Relationships

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Are any of you currently involved in a relationship? How easy is it to communicate with your partner? How about to relate emotionally to your partner? How about to relate physically/sexually with your partner?

I sense this question is for Aspies and I am not - I am bipolar. I will answer anyway because nobody has yet. I am happily married (a year and a half now) and in all three aspects we are happy. Things can be difficult and communication is a lot of work, even in a happy marriage. He understands my disability and is very supportive. We are from two different cultures which makes extra work but adds value also.

I have a bf. Communication is difficult. Not only do I find it hard to speak up and have a lot of shutdowns, he is the type of person who talks so much he doesn't always notice the other person has said anything. That makes it hard for me to communicate things.

Emotionally we do ok, I think. I love him, he loves me, it's all mushy and probably makes people around us nauseous.

Our biggest problem sexually is that I am incredibly afraid of getting pregnant, which he doesn't understand. We have had a heated discussion or two over that. I also have more limits than he does, I was a virgin when we met and am not ready for certain stuff.

I'm involved in a relationship (he's NT. But very shy, and has social anxiety). Our communication is pretty good, maybe better than some NT couples. We were friends and used to talk a long time after class was over (summer course), and he started opening up to me more and more. He's no longer shy around me. I definitely have the hardest time communicating (vocalizing the point I'm trying to make, and especially about how I am [emotionally] feeling in regards to something). However, he's gotten adjusted to that, so the frequency in which issues that were arising from my communication struggles are now becoming fewer and fewer.

I can relate to him emotionally pretty well. Sometimes I think I don't understand the extent that he's trying to show/tell me that he feels/cares for me, but I do my best to try and understand. I have to credit my boyfriend for being very understanding, patient, compassionate, and caring! He's had to tell me many times certain ways he feels before it really "registers" in my mind, I guess.

Physically and sexually we're good, too. I like his touch, and I like how he feels (his hair, his skin, his hands, etc.).

This is probably the easiest relationship I've ever been in, (how we interact, get along, and connect, really), but it's definitely had some struggles. Another big difference is that due to my boyfriend being understanding and patient, he's encouraged me and reassured me when I had trouble communicating, whereas other men that I had been involved with would tend to get frustrated with me, which lead to guilt on my part, and also lead to me resenting them.

With the exception of a few relationships, they have all been dysfunctional. I get a lot of know-it-all control freaks who act like I cant do anything. I am getting a lot better at communicating, but it is still a working progress. I just wish more men would ask me questions instead of assuming things...its frustrating.

For a long time after a friend suggested I might be Aspie (I'm pretty sure she and I both have what I call Aspie-dar - same principle as gaydar, except it means you can spot an Aspie a mile off instead of a gay person) and I researched and concurred with her (recently finally got a formal AS diagnosis!) I worried that I'd never find anyone that I could have a healthy relationship with. That was around the time I first became physically disabled due to fibromyalgia (I'm a wheelchair user because of it) - who's going to want to take on a weirdo folkie in a wheelchair???

Had my first boyfriend at uni when I was 23, but it didn't last long; he broke it off. I don't hold any bitterness, though, and he's still a good friend (anyone who says it's impossible to be friends with your ex - it's not true, but you do have to get lucky with the circumstances) and he and my boyfriend of over 2 years now get on really well (they're a lot alike - longhaired speccy roleplayers with a prankster streak, both of them; I think I've worked out my "type"!)

I met G at a Tolkien festival in August 2010. The following month he persuaded me to go along to an event he was running, we got together at that event and we've been together ever since. He's accepting of me being Aspie and we work with it. He gets me out of situations when I get sensory overload, *before* I have a screaming meltdown. I can talk to him about anything and everything - if I have a problem with something he's done I tell him straight out, and he does the same with me. This means the world to me because I can get easily intimidated by people with strong personalities (like my housemate - she doesn't want to know how to live with an autistic because it might mean she has to be less self-centred and demanding). My boyfriend and I never have those issues. He understands me and what I mean when I don't communicate well - he can do Katherine-speak! Sometimes he has to translate from Katherine-speak to English (and sometimes from his basic understanding of British Sign Language - I work in a deaf school and am planning to go into BSL/English interpreting - because when I get stressed/tired, English fails me, even though that, not BSL, is my mother tongue).

I know that I'm incredibly lucky, and I'm thankful for him every day.