I am good with people! Do I really have aspergers?

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I have been told I have aspergers since I was 10 and now I am 15 and go to a school for people with aspergers. But I only have meltdowns once a year, maybe twice. I have been told I express myself well and I am good with people. Yet in every other way I seem like an aspie. I hate people, I have obessions, when I was a baby I had meltdowns, I have ichy clothes, I hate loud sounds, I offend people and I don't do well with change or crowds. I was diagnosed with aspergers but because I am good with people my mom is starting to think I don't really have aspergers. They know I had brain damage when I was born and maybe thats why people think I am an aspie. But you can still be an aspie and be good with people, expressions and comuicating, right?

Well once you are no longer in that school, you will realize your social skills are much worse than you think they are. I mean, if the only people you interact with are other aspies then of course you are not singled out. So try going to normal school and then come back to us and say if you still think you are good with people!



Since you mentioned you offend people, then you are not completely good with people.



What kind of brain damage did you have?

I'm actually pretty good with people myself--so yes, you can be an Aspie and be good with people.

But, it takes much longer for an a Aspie to be as good as a normal person in all sorts of social situations--not just a few. For instance, most Aspies have trouble starting a conversation with a stranger, making a little small talk, and then cordially ending the conversation.

If you hate people and you offend them, in what way do you mean that you are good with people?

Aspergers can become residual, which means that the symptoms lessen and lessen to the point that you would no longer be diagnosed with the condition - I think around 20% of Aspies experience this.

Last edited by Shellfish on 17 Nov 2012, 5:18 am, edited 2 times in total.

I can be great with people - when im in the mood.
But try 6 hours straight being "good" with people and then finding out you cant go home and relax because you now need to do another 4 hours of socializing and small talk. NOW how good are you with people

Don't forget that, like me, you are a female on the spectrum. Females are generally more sociable than males and talk about different things to males. Therefore when a girl has Aspergers, they can be pretty good at socialising but still have great difficulties in other areas. I've been told that I can have a lot of empathy for example which according to the expert we are not supposed to have (or in my opinion show) but in all the other ways I am definitely on the spectrum.

Spot on.

hating people is NOT a characteristic of aspergers.I.n fact I would argue it is a trait that would rule out aspies. Perhaps you meant you prefer alone time(which would suggest you aren't as good at expressing yourself as you think )
Aspies long for friendships but are usual shy, awkward, or prefer some space . schizoid typal's usually hate people. Aspies like all autstic (and even non autistic) disorders, occurs long a spectrum. This means that those with the most mild aspergers will be vastly different than those with the most severe. You have some symptoms(obsessions) but are good at expressing yourself. I used to doubt my diagnosis because I as well am ok with people(although some days I a so awkward), but going to an aspie group opened my mind bc there are other aspies who are pretty typical.In order to be an aspie you have to have autism that is there but not bad enough to be considered HFA...so having mild issues like you do, but nothing crazy leads me to believe you prob do have aspies.

I think social skills can be measured in lots of ways. In some ways I'm very good with people. In other ways not so much.

If I'm unsure, I don't what I'm thinking, which just means I come across as shy rather than offensive. On the whole, people find me funny and they like me. In that way people wouldn't think I'm an aspie, but being funny is a result of AS. It's saying things very literally which comes across as sarcastic. I guess I'm lucky in that respect that NT's misunderstand and just think I'm very jokey and cheeky, rather than it going the other way and them thinking I'm offensive. I have realised recently that I'm better because I've always tried SO hard to interact in the "right" way. I have no idea if I have done, but now I realise that it's okay to screw up a conversation sometimes. I don't have to beat myself up about it.

I would also agree that you might find difference when you're out "in the real world" - there's some children I work with in a "special needs" school. Some of them are a lot more socially able than others, but that's when compared to the other students. You might be lucky like me and be able to get along relatively easily compared to a lot of your peers. AS doesn't mean you're completely socially inept.

I feel like "offending people" is sort of an iffy topic. I have found that people who are truly socially adept are rare, and you can tell when they are, because you leave the conversation feeling better than you did before, and like you are liked by one person. I think most humans offend people. I know that when I person says "Whoa! She talks!" or "Whoa...you use big words.." they are rather awkward themselves.
Directing negative attention at people is not a socially adept behavior. In my opinion. And I see it a lot in day-to-day communication with people that are considered mainstream.

I think I come off as a bit disdainful, even though I'm usually wallowing in self-hatred, but I think people like talking to me, and I have been told I have a flair for creative wording. I'm polite, and maybe offensively formal at times, but I would feel intensely uncomfortable to be unduly familiar...
I feel like social skills are such a relative measure I'm sure you're fine.
I think that having lasting and meaningful relationships with others is a better measure. (meaning yes, you can have those with AS, but it's a challenge and may not be at the same pace as others your age)
In short, to answer your question, it's possible, but like anyone else on this site I have no way of definitively saying yes or no.

I suppose one measure of how well liked you are--how many folks visit you in the hospital that aren't your immediate relatives?

I was in the hospital and was visited by dozens of casual friends and co-workers--much more than anyone else in the rehab ward.

My social skills were actually quite good up to the point of making casual friends and working with co-workers, but I was in my 30s and had never gone on a date!

Don't know.
Some people with aspergers get better in dealing with people as they get older. Maybe you are one of them.

I'm the same way, I have only meltdowns a few times a year or so, and I do enjoy being with people and I always considered myself a "people-person" I can be good with people but I make a ton of mistakes

I talk too much to people rather than with people
I interrupt a lot (more of ADHD)
I either give too much in a social situation (talking too much) or I take too much and just sit back and feel bad because I feel excluded
I also don't like small talk... I'm not totally bad at it, but I just don't like it because it's mentally exhausting.

You can be good at being with people, having a friendly and pleasant personality and still have Aspergers, it can be just making a lot of mistakes, having an imbalance in social give-and-take, or just find it hard and exhausting to socialize

no you do not

I don't think it rules it out. Aspies can be misanthropes just like anyone else can. It's not an AS trait, but neither is the opposite.

Anyway, I think AS people can be good with people in some situations. In my case, I don't have a uniform social deficit - I have skill scatter in that area just like any other area.

For example, a few weeks ago, at church (I'm an atheist, so I wait downstairs while my parents attend church), this one lady came down to prepare something and broke down crying. I started talking to her, and she was saying she had an infant nephew with a serious medical issue and she was worried he was going to die. I have an intense interest in medicine, and in particular an interest in how patients and family deal with medical issues, so I knew what she was going through. And I used my knowledge of medicine to reassure her that what her nephew had is something many kids outgrow, and there are kids with that issue who grow up to have no lasting problems of any kind. I also provided a sympathetic ear to her feelings, and agreed about how sad it was when a little kid is sick, basically making her feel it was OK to feel what she felt. When she finally started to calm down, she thanked me and said I'd been a big help.

On the other hand, I also didn't realize she was upset until she literally started crying. So in that sense I'm not so good at social skills.

In general, I find when I know how another person feels, I'm good at handling it, unless my own emotions get in the way (which is a separate issue). But I don't automatically pick up on subtle cues to tell me how others are feeling. I can 'turn on' reading subtle cues, but it takes a lot of effort and is still less accurate.

I'm doing a paper on social interaction disabilities, and one thing that paper has made clear is just how many dissociable skills are involved in social interaction. Recognizing facial expressions is different from recognizing tone of voice. Imagining what someone else thinks is different from imagining what someone else feels. Recognizing when socially relevant cues are present is separate from knowing what to do with those cues once you've noticed them. Recognizing one emotion, such as anger, is separate from recognizing another emotion, such as fear. All of these skills are handled by different brain regions, and there are people with brain injuries who have issues with some of those skills and not others.

By definition, an autistic person has to have impairment in at least one area of social skill, which is severe enough to impact on their everyday functioning in social settings. But that doesn't mean other skills can't be intact, or even better than average.

Does your school do anything to identify what you are good at?

I've heard that at Roses for Autism, they try to identify skills that are useful in the workplace. For instance, they discovered that one young lady was really great at making arrangements out of dried flowers--customers loved them! Probably not something the average NT could do--making arrangements day after day, but something that a lot of Aspies could handle...