What "NT-like" games have you noticed people play?

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...that either have been designed to manipulate you, make you feel bad, exclude you, or something else?

Subtle games especially...

Games that people play and think they've escaped your Aspie (or Autie) radar....

I have an example. Someone was trying to bring me down. (I once was vulnerable and told this person that sometimes I feel like a loser.)

Guess what. Next chance she got, she made comments like "loserville", "lose, lose, lose" in reference to other people that we both knew! She didn't actually use the word "loser" because that would be too obvious. But she made it clear what she thought of "losers".

I don't think anyone is a winner or a loser based on conventional success or lack thereof....I was just feeling insecure on a particular day because I thought that is what people thought of me

So to condense this, here is one catty, NT-like game people play (assuming this isn't just paranoia on my part)..... :

1. Say something negative about yourself.
2. The person does not directly respond to your negative self-reference but shortly thereafter, makes vague, subtle references to put others down this way. Thus, they are hinting to you that they disapprove of you in the same way, but since they are discussing others and not using the exact words, you can't call them on it.

Do you have any examples of catty "games" people play, either to manipulate you, make you feel bad or something else?

NTs are often quick to tell somebody "you talk to much". Then they proceed to talk on the phone for a long time like "you talk to much" doesn't apply to the phone. They think the phone is exempt from that like it doesn't count or something.

In my opinion, most people talk too much. NTs talk a lot, moar moar moar than most autistic people, I think.

Telling me to sing for them, which I refused to do.

Telling me to dance for them, which I refused to do.

Telling me to make animal sounds, which I refused to do.

Treating me like I wasn't too bright.

Dismissing me as a fool who didn't have opinions of my own.

Telling me to play when others were playing sports of the 90s.

Talking about men and sex in my presence.

Repeatedly asking if I have sex, do drugs or drive.

I walked into that factory with the mental strength of a leader.

I left the factory feeling run down like Mick Avory repeatedly was by Dave Davies between 1964 and 1984, three years later. I almost ended up in the hospital.

NTs often ignore shy people and act like they're weird for being shy. But they don't try to actually talk to the shy person themselves, so they're doing the same thing in a way from the other side of the fence.

Not sure what you're looking for, but I think I have a good example. Sometimes a guy I know will give me back handed compliments, like how I'm so unique and it doesn't seem to bother me to be an individual, and how I never go along with the crowd, no matter what others think of me. He does it in way that implies I'm not just different, but isolated in my existence. He's said other things like that, but he seems to word it like it's a compliment. Like it's so great that I don't fit into any one category, when really he's just trying make me feel bad. It's kinda obvious what he's trying to to do.

1. The aggressor insults/provokes the victim in a subtle, non obvious way.
2. When the victim gets angry/offended/defensive the aggressor implies that the victim is acting in an immature/rude/stupid way. This judgement will be backed up by all the surrounding NTs in the gathering

This game allows the malicious player to insult the victim twice, while at the same time laying the blame for the incident entirely on the victim.

Or they draw attention to the shy person's shyness in front of the whole group. "You don't say much, you never speak up, you're very shy aren't you?" I can never work out why they do it - the times it has happened to me it doesn't seem like it has been a bullying tactic, the group seems to be interested in hearing what I think, but why don't they understand that a shy person doesn't want everyone's attention drawn to them and it will only make them clam up more?

Yeah, when they finally talk to the shy person all they say is "whats wrong with you? how come you don't talk much?" Instead of trying to start an actual conversation about a subject of interest. The shy person should then mock them by saying: "uhh, because you haven't said hardly anything to me either". That's funny cause the NT is the one that pretends like socializing isn't a big deal in the first place.

Nt's compete with each other all the time. To come out and ask a shy person in a sensitive way why they are shy, would be to show compassion or weakness in some way.
If you are different anyway, you are automatically labelled as such, and thus if you dont follow the crowd ppl will isolate you. To be seen showing compassion to a person different to your crowd, is seen as a sign of weakness or that you wish to leave the current crowd. NT's seem a little afraid of doing this, unless they are emotionally mature enough to stand out every now and then.

The best game they play, is deciding they know what is right for you, and how to solve your problems for you - and either proceed to do things to "entice" you into their solution, or simply - to tell you whats wrong with you, and how to fix it.

I dont know about anyone else, but im happy with me - YOU all have the problem with it. If you cant handle treating me like me, then i dont want you trying to get me into your social group.

Usually the "you talk to much" comment is in reply to:
* you've gone over their head, and they don't want to admit you are smarter then them, even if it is only on this subject
* you've pointed out an uncomfortable truth they'd rather ignore (in my experience, this is a major trigger)
* they're bored with the subject at hand, or tired of following that discussion.

It is seldom strictly about the sheer volume of noise.

I wish I could give examples, but the problem is, because I have always failed to understand why other people behave in such negative ways I can't analyse it and attribute it to a particular type of game-playing.

All I know is I have had my gullibility abused and laughed at, been bullied (including in the workplace), been made fun of, tricked and manipulated etc., and I am well aware that NTs play games. I just can't and won't play them.

This! It pisses me off!

Telling me to change because other people wont accept me and they claim they do accept me but there telling me that because they care. I dont fall for that one anymore.

Bring tricked and manipulated

I can definitely identify with this scenario. Sometimes, people who mean well and are your friends may use this technique to lightheartedly criticize your actions in a way. I know a few NTs who do this...and the people who do this often joke about things a lot anyway so you kind of expect it from them.

In cases like these, I can see that the person isn't obviously trying to be cruel, but just letting you know by hinting that maybe what you are talking about is something that people might not want to hear. The person in the OP's scenario is doing this in order to get over her own uncomfortable feelings from the OP telling her about that side of himself...laughing it off so to speak. The thing I've learned from instances like this is that you have to be really careful about what you share with people, and to only share things like this with a therapist, a significant other or a best friend.

An example from my own life: A while ago, I used to have a thing for slightly younger boys and was pretty open about this. I got over that a while ago, and began dating my boyfriend (we are still together). I know him through a mutual friend: this friend and I mutually like and respect each other and we love spending time together. However, she sometimes doesn't know how to deal with my oddities (and the oddities of my friends as well) so occasionally she'll bring something up in a joky sort of way as it's her way of dealing with it. So at one of our hangouts when my boyfriend and I started going out, she said "Oh, I thought you were into little boys!" while my boyfriend was right there! I quickly changed the subject, of course. My friend is a genuinely great person, but it's her reactions to things like this that worry me sometimes. People like this need to realize that embarrassing other people is not the answer to making a quirk go away, but respect and being direct is.