AS and road rage???? How does one handle this w/ husband?

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My husband has asperger's he's 37. We get along great. I'm sort of proto-aspie/dabrowski's overexcitabilities so...not exactly NT either.

so here's something "fun" my white collar computer engineer aspie husband has begun doing while in traffic. he just took a new job and now has a commute with higher traffic than his 5 min away job.

the car in front of him was afraid to move past this large truck to turn right at the traffic light. My husband is very spatially aware and knew he could fit "just fine" (inches of room, I'm sure) so my husband had to wait through an extra light (for no good reason, he thinks). He was in a hurry, he had agreed to come home in time to take our kid to gymnastics and he was running late- he hates to be late so he was stressing.

rather than using coping skills- deep breathing etc. He took out his smart phone, looked up the guy's licence plate on his "private investigator website" thing that he keeps a membership to (he looks up everyone we know) and gets the guy's name and home address. Next light, he picks his moment, moves alongside the car, rolls down his window, the guy inexplicably rolls *his* down as well, and my husband (who I apparently do not know well) says, "Hey, Miguel Alvarez, from 500 Dove Ln, in Grapevine, Tx you just made me sit through an extra light!"

The guy rolls up his window and drives like hell away from him.

*sigh* I felt the need to have a conversation about avoiding class A misdemeanors and terroristic threats. Is there a manual for this kind of sh--t?
Do I just let this go? I'm thinking I should not let this go but I don't know what my message should be. Any help will be appreciated.

i'd let it go. he didn't cut the guy of or even flip him the bird. he wasn't acting dangerously, just venting. he didn't actually make a threat. although, he could try to have some empathy for folks like me who don't have his spatial skills.

Well, maybe one day he'll do that to someone who has a lot of neck tatoos and then he'll learn to stop doing that.

Somewhat more seriously, while that isn't a literally a threat, it comes very close to one IMO. I'd expect someone to wonder if that meant that he was going to show up at his/her house and threaten his wife and kids.

Honestly, he's being a douche. Is it the other driver's fault that he didn't give himself enough time to get to his destination? I had to learn some self-discipline the hard way (through speeding tickets) to leave on time with enough extra for delays.

Let's be honest here, that's awesome, but he's playing with fire. It would only wake one armed paranoid to ruin his day if he makes a habit of this.

people who needlessly [aside from sheer meanness] waste other people's time in traffic [by driving under the speed limit, refusing to turn right on red, etc.], have a larsonian hell awaiting them, i am sure.

By "larsonian", do you mean the Far Side guy? But seriously, he could get killed doing stuff like this. I have had a gun pointed at me while driving for just going a little bit into someone else's lane to avoid a cinder block in the middle of the road.

Exactly. He's asking for trouble. And someone - there are some very scary people out there - could well just give him it.

yes, that about sums up my take on it.

Hubbie once did have an altercation with a large dark skinned fellow who got out of the car and made a menacing walk over to the car. that's about the time my husband who-I-don't-know-too-well-apparently unsheathed his tomahawk and set it on the dash. big man sashayed back to his car and drove away like hell. (this sounds *crazy* to anyone who does not truly *get* aspergers and the associated logic behind this strategy)

"being a douche" , my husband calls douche on plenty of others so maybe this one will hit home.

Seriously, I did mention to my love last night that I was not going to ask him to do kid stuff in the evening for awhile since he was still learning his commute and associated traffic patterns. I also said that I felt he could have used other ways to cope with his stress and that he was taking undue risks by engaging with other drivers in this way. I urged him to call me if he felt the need to repeat the semi-terroristic-threat-scenario. All he said was, "ok".

I left it at that. After 12 years of marriage, I've learned that less is more.

Point out to him that he's not the only person who can look up license plate numbers. If he can do it, so can anybody else. And then they will know his name and address. And they may use that information to come looking for him.

He needs to become too scared to do this. Because if he continues, somebody will hurt him. The tomahawk on the dash will stop anybody who was merely going to beat him. But the next person he infuriates may have a gun. Or may use the exact same website he uses (or personal connections at the DMV, at some point he'll cross somebody who has them) to find out his name and where he lives.

He is putting not just himself in danger but also you and the kids. You have to convince him of this.

I busted a gut laughing at this. I have to admit.

While it's not a particularly good idea, it certainly had the desired effect. It's not threatening. It's not illegal. But it can potentially lead to a confrontation if the person doesn't have the expected "Oh crap!" reaction and run like hell. Unless he does this on a regular basis, I'd say laugh and let it go.

yes, the late [of cartoon activity] great larson and yes, there's a lot of crazy drivers out there.

I know, man. I don't even have to make any of it up. It's legit! I'm livin' it, or he is, or we are. Anyway, it's like, what do you expect when you give a tiny hand-held computer and a worldwide marketplace to someone with Aspergers? If they are the security conscious type like my husband, who can get more information in a few minutes from a phone than most people can get...in their lives, and who can order anything he wants like a big ass tomahawk for starters, I mean the sky's the limit, right? Or your wife is...yes, janissy is annoyingly right. I have to insert myself into this issue.

I just want to pause and point out that a few years ago, before smart phone technology this would be a non-issue. And so, what is it going to be in ten more years? I'll let you know, hopefully not from jail.

This.

i can't count the number of times some inconsiderate passive/aggressive douchebag slowed down in front of me, just before a traffic signal, hoping it would turn red and leave me behind, and when it would indeed turn yellow the guy would floor it past the signal- i'd hang right onto their sorry ass past the light, and then they would slow down again- and as i was passing them up, they'd open the window and yell and gesture at me that i should have stayed behind, and i ended up having to pass the SOB so i could get where i was going to! some people are just mean and get pleasure from effing with their fellow citizens. why do people have to be like that? what does it profit them in the end?