I'm not attracted to many people

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Hello you lot.

Just wondered if anyone was the same as me as I've never met anyone who is.

I just don't seem to be attracted to many men. For me, attraction isn't much about looks, I'll meet someone, chat to them and enjoy it, then the next time do the same, and over time I start thinking ooh, he's hot! Even though no-one else I know can work out what the attraction is. He could be the worst-looking guy out there but if I liked the way we could talk to each other and get on, I'd find him gorgeous. But on the other hand, there has to be something there that draws me to them, I just couldn't date a person I didn't feel some sort of attraction towards.

Yet other people seem to be attracted to appearance first and personality second, and they have much more success finding partners than I do, but I just couldn't work that way around.

I thought internet dating might be the best way for me, but I found all I ever got was sexual offers despite me saying I was looking for a relationship.

On average, I meet one man in 4 years that I'm interested in starting something with... and usually by the time I realise I like him at that level, I've been friendzoned and it's "meet my new girlfriend" time!

Friends have gently asked if it's possible I'm gay or asexual and in denial, but while I have been confused about a lot of things in life, my hetero-sexuality has never been one of them.

Aaargh, what's a perma-single woman to do?

That's not right. I know I appreciate women who aren't all about how handsome some guy is.

I go personality first and appearances second too and have the same luck. I always start off a relationship slow so I think it goes stale before lift off...really sucks too because I just wish a guy understood instead of think i am disinterested.

Don't worry - I wasn't serious. The guys you want will like your personality first - you can give 'em a picture later.

Takes years for me usually (Longer then one year in fact!)

Trying to improve on that crush rate.....so I eventually fall in love...but no, not yet.

What if you're like this as a male?

Adapt.

Life is short, and most men simply don't have the time or energy to invest in maintaining something that might take months to develop only to find out at the end it doesn't.

My suggestion would be to work on distinguishing between dates and relationships.

I knew someone who went on 30 first dates a month, but very few lead to second dates because there was no attraction (physical or emotional) but she was still getting out and meeting people.

When she did find someone, she would go on some more dates before deciding to be exclusive with them.

You could try that, it would give you a chance to get to know people, but move at a speed that would keep you from the friendzone.

ColdEyesWarmHeart, I am like that too. Unless the guy smells really bad, or has no personal hygiene, I don't mind what he looks like. I am not keen on those muscle Mary's though, but the personality is everything. There are a few people on this forum whom I could see myself with, if distance wasn't a barrier.