It's ironic that I created an account on here, since I am wanting to "commit internet suicide" (a deletion of all internet records of me). Anyways, I'm in my 20s and just found out about Aspergers a year ago. I didn't know it was a real thing, just that I was different, and that I had to accept that. I am incredibly lonely, and am deeply misanthropic. I have been told that I "care too much about the wrong people" by my best friend that lives in a different city than me. I graduated from a university in a different part of the state that I live in, and barely made it out alive. I was always depressed, still am even after being prescribed medication from a psychiatrist, and actually tried to commit suicide on an annual basis. No one ever knew about any of this because I never told anyone. So, no hospitalization or anything while there, fortunately. I graduated with a Bac in Sociology, and am on my second degree now. I live once again in the town that I grew up in, and live pretty comfortably. I don't pay for electricity, I try to live the minimalist life as much as possible. I live in my grandmother's house, don't have cable or internet. I have a bunch of DVDs/Blu-rays and a SiriusXM radio for entertainment. Also, I read all the time. I work as a pharmacy tech, and have no local friends whatsoever. Everyday when I am not working or going to class, I either stay home and entertain myself somehow, or I go to the school library and stay on the computer for hours, or I go out to eat at a restaurant just to talk to someone. I don't really trust people, because people have rejected me or lied to me so often, I have learned to shut people out. People lie to ease social situations, such as "the plan that will never happen" scenario, or the "just tell them what they want" scenario. I am a completely honest person, I never tell lies, even when they would convenience me. I donate to tons of charities. I tip waitresses well. I try to be the nicest and most honest person I can be. I have flaws though, one of which is that I develop crushes on women all the time. I have been described as "cute" numerous times by numerous women. But, I just can't seem to get a girlfriend, or develop adequate friendships. The only people that are my friends now are the people who begged me to be their friend, and even then only because I ensured that they were as honest and safe as me. It sucks that there is no cure to this. I have not been diagnosed with Aspergers yet, but am seeing a social worker who can provide the tools I need to socially succeed. I have taken the AAA Scale test, and am awaiting the results. I'm highly educated, and always curious. And try to not treat others as they have treated me.
That's me in a nutshell.
05 Dec 2012, 4:58 pm
