I need a girlfriend and it's killing me!

Post Reply New Topic

think this is my 'singular interest' All the people I talk to online have girl/boyfriends, and it makes me real f***ing bitter. Why can't I have that? Why shouldn't I?

Strangely for an AS person it seems I only really think about being in a long term loving relationship, although obviously it is unattainable.

I spend my days, instead of being productive, scouring the internet for a young lady who might just take the time to make me feel less lonely if even for a second.

Every day I feel part of my being dying.

I don't have a girlfriend either, or I have a half-dozen virtual girlfriends, depending on how I want to look at it. Visit Aspie Affect.

I'd like a mate, but I've learned not to broadcast it, over these forums. I tend to be a little racey, if I do.

Know what you mean I spent loads of years trying sites you find you probably won't get anyone you will want to really meet off the net people's view is

" they is no one sat at the other side of the computer "

Mainly virtual gfs.. and most say they single but really have a bf that really hurts when they hand the phone over to them...

Special when it takes you alot of time to pick up the phone and phone them....
Don't know if everyone’s been in this one but they tend to ditch you with the " your too shy bs " sat around 4 hours before waiting for someone to come back from the toilet

Want to go to group meeting stuff and outdoor groups and bump into someone...

Strangely for an AS person it seems I only really think about being in a long term loving relationship, although obviously it is unattainable.

Yep I do not think of ever just wanting to do a 1 night stand...

This is not a strange thing for someone with AS to think. I know quite a few people with AS who want a partner, but it is going about getting one that we have the problem with normally, as many of us may know what we want to do but can't. Plus the whole loneliness thing is a common feeling for Aspies, and trying to get a partner is normally the first thing that springs to mind, the second thing firendship (unless you take no interest in relationships that is). I don't think that what you want is unattainable, it's just harder finding someone who understands the way you are, trust me I know. I have found someone who understands that I have AS and can't change, but then hey you may meet someone with AS too. Just out of curiousity, how old are you if you don't mind my asking? And have you been looking for a long time?

I'm 20 years old and my memories of romantic times fit in a battered old file box in a dusty back corner of my brain. I haven't had a girlfriend in 6 years and I have to admit I am pretty lonely for female company. I don't see much chance of getting one any time soon. Actively searching doesn't really help in my opinion. If you come across someone who seems like your type, do what you can and don't try to hide who you are (they can tell when you're lying ). I like a girl I'm working with on a theater production. I've been engaging her in conversation and we will see if things go anywhere from there. Most likely nothing will come of it besides some pleasant conversations but that is fine with me.

Don't really agree to this as people think im lying when im telling the truth, plus i don't think they can detect it as why are so many in screwed up relationships...

Good point. I should have said that people in general can tell when you're putting on an act almost like a dog smelling fear. I don't think it is a conscious thing like "Hmmmmm, Micheal's trying to act like he's cool today," but more of a feeling that something about is not right or false.

I'm 19, and I've been like this for about a year. What makes me feel even worse is that I can;t see it changing

"I'm 19, and I've been like this for about a year. What makes me feel even worse is that I can;t see it changing"

Ah I remember being 19
I still had plenty of hope then
and altough I have become slightly more pessimestic
I try not to get to forlorn.

Do you generaly mess up chances at relationships or are the oportunites not comming along?
If its the former convince yourself that at least oportunities are presenting themsleves even if you are messing them up and that eventualy by the law of adverages you will not mess one up.
If the latter convince yourself that the only reason your alone is you have yet to meet a kindrid spirit.

Self delusion is an essential part of learning to live with being lonly.

this is 100% how i feel. i am 22 now and i i am thinking all the time about how much I'd like to have a girlfriend.
in spite of this, my only "experience" in this area has been that I fell in love with a girl who sometimes sat in class beside me and i felt a kind of ecstacy when i inhaled her scent. I had been "in love" with her for 4 years in school and couldn't help but watching her all the time during all the breaks.
Nevertheless after 2 years or so she got a boyfriend of my class and i hadn't once expressed my affection to her or anything. I just felt in exstacy whenever she asked me something and then i became very red in the face and had problems concentrating on what she had asked.
She used to chew chewing gum, and even now, years later, i can feel ecstacy when I smell that chewing gum on other persons.
i don't think i'll ever be able to get a girlfriend

i am german, so sorry about my english

You're 19 - I was single when I was 19, and it was ok. And it will change I'm sure, but I can't tell you when unfortunately. It may be in a week's time, it may be in a year's time etc etc. But it's worth it if you are patient enough to hold out for the right person. And you are still young as well. I think the point I am trying to make is that you shouldn't focus too much on this, as it will continue to bother you. I used to bother about it and it made me miserable. Then I stopped looking and felt happier. I still didn't meet anyone for a while but I didn't care. In my experience, it's always so much better when people just come along unexpectedly as opposed to looking. When you look too hard, you can miss out on chance things that are so much better and more worth it as you tend to go for what you can get, and you, like myself, deserve more than that. So stop looking would be my advice. Easier said than done but it does work eventually. It is up to you what you do, but ultimately you have to think about making things easier for yourself. And, believe it or not, people can detect desperation/self pity etc etc, or what they perceive to be this. If you don't give two hoots, people wil also pick up on this as you will come across more chilled and in control of yourself, and you may even come across as being confident (but not big headed of course) and people like this. Just my opinion.

You are female (or am I wrong?), so IMHO it's different with you. Females meet the right person, but males have to come forward and make the first step. I think it is way easier for females.

Loneliness is hard but dating some chick that sucks is worse - Trust me, my 'dream' girl, or the face of her, was horribly tainted yesterday. Now, I'm eyes wide open on the subject. I see value in myself but I see value in others - when I see someone that can hold themselves together, I know my opportunity is now.

Its odd, but I'm starting to 'feel' how 'stopping the search' will actually result in success..

Girlfriends are over-rated, lads. Wait until you meet a girl who you know is right or they'll just make you more miserable.

From my own experience, this is not always true. I know of females who have had to wait a very long time for a male to make the first step, and I know of males who get hit on by females quite frequently. I am male, and most of the relationships that I have been in have started with someone saying to me "Hey, I'm interested in you and want to get to know you better." However, I did have to wait for it to happen (I am not one of the males who gets hit on by females frequently, but usually once every couple of years someone that I am interested in says something like that). However, if you take that approach and you aren't patient, it leads to frustration and passive-aggressiveness (trying to dress, talk, act, etc. so that they notice you and then getting upset if they fail to read your mind). That goes regardless of what body parts you happen to be equipped with.

In some ways it feels like I've taken the long route, since I did things that way for a long time. It worked, sort of, but even when it did I felt scared to be myself because I wasn't sure whether they were with me because of who I really was or because of the act that I put on to get their attention. If I dropped the act, would they still want to be with me?

Now I've recently started focusing a lot more on making and maintaining friendships. There's generally less physical intimacy involved , but that is the main difference that I am currently seeing. And it is helping me develop better relationship skills, and also taking off a lot of the pressure to find one person to be with for the rest of my life. I'm currently 26. When I was 19, I had had one relationship and it was over the phone and the Internet with a young lady halfway across the country from me. It ended badly. Seven years later, and I'm happier with my life than I think I have ever been. It's been a slow process, like I said, but the more I have focused on my passions and what I enjoy doing and what I want to do in life instead of focusing on trying to make someone fall in love with me, the better it has been.