Telling her I like her

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Hello, since a few months I have become better acquainted with a girl who studies at the same college as me. Since a few weeks we have started to talk to each other more and more (via Facebook and in 'real life') , and right now I talk to her on a daily basis (with conversations generally lasting from half an hour to 4/5 hours). These conversations have turned from casual banter to casual banter that includes some things I could consider as 'hints' (i.e: she calling me cute, smart, funny) and one time when we were going out with mutual friends she went outside to smoke and suddenly asked me to hug her (which I did, and which was nice). I have discussed this with a friend of mine who knows her , and he says that she had said that she was 'fascinated'/'intrigued' with me.

Over all, we have become quite fond of each other, and I would like to tell her I like her and , eventually, ask her out
Pro's : - she knows about my AS and knows how to 'manage' my quirks (i.e: something I call 'encyclopideanism', which is the monotonous reciting of facts on a certain subject, and my difficulties with eye-contact etc.)
- she knows a lot about me and I know a lot about her
- We make each other laugh
- We share a lot of common interests
- She is funny, pretty and sweet

So, does anyone of you know how to tell her in real life that I like her? I have never told any girl that I like her, so I do not know how to put this gently (without coming on too strong). Any thoughts/ advice/ tips/etc.?

Well, I am no expert. But give it something like "Hey, I want to take you to dinner sometime, is there any food you do not like?" See, there you have softened the question by compounding it with another. It's good to make physical contact while asking too. A good time would be after a hug while still holding her, or if thats too much, put a hand on her should or another non-erogenous place.
There are subtle hints you can give of your attraction to her. While you two are talking glance down at her lips once in awhile. this is a subtle clue that you are thinking about kissing her.
Ask without any desparation. Ask like if she said "no", then hey, it's no big deal. If you put too much nervous emotion behind it you'll look...well...nervous, and not confident. Ask her, if she refuses for whatever reason, no big deal. carry on for awhile. and if you notice the same or more attraction from her, ask again.

Hi JosefK! What I will say to you is very the same what a friend said to me:

First you need to make her understand that you like to be with her, not only in the college context. So you need to call her to take a drink or to dinner. Nothing formal, because you need to enjoy the "date", but you can't call her to drink at your house or hers. She needs to enjoy too!

Don't tell her that you like her or something like that. First you need to show it to her.

I am with a girl now, but I was alone during the last 10 years and she is the 2nd girlfriend that I found, so I'm not a specialist.

I liked Maerlyn138's advice!

Good Luck!

as othere said ask he to do something outside of college by the sounds of it she will say yes.
id sugest a few drink and dinner or just the drinks haha. you will need to show some interest in her in more then just a friend way, eye contact is good hard i know! maybe look at her head above her eyes instead. and touching her just like your arm around her and pull her close to you when sitting hopefully you should be safe to make the move then! dont be nervous of making a move if you show confidence she will hardly ever back down!

Don't profess your love to her.

Think of an activity that you two can do together and invite her, be it dinner or something. I would suggest avoiding a movie because it doesn't give you a chance to talk and invite her.

Look for hints like if there is any food she likes, places she likes to eat, movies she wants to see (the exception to the movie rule would be if she says "I really want to see -movie-)

I was not about to 'profess my love', hahaha, just breaking it to her that I find her likeable/cute/charming and see where it goes from there

First of all, understand that telling her you like her is your idea of what the next step should be. It's a construct, and you constructed it. Begin your evaluation there. For example, ask yourself this: What is the likelihood that someone on the spectrum is going to do well at figuring out not only what steps need to be taken in social/romantic interaction, but also the order in which those steps need to be taken?

I think if you answer yourself honestly, you'll come to the inevitable conclusion that you're probably not the best person to be figuring out what to do next.

From there, it will make a little more sense when I suggest that you should probably have started a thread where you simply explain the situation and propose the idea of sitting her down and spilling your guts, then asking if that's a good idea...instead of asking HOW DO I SPILL MY GUTS?

In my opinion, it's not a good idea to just spill it like that. There are ways it can be done without sending her running for the hills, but I really don't like your chances.

Now, as I give you my suggestion, keep in mind that girls who are naturally attractive to Aspie-type guys tend, in my experience, to react very favorably to our social awkwardness. Sometimes, the more awkward we are, the cuter we get. I don't fully understand it, but it just IS.

Having said that, my suggestion is that since you're on the spectrum and she's not, it makes more sense -- logically -- that she would have a better idea of how you should proceed from here. So, embrace the awkward and ask her for her opinion on what you should do about her.

For example, you might say:

"So hey, I was thinking maybe you could give me some advice.. I've been trying to think of a way to let you know that I really like you a lot, but the only thing I can think of would be to just come right out and say it, but that seems really heavy and forward and I'm kinda worried it would freak you out, and I don't want to do that. I'm not very good at figuring stuff like this out, so it kinda made more sense to just ask you rather than take a chance on screwing it up."

It's bold, but it's not forward, and it accomplishes the goal even if she doesn't actually give you a suggestion. She may just hug you or something instead. It's the perfect solution. All you'll need is about 20 seconds of courage to pull it off.

I can only dream.

"Hey, I think you're really cool. Want to go out sometime?"

It's not like your professing your undying love or anything.

If that's too forward for her than she wouldn't be able to handle dating an Aspie anyway......

cmjust0 I was in my own little world. Sorry. I was daydreaming of what it would be like to have a guy I cared about professing his love to me.

How would I like tha to be expressedt? Well, it depends on the guy and the situation, my mood at the time, and how the message was delivered. I wouldn't like someone to declare their feelings for me straight away, because that would mean they were either a) desperate, or b) hasty and could later regret them.

Saying "I love you", is just too cliche and vague. I would appreciate special gestures, or continuous displays of affection, or letters/emails telling me how I am special in their world. How they like my wit, or appreciate my gestures, or how they like the feel of my skin, my scent, my eyes, or to hold my hand.

Or, just give me a Ferrari, and that would seal the deal.

Kiiiiiiiding!

AspieOtaku...if you insist...

Yeah, don't outright tell her you like her. I agree with the others that making a suggestion that you go out to dinner or do something just the two of you or something like that. She'll probably get the idea. If she asks "Like a date?" you can respond with a little more information... Good luck and be sure to post when and if you do. We're a voyeuristic bunch here.