Lying to Yourself

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Does anyone else try to make themself believe something or try to convince themself of something? Let me clarify.

For years I have tried like hell to convince myself that I like being alone, not having friends, not going out, that sort of thing. Last month I went to a music concert for the first time... ever. I loved it while I was there, but on the drive home, I felt like I had broken one of the major "rules". I NEVER go out on a Friday night, going out on Friday night is for the "alpha males", I am not even a beta.

I try to convince myself that I am content with my living situation, being almost 26 and still living with my mother and teen sister. I feel like I have wasted an incredible amount of time. Everyone I graduated with either went to college, the military, or otherwise landed a good job, a hot wife, and great kids. I haven't the first clue how to start a relationship, the one girlfriend I had initiated our relationship.

I try to be content with what I have, but this picture is all of my worldly posessions, other than my car.[img][800:540]http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/59629_300115553438215_783117300_n.jpg[/img]Just one small room, i could fit everything but the dresser in the trunk of the car.

That's a very depressing picture, actually. I'm not sure how long I would last there. I'd abuse so much drugs that someone would walk in and find me hanging from the ceiling.

Believe it or not, the hardest "drug" ive ever used is chewing tobacco. But yeah, Im 25 with no criminal record, been told im very intelligent, been told I will "go far", but this is everything I own, except the car, and a 13 inch TV that only gets one channel.

The shiny thing on the bottom shelf of the stand is an award plaque I recieved in technical school, i just never bothered to put it up, im the only one who would ever see it.

Im pretty sure prisoners have more stuff than i do.

Positive thinking, my friend. Makes a hell of a difference.

I have convinced myself that I want to spend my life as a hermit. A hermit tavelling around the world in the airship he uses as a house. To be fair, I actually really want it, but let us b honest: even though it is possible to do that, I do not have the money, expertise and motivation needed to build such a machine. Also, I will eventually get lonely: travelling around the world while avoiding civilization means I will probably talk to myself a lot more than I currently do.

Sorry to be depressing, but isn't positive thinking a form of lying to yourself? OP, I admire your willingness to see your situation for what it is. Take stock of what you have and what you want and then make a plan to make what you have closer to what you want. If it takes completely changing yourself, ask yourself, is it worth it? What changes would you need to make? We can't "un-Aspie" ourselves. So you gotta work with what you have, which you are certainly doing right now. (the secret is to want less, to tell that overburdening ego of yours that if you wanted out of that life you'd do the stuff you needed to, until then, just be okay with yourself, everything else will fall into place).

Kinda my point... The OP seems to be describing positive thinking as "lying to yourself", but I'd say it's more of a choice of attitude.

Like you can choose to see the positive in the situation or you can be "realistic" and only look at the bad. I'd say look at both... It makes you happier. But both sides can describe the other as "lying to themselves"... Of course, there are those who are in exceptionally negative circumstances, and of course negativity exists, that's not what I'm saying...

Anyways, enough about positivity. I'm sure I'll get in trouble with someone about talking about this. If you want to know more, there are plenty of books (that are on my reading list) or mantras that I can recommend.

It's kind of refreshing to see someone clarify that looking at both is healthier. Looking only at the positive is just as unrealistic as looking only at the bad. I'd like to point out that you put that in quotes, and that is quite appropriate.

Thinking positively can actually feel like lying to oneself, and maybe it is in a way, but thinking either negatively or positively can become self-fulfilling prophesies.

The difference between the two though, is that only negative thinking by itself, is self-fulfilling. Positive thinking by itself (without considering the possibility of negative things happening), is not self-fulfilling. One has to be realistic in one's thinking, because negativity is, whether we want to admit it or not, part of life. If you don't take the negative, as well as the positive into account, that's not realistic, and you won't be prepared to deal with the inevitability of negatives.

If you think only in negative terms however, your doomed.

Actually, my lifelong dream is to acquire an old Greyhound or similar bus and convert it to an RV and drive around the country.

and that's God's honest truth

That is also a good idea. Another goal I have (a backup plan in case the airship does not work) is to acquire a large terrain in an isolated area, build a small house and fill the terrain with trees, a natural pool and some rocks for climbing. Like a smaller, saner, childless version of Michael Jackson's Neverland.

I don't know. Is living an isolated life healthy? I swear, most of the time they mention murder-suicide in the news, it was perpetrated by a loner. I'm sure there are lots of people living all alone in farms and remote rural areas far from the madding crowd with nothing but the sound of crickets and wind through the trees to keep them company. Are they happy and content not speaking to anyone for weeks, months or years at a time? Who knows what they're after. Hopefully, they've found it.

I have felt that way at times, I don't own anything really of value, not even a car. Was time wasted? I am not sure. I did not get a job after finishing my degree, so was that wasted? Maybe. I did meet people and learn many things, so maybe it is not such a huge waste.

Also, the things people seem to have all around you won't last forever. 5 years from now, if you know those same people, many of them will divorce, have problems with their kids, their jobs, etc. People put very sunny things on facebook and in public, most of them do not say that their relationships are troubled, their kids behave like wild animals, they feel empty at their high paying job, etc.

Yes, I am sure that at times I lie to myself to create a positive attitude, and somes it wears thin, but for the most part I do try to be grateful that I have a family and a home.

How much is too little and how much is too much? The quality of your life is not defined by how many THINGS you own --- by your worldly possessions. The fact that you can move very easily is not a reason to feel depressed!

You're like a natural Buddhist!

Now, to the subject of friends and social life: Yes, there was a time when I was in my early to mid-20's when I lied to myself about the sort of people I wanted around me. I needed friends who were intelligent, who would understand me. There was no one quite like this around me at the time, so I basically projected more glamorous characteristics on people who were actually rather ordinary, dull and irresponsible. No one was more shocked than I was when these people fell far short of having characteristics like loyalty, honesty and even common sense. So my advice to you is to be careful: do not look upon people as though they are perfect and wonderful, because this is an illusion and illusions will shatter. People with Asperger's have to be especially careful of seeing others in realistic ways: no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. We must include ourselves in this realistic outlook.

So? You are a minimalist. Better than being a hoarder!

I was going to reply, but UnseenSkye said it all.

Your car is cool.

Thanks.

I like how you've summed the idea up. I couldn't have said it better myself.

You're welcome!

I've spent the last twelve years reading a lot of self help/improvement books, applying the principles in all of them, and realistically evaluating what works and what doesn't. At first I was like a pendulum swinging from a background of very negative thinking, to extreme (very unrealistic) positive thinking, looking for the realistic middle ground.

It took me a long time to find it, but it's there, and if you're patient enough to go through the process, you can find it.

A lot of self help books and programs really are all about making a ton of money for the authors. Some of them contain just enough truth to at least temporarily convince people to buy into it more, but overall are total bunk. It can take a while to glean the truth from them, and figure out the difference between the crap and the realistic principles. Some of them really are pretty good.

Just don't read them all with rose colored glasses on. Skepticism is NOT negativity. It's healthy, as long as it's not the only perspective you look at things from.