i heared these kinds of comments and read threads like these too often, both on WP, on other sites and in real life, so allow me this spweing of relieve...
<rantmode *on*>
not putting in the work? who says i'm not putting in any work.
fact of the matter is, if i thought i'd be entitled to sex, or even just company of a woman, i'd get a random phonenumber off the internet and text to that.
just going to a situation where i can talk to anyone that isn't a roommate of family (male or female), is already great effort on my part, due to social anxiety and a slight fear of new and/or unpredictable situations.
then, when i'm there, there is always a myriad of conversations going on, usually mixed with music, meaning i can't focus on anything without spending extreme amounts of energy to tune out every sound, and then some more energy to actively listen to what i want to hear.
now that i am have the opportunity to talk to a girl, i have spend more "social energy" then i have to go around on a single day, so i will have to recover for days to be at this point...
after doing all of the above, lets start a conversation, but everyone is already talking in a group; but due to social awkwardness and a general lack of training in social situations, i wont know how to join a conversation unless i have something useful to say at a comment that is thrown out of the group, let alone that i know how to keep a conversation going or even get someone out of the group for a private conversation.
let's assume i did manage to join the group conversation, then there is the aspergers effect of barely being able to read bodylanguage; if i can even see it trough the irritating, overload-inducing lights and all the movements going on around, so i will not be able to respond to indicators of interest that are any more subtle then dragging me away by the arm.
so if i do all of the above on a regular basis, just to try and practice my conversational skills, you say i "dont put in effort" when i dont acively ask a girl outside for a talk? puh-leees.
</rant>