Why weddings are evil

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Just got back from a ten hour wedding shoot, as a favor for a friend. Were it not for the great pay, you couldn't do anything to get me to go to another goddamn one of these. They are pure evil.

1) The a silly stupid fantasy. Middle class families pretend for a day they're "swells" spending absurd asinine amounts of money to stay in fancy hotels and have weddings in big f*****g churches, and big f*****g reception halls, and get gloriously in debt, and for what? It's a minstrel show, only they're playacting that they're rich.

2) It's the most special, important day in a couiple's life, so what do they do? They have a wedding like everyone else. It's all planned, regimented, down to the minute by a planner. They are all assembly line, boring, forgettable, worthless.

3) Wedding toasts. This particular wedding, had three toasts, which in total was 23 goddamn motherfucking minutes of self indulgence, of boring, awful people convinced they are interesting, as they tell boring stories about their dull as dishwater kids. Newsflash: you are boring, your kid is boring, they're marrying a boring person, and they're going to have boring kids.

4) The pressure on single people. Everything is geared toward couples, while the singles sit around excluded, having everyone's f*****g happiness flaunted in their faces. And the only thing that they can get involved in is the stupid garter and bouquet toss. f**k all the pressure by these f*****g married twits to get single people married. As if happiness is only to be found through marrying someone.

5) How ostentatious! It's all about flaunting. The biggest church, the biggest cake. Look at how happy we are. I just want to tell the bride and groom to go f**k off already. They're just like every other twit who got married.

6) I'm beautiful and you're not: weddings are full of beautiful people dressed beautifully with beautiful husbands or wives, who'll go home and have beautiful sex. And you can't have it. And there is no beauty for you.

6) Ultimately, weddings are a reminder, that two people have found each other and are happy. And I haven't. I spend ten hours of my day filming their special day, and I wonder, "When is it going to be my special day? What do I have to do, on top of everything else?" Looked and looked and looked, and all these couples I film getting married, they seemingly found their love on the first crack at school or at work. The groom is always handsome, and the bride always beautiful. And they have beautiful friends. Everyone has their place and someone who loves them. And I hate them for it. And I want it too.

agreed, its all conforming to social norms that let people just show off that they are happy.

me + wife + judge = lots of money for a special honeymoon and then some.

i would probably throw together a dinner with a few select family members to celebrate, but still under 500$

8) It's all about the bride. The groom is just there to say "I do" and put a ring on her finger. The wedding is planned for her, not him.

Yeah, it's just a show for the woman. Pretty self centered and self congratulatory. Receptions are fun though.

Not all weddings are the same, actually. My dad and stepmom got married by a judge. He called me after I got home from school, asked me how my day went, and then said, "Oh, by the way, I got married today."

Weddings can be good, as long as they're creative, friendly, honest, and not so damn expensive! They don't always have to be evil.

The nicest wedding I ever attended started out as a garden party on a sunny, summer day. The pastor stood up next to the host and announced a "surprise". Then the bride walked from the house and up to the pastor and the host. The vows were said, and within a few minutes, the pastor pronounced them husband and wife.

The party continued into the wee hours, and everyone went home happy.

In my community, weddings are relatively simple even for those who can afford far more.

The simplest I know of was a neighbor I went to school with. The first notice anyone had of the wedding was when they showed up to church that Sunday morning and saw in the bulletin that part of the church service included a the wedding ceremony. The second was looking around and seeing a number of relatives of both the groom and the bride. After the service, there was a simple home-made meal made by the parents.

Brian...your cynicism has warmed my heart; I couldn't have possibly worded it better. I think Radiohead's 'Nice Dream' is my contribution to this thread: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDLkaISa-B8

You've obviously been going to the wrong weddings. You need to crash in on some weddings with a bunch of hot single women like in that movie with Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson.

As a parish priest I always used to warn couples to avoid wedding planners like the expensive plague they are. One couple didn't take my advice, and the planner reduced the church part of the ceremony to a cattle market. (Don't know what she did with the rest of the event: I was still in church recovering....)

Oh, and avoid glossy magazines about weddings as well - they are only after your money, and yes: they do it by a subtle mixture of appeal to pretenteousness and undermining of your confidence to do the job yourself. And anybody who tells you you can't get married for less than £18,000 is a highwayman: I can do you a lovely wedding service for £300.

And finally, my Very Special Service.... it's your wedding, not her mother's! If you find yourselves under pressure to do anything you don't want, just let me know and as priest I will ban it. This was a very popular offer.....

I really want to get married and have a wedding with the theme of a surrealist fascist dictatorship. Really really really. Like with me being the dictator and my husband being the vice president or something, and the priesty person being the minister of propaganda, and all these propaganda posters as decoration. Then judge people on the quality of their costumes, and the best dressed people get given their food first. And the cake will be shaped like an extermination facility.

Everyone says that there's no way a man will want to get married with such an unromantic theme. So this might be forever a fantasy. Then I can go with my backup 'crazy cat lady' plan.

I hate Weddings.

9) The bride's mother, in her garish, ill fitting dress and her oversized attention seeking hat, trying to steal the limelight. FFS your time has been and gone you wizened old sow, back the f*** off and let the young 'uns enjoy their day.

i hate weddings. i've been to 3 in all in my entire life and i dont like them at all.
they remind me of what i don't have. so i just sit at the table and drink.