaviour? any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Many thanks

Advice? Yup. But I don't think you're gonna like it.

Develop patience and get used to it.

I'm not being facetious. He may or may not grow out of it, but it is very likely that even if he does, it'll take a lot longer than you hope it does. Welcome to the world of raising autistic children.

Sorry, but I have three, pretty close together, so it can be hard for me to be very empathetic about stories like this. Imagine what we went through and consider yourself rather lucky.

Thanks
I am finding a lot of patience recently, so I am getting there with that one.

At least he is trying to find out if he is doing things right or wrong. Could be MUCH worse! It could be like many kids, and just not care if he is going something wrong.

The only real positive thing I can share with you isn't really advice. It's just hope, but you've got to remember the saying, "If you've met one autistic kid, you've met one autistic kid." They're all different so this may be true of your son, and it may not. Every child is unique.

All three of my sons had very similar traits to this. For a long time we had to endure this kind of thing from all of them, all at once. Each of them though, did outgrow many things, some of them very suddenly, some gradually, some didn't last too long, some lasted for years.

I have a fourteen year old that still can't help himself from injecting random thoughts and questions into conversations that have nothing whatever to do with whatever else is being discussed at the moment. But, he has at least learned to announce that what he has to say or ask, doesn't pertain to the current discussion, and even asks permission to inject most of the time. My youngest, now thirteen, still does this, and still just blurts out things totally unrelated to anything that's going on.

I've learned to sigh very quietly a lot.

I think one of the more distressing features of autism (at least from what I have experienced in our family) is a lack of orientation resulting from deficits in sensory feedback and in social communication. I think the description "mindblindness" is helpful, as it gives you an idea of why there are so many questions. Sounds like your son knows that certain behavior is expected of him, but can't generalize what is and what is not allowed in any given situation, and feels he has to ask every time.

The good news is that he has an awareness that you expect something from him, and an understanding that he should find out what that is. Now you have to help him learn to generalize - for instance, telling him more specific what the general rule behind his question is and how his question fits in. For instance, if he says "I dribbled, is that OK" you could say "Did you make a mess?" (if yes) "Well, when we make a mess, we clean it up. Let's get a napkin."

You hit the nail right on the head. This is exactly why he's most likely doing this.



Yup. Just keep in mind though, that you may have to use several different reply tactics before it starts to sink in, and that it can take anywhere from hours to months or even years. It depends on what the specifics are that he's asking about, his ability to learn to generalize, AND the effectiveness of the tactics you choose to use in conjunction with his level of ability. That's a lot of variables, and why there is no way to predict what will work, how long it will take to work, or even if anything will work.

This is why acceptance is so important. Accept how he is first, learn to adapt and live with it, then start trying to teach him. Acceptance is key.

Thank you all for your input.
MrXxx - I understand what you are saying, there are many things that my son has grown out of, although the things are rapidly replaced by something else.. I just feel a little bit in Limbo without a formal diagnoses, I think the weight will be lifted somewhat when he has a got one, as we can learn more to understand him.

Good luck with the DX. If you've done your homework well, and are convinced he's on the spectrum, don't give up too easily. My middle son was the first we suspected at about age 1. He was eight years old when we finally heard from school evaluations that he has AS, long after we'd given up getting anyone to listen. A lot of wasted years that could have been spent more productively. Don't just rely on the "pros" for this. Do your own diligent research too. If you don't agree with one professional's reasons for not DX'ing him, get a second opinion, and a third if need be. The point is, if you do your homework well, it is possible to learn more about AS and autism than many professionals would have you believe they know.

Convince yourself first. Or at least at the same time you're seeking an evaluation. If you reach the point where you feel you KNOW, don't give up until somebody listens. It's a lot easier to come to full acceptance if you do the work and come to your own conclusions. It's a lot harder if you don't, and somebody else drops the proverbial bomb on you.

He will go through stages, just like any kid will, but if he's on the spectrum the stages he goes through won't all be typical. But I guess you're already seeing that yourself.

My daughter who is 7 and awaiting assessment for AS does this, constantly and it's the same type of questions. If you don't answer her or give her the answer she wants she will have a meltdown. We've already been told by the paediatrician that she has some autistic behaviours.

Thank you MrXxx, I appreciate your advise.

Whirlingmind - My son also has a meltdown if we ignore him or dont give him the answer he wants.. it can be very frustrating x

My son who has Aspergers and ADHD does this EXACT THING and it started around 4yo. He is now 7, and still questions to no end, and they can sometimes be simple questions that he can answer all on his own but it seems he wants ME to tel him these things. He can get upset and question more, etc...he has defenitley had meltdowns over questioning and answers that he didnt like.

MMJMOM - just our of curiosity, when was your son diagnosed? We have been ongoing with assesments here and there since my boy was 2 ( I know that is quite young) but I think as a parent, when you know, you just know!

He was just about 6, but it took a LOT of professional shopping until I found some that actually listened to my concerns and didnt get hung up on my sons charm and intelligence...

He got the Aspergers just before 6, and the ADHD at 7.

good luck, I always KNEW there was something unique about my son, but it took a long time to get a diagnosis.

Have not read replies, so forgive me if I am repeating someone else...

My daughter asked many questions. I fact, she would ask the same question over and over again with slight rephrasing. A common "conversation" with her could go like this:

"Mommy? Do you like the red one the best?"
"Yes"
"You like the red one the best because you like red?"
"Yes"
"You like red because you think it is beautiful?"
"Yes"
"You like beautiful things?"
"You like beautiful things because they make you happy?"
"They make you happy because you think they are beautiful?"
"You like to look at beautiful things?"
"You like to look at beautiful things because they make you happy?"
"You like to look at the red one because you think it is beautiful?"
"You think it is beautiful so it makes you happy to look at it?"
"You like to be happy so you like to look at the red one?"

Seriously. This could go on forever. She has never been able to explain why she did this (she often can explain), but I think it was a very rudimentary attempt at reciprocal conversation. She is a very verbal kid, but she really struggled with back and forth conversations for the longest time (and is still not the best with them, though she is much better).

She persisted doing this until she was between the ages of 6-7, although it got better after she turned 6. What made her stop is that her brother pointed it out to her and told her it was annoying (LOL!) He actually didn't mean to hurt her feelings, but he was--himself--becoming aware of how his behavior influenced the attitudes of other kids, so he wanted to help her stop doing it. He patiently pointed it out to her each time she did it and over time she was able to stop. I also helped her by showing her how to use "I" statements, for example "Mommy, do you like the red one best?" "Yes" "I like the red one, too, but my favorite one is the purple one."

You know, I would LOVE to have your problem. I really would.

I am not saying that you are having a great time, but my son is pre-verbal and I long for the day he drives me nuts by his constant questioning and constant talking. Please wish this for / on me. PLEASE ! !!