please please help me please helpme pleas

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please help I just it's not stopping and I have no money. I want to go to a therapist or a doctor and get help because there's something wrong with me and its not my autism please help me please please please please please I can't go because I'm just a kid and I tried to tell my mom that there's something wrong with my head but she tells me to eat more and work out and sleep more but I can't do any of those things because food has no taste and I can't walk because my entire body hurts and I do sleep I do I do I do I don't sleep at the same time but I sleep and I just want it to stop please help me please
it started I think three weeks ago or something when I tried to kill myself for the first time and I've been thinking about crap like this since February when i realised all this crap. that I can't do anything and all this optimism I've built up is just a lie. I'm not good at anything. I don't want to work hard. and I can't get anywhere if I don't work hard. even then who will remember me in 100 years nobody because no matter what I do when I die all my thoughts will die with me so why bother.
I told my friend and I think she hates me because this is half of all I ever talk about to her and I think she hates me and wants everything to go back to normal. normal like me smiling and laughing even though inside I don't feel anything.
I hate everything and everyone and I hate myself and I want to die but I can't because I can't hurt my family and I can't hurt my friend because she's already lost so many people and she said she would be so disappointed in me if I did. but I can't i can't i can't i can't i can't anymore and I don't know what's wrong with me and I've been taking over the counter antidepressants but they're not working
I don't know what to do. I can't feel anything. I feel relatively fine by day but then by night I break down and everything hurts and I just want it to stop please please please please please help me please please please please please please please please

Over the counter antidepressants? Like what?

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so awful. I think you need to get your mum to listen to you and perhaps you need to go and talk to a doctor. If your entire body hurts and you think something is seriously wrong with you apart from your autism, I think you need to go to a hospital or print off this post and show it to your mum.

saint johns wort and fish oils and on top of that sometimes Advil for the headaches and backaches but they're not working

I tried I tried telling her but she refuses to believe there is anything seriously wrong with me and if I tell her I want to kill myself she will lock me up and tell at me that I'm being ridiculous so I'm stuck without any help and stuck not being able to kill myself and I am stuck and I don't know what to do

I do not know how we can help. *hugs*

The reason I asked is because St. John's Wort, fish oil and that sort of thing are not nearly as effective as prescribed medications like Elavil, Lithium, Paxil, Risperdal and so on. If need be, convince your folks you need help as soon as possible.

You're 18 - can't you go on your own? I don't know how the system works where you live... I know here in Canada it's no big deal and cheap or free.

Is there anyone else in your family you could talk to if your mum isn't listening? Are you close to your friend's parents, would they listen?

What country are you in? If you're in the UK there is The Samaritans, you can phone and speak to a counsellor anytime you're feeling bad. Is there anything like that where you are?

Are you really 18? According to your profile you are, and in that case just call up a therapist/doctor and ask them for help. They'll do anything they can to help. If your really not, then just call a family member.
- DO ONE OF THOSE TWO. Right now!! 18+ call therapist. Under 18, call family (or friend). Just do it.

Remember you are not alone in this. I've been there and I know how terrifying these feelings are. If you can't talk to your Mom, talk to your doctor. You are fighting a sickness right now, don't blame yourself. Tell your doctor that you tried to kill yourself (you may not want to tell your mother this.) These feelings are awful and so hard to fight. But keep fighting. It's worth it.

I honestly don't know anything about the physical symptoms you described, but I do know about depression.

First of all, its good that you have come here. Emotions are like a raging river, and the skull is like an overstressed dam. The best thing to do is let it all out. If you your mother or your doctor won't listen, you feel worse. But you can also do that here. Even if we are not face to face, telling someone does help.

Secondly. "All this optimism I have built up is a lie" that is only true if you believe that it is true. and what you believe about yourself can change in a split second.

this might not help, but I would like to share with you, some words that one of my prfessors shared with me, that I have never forgotten, that helped me through some difficult times.


LIVE A LIFE THAT MATTERS

Live a life that matters.........
Ready or not, someday it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.
Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, mean spirit and jealousies will finally disappear.
So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won't matter where you came from, or on what side of the tracks you lived, at the end.
It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.
So what will matter?
How will the value of your days be measured?
What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built;
not what you got, but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage, love or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.
What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.
What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you..
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.
Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a matter of circumstance, but of choice.
Choose to live a life that matters.