Are My Parents Abusing Me?

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Is constantly being yelled at to be quiet, and receiving a lot of put-downs from your parents considered abuse?

Last edited by sandloach7 on 11 Dec 2012, 1:00 am, edited 3 times in total.

From at you put there, there isn't anything close to evidence that you are being abused. Did they even touch you? Just yelling at you to be quiet doesn't hurt you at all, and there is a lot worse things they can do that doesnt come close to abusive. So no, and very far from it.

Maybe, maybe not... there's nowhere near enough detail or background information there to answer your question. It really depends on how much they do it, exactly what they're doing, and what you're doing that they're responding to (if anything).

Although, if they're constantly insulting you that would generally be considered a form of abuse, especially if you're not actively provoking it (by insulting them first, for example)... unless the insults are actually just descriptions of problems with your behaviour that need to be addressed (depending on how they go about it).



Just because they're not physically hurting him doesn't mean it's not abuse... neither does the fact that it could be worse. He hasn't given enough information to say it is abuse, but you can't rule it out on those grounds.

One day, in some great scientific study, they will conclude that yelling at somebody is probably even more painful than beating them.

I can not tolerate yelling out of anger. It will send me on a roller coaster of emotions even if it's not me who is being yelled at.

The issues haven't occured today, but when they do occur; it makes me feel as if I'm doing something wrong. Yes, I sometimes do not listen. I do, however, respect them enough to not insult them. I do yell back at them sometimes, but it's all I can do to get my point across... And even that doesn't work.

Sitting down and talking with them is as stupid as the person who made it, because it makes my situations escalate. I'm constantly "informed" about how they are the parents and such, and that I need to stop butting into their adult conversations... YET THEY BRING ME INTO THEM! It gets way out of hand! Sadly, in my family, apologies do not go a long way. I sometimes feel like my life could be better, and that sometimes they aren't getting the full picture.

This issue would be so much easier on them and me, if they would just listen to me. I refuse to fulfill my "role" until they fulfill theirs! If I can't get a slice of happiness, I might as well not make it all "mushy-coochie" on them if I can't get the same in return. I don't disrespect them, and I love them for who they are... However this stress is affecting my health and lifestyle to where I honestly don't see the point in ever achieving my goals.

If they died yesterday, I would be broken, because I still love them like any other person in my family. It's not the fact that I hate them, I just don't want to put more stress on me and them so close to Christmas and a New Year...

@redrobin62 It is more painful for people with Autism, such as myself, and sadly I'm dealing with a lot more things that don't need to be mentioned here. I feel the weight on my shoulders worse than other people, and I'm being more respectful and couragous in this situation by not throwing my problems out into someone else's life. People are a lot worse than I am, yet I feel like Staralfur when yelling occurs, and I thank you Staralfur for informing me that I'm not the only person who reacts this way... Kudos

Well, from that last post I get the impression that if there's abuse going on, it's probably pretty mild (though I could be wrong). It does sound like you have some things to work out with your parents, though. It looks like both you and your parents can be pretty stubborn with each other at times, and might need to step back a little and try to be more patient with each other. When you argue, it might be a good idea to back off for a few minutes to let everyone (yourself included) cool off before continuing. If everyone's worked up an on the defensive, neither of you will be very open minded or willing to listen.

It's also a good idea to keep in mind that even when you have a good point, sometimes it's best to just let something go. Sometimes their way might not be the best way in your view, but it probably won't be a disaster either -- save the fighting for the things that are really important. Don't just think about whether your way is better, also think about whether it's really important enough to argue about.

They do have a point when they say they're the parents -- which means that they have the ultimate authority whether they're right or not, at least for now. You don't have to agree with them, but you might have to back off and just let them be wrong sometimes. Nobody ever believes they're wrong until they change their mind; you understand what you believe, and the logic behind it... but the same goes for everyone else. Everyone thinks their right, but everyone makes mistakes sometimes too, and priorities and values differ -- so you have to accept the possibility that any of you, yourself included, could be wrong. You decide what you believe, want, and do -- but when other people are involved you need to consider their opinions and choices as well as your own, even though you won't always understand them. All you can do is try to get them to consider your views the same way, and that probably won't work if either of you is too worked up. You'll get more control later on when you have more independence. (Sorry if that sounds preachy -- some of it might not need to be said, but it's there just in case).

You can't choose for them to calm down and listen to you, but you can do things to lower the tension level a bit -- and if the tension level is lower, they'll probably be more reasonable. They still might not always see things your way, but they might at least listen a bit and tell you why they disagree.