Friend Angry About Party

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I am not spontaneous. I never have been and I never will be.
I don't like TOO much social activity. I can't do that much, it just drains me and I don't like it.

I have the following to do in the next few days:

1) Holiday Party being held for the company I work for. Have to go to this. Wednesday.
2) Holiday...thing...I don't know what for sure yet...that my girl friend's company is doing. Have to go to this. Friday.
3) Friend's Christmas Party. Saturday.
4) Company holiday party. Have to go to this. Tuesday.
5) Flying home for the holidays. Wednesday.

#3 is optional to me. My friend really wants me to go. She works with me and is attending all the events I am going to save for #5.
When I tell her that I'm going to be too burnt out to go to her party, she's pissed and says that she doesn't get how any of the other events have anything to do with her. They're on different days and she thinks it's plenty of time to regroup.

She just. Doesn't. Get. It.

I'm burnt out just thinking about everything I am going to have to do! Parties are NOT fun for me and I hate the forced social interaction.

How do you guys deal? She's not talking to me right now. I figure she'll get over it, but it's just VERY frustrating having to deal with things like this.

Holy crap, that schedule makes me want to mentally revert to a five year old and hide in my closet; crazy! I'm sure your friend is worried about the number of people making it out to her party and that's why she's pressuring you to come: I can't tell you how many times my friends have begged me to go to their parties, only to ignore me at the event after realizing a more than adequate number of people had shown up. It was all a superficial numbers game. You never know though and it's a shame you're in such a tough spot because eliminating number '3' would give you an entire weekend to recharge. Being that I'm an adult, dealing with this sort of stuff is quite a bit easier since I don't have to tag along with family to social functions but also, rather more difficult, since I'm wholly accountable for my actions and decisions. In your situation, I can't see how I'd be able to make it to everything and would definitely (unfortunately) not attend the friend's party, hoping (as you have) that she'll eventually rebound once she realizes her gathering was a success.

dayum man, i'd rather not be in your spot.

in my case, all the people that are likely to invite me to parties or the like (my more-then-casual acauntences), are aware of my sensory issues and slow social recovery, i explained it to them quite early after meeting (not disclosing actual AS though),
due to this, i am forgiven for skipping a party or only staying a short time, assuming i tell them beforehand and explain which 'socially draining' events are more important around the same time

Your friend is an idiot.

Is it possible that your friend likes you and was looking forward to spending time with you? Does she have a boyfriend? Are you interested?

If a girl, especially a single girl, gets upset with you for not coming to something she's going to, that would be a sign to me of possible interest.

This is one of those threads that reminds me I"m not like a lot of people here.

I'd love to have all those Christmas parties.

If that was my schedule, I'd be heavily tempted to suddenly come down with a bad case of the flu...

This is a tough situation. On the one hand, I can see what you're friend is saying. She would like you to come, and she may be taking what you're saying personally - she may interpret what you're saying as "I don't like spending time with you" rather than "I don't like spending time at parties." She could truly be hurt that you don't want to come to hers.

But, at the same time, that schedule is nuts, and you do have to cover for your own needs. Would some sort of a compromise be possible, where you don't go for her entire party, and just drop in for an hour or something instead? Might make her feel good seeing you make an attempt, while at the same time lessens your burden. For that matter, do you have to be there the whole time for any of the other parties?

However, regardless of your choice, it is your decision. You're under no obligation to go to her party and if you don't feel you can handle going, then it is entirely within your right to choose not to. For me, right from the start I've stayed away from all the parties and big social events that my university friends have been involved in. I've benefited from having a very understanding circle of friends - they know these things aren't for me, and while they may sometimes ask, they never try to pressure me into coming.

The thing that makes this entire situation worse is that it will be SUCH A PAIN to get to her apartment. She lives in Hoboken and I'm in Manhattan. The PATH train into Hoboken isn't even operating since hurricane Sandy. I'd have to take the PATH into Jersey City and cross a f*****g highway on foot, OR pay to take the ferry and I hate boats of any sort.

It's just. A mess.

I'm not going anyway, but it's very frustrating. I can't not go to the work events because my bosses will all be there and I'm expected to go. It's just a very tiring time of year. All I want to do is be in bed with a book. OR EVEN WATCHING THE HOBBIT. I would love to go to the movies instead.

I think even when people understand what we're saying, they never really understand what we mean/how it feels/etc.