Hello!
I'm new to this forum. I ran across it while trying to find interview tips because I don't interview well and have received the same criticisms for the past fifteen years or so.
I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, ADHD, and OCD, but not Asperger Syndrome or any other autism spectrum disorder, and much of what I've read since yesterday has been conflicting and contradictory. I saw that the word "neurodiverse" was used on the forums (Why aren't they "fora"? Am I the only one that wonders about that?) and I find that to be an incredibly positive term that I have used before. It's empowering rather than victimizing.
A bio:
I taught myself to read when I was around two or three and by four I was reading my father's aircraft manuals, or for that matter, anything else that held still long enough to be read. I had a difficult time socializing early on but didn't mind because I had books. I preferred to read them in my closet, which was small and safe, like a little nest. I was highly emotionally sensitive, hated turtleneck sweaters and the vvt-vvt noise of corduroy pants rubbing together, and later found I could match complex colors precisely without having them both on hand. I ate lunch under the lunch table until fourth grade. As I got older, I also became extremely frustrated because I wanted to fit in but I felt like everyone was speaking a language I couldn't understand, or rather had a sense that I was lacking. Like I was socially blind somehow.
I ended up in treatment as a teenager-- first it was 3-5 days, then my stay was extended to long term but no one ever did explain why, and there I sat and mouldered until I was 17 and able to spring myself into a 30-day program. There are a few things I vividly remember: The picture sequencing part of the IQ test was incredibly frustrating and took AGES. I did not understand what the tester wanted me to do. "Put the cards in order," were the only instructions. I kept insisting that the order of the pictures depended on the story! Did the woman get out of the car, go to the mailbox, remember she'd forgotten something in the car, and go back to pick up the mail she'd dropped? Or did ... (different sequence because of different story!) Even after I pointed out the multiple possibilities, the psychologist wouldn't tell me any more than, "Put the cards in order." The whole thing still infuriates me.
When I hit college at 19 I was a single parent. I decided to major in mathematics because it was something I'd always been terrible at and people told me I couldn't do and I've always had a tendency toward contrariness. As it turned out, I just hadn't been interested enough to look at it. It was exactly the same as any other language, with a grammar and a vocabulary, and as soon as I realized that it was a piece of cake. What I hadn't realized was that a degree in mathematics meant a job in mathematics, which I avoided for years by working in a library, but then out of nowhere a graduate school offered me a full-ride scholarship if I would teach math in a public school for five years. I took it. I needed the money.
My mother is great with people and fantastic with small talk-- she can befriend anyone. I've learned by watching her how to mimic that, and from that, how to actually find common ground with people. I'm very good at understanding multiple types of thought processes and how to address each in a one-on-one situation, but when I come home from work I am completely drained. I still have problems relating to people. At 37, I've never had a romantic relationship that lasted more than eleven months. ALL of my social skill is extrapolation from the way my family members interact with others. I don't mean to sound unfeeling-- I work in dog rescue, I'm a vegetarian, and I empathize with others (probably too much). I'm an idealist when it comes to humans but when it comes to small social groups, just say no. I'm a hermit. I still feel like I'm missing a sense that other people have and no matter how much I'd like to be able to fake it when necessary, I can't because I JUST CAN'T SEE IT. Whatever IT is.
I apparently "don't interview well." (I've heard this so many times!) After a mock interview I was told that I mess with my hair too much, I don't make eye contact, I don't sit right (?), and I fidget. I don't vary my voice enough and my tone is flat. The reason I scheduled the interview was because I realized that when the interviewers were asking questions, they were actually asking different questions, which honestly confounds me. Why ask a question if you're really asking something completely different, and how do I learn what they're really asking? So to hear the same crushing feedback about eye contact, flat tone, etc., well, I wasn't expecting that. And I never did get my answers. And I thought I'd done so well!
I need a teaching job badly. I was guaranteed one in my contract with the university but no one has hired me and the financial aid office is all over me. This led to searching for interview tips, which me led to this site and this community.
I've never been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, like I said, but it seems that you and I, internet people, have a lot in common. I'm hoping what works for you will work for me. I like routine and order but am easily overwhelmed by chaos. There are too many possibilities for everything and I find it hard to filter things out. I'd love to find others like me or who have been where I am-- overstimulated, underemployed, with a loss of rhythm to their daily lives-- and talk about how to establish some baseline sanity. A haven, a rhythm, a comfort.
Oh! My thread title refers to a scene in Through the Looking Glass where Alice is speaking with the White Queen, who is making little sense. That scene fits how I feel during teaching interviews.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and apologies on long-windedness.
Hello!
11 Dec 2012, 2:23 pm
