soulburner wrote:
do any of you live on your own by yourself? if so, how does it feel and do you enjoy it?
I don't now but I did for a long period in the past, first in bedsits and then I had a proper flat. I literally spent a lot of time alone, the only 'socialising' (if you can call it that) I had was at work.
It gave me too much time to think, I felt like I was alone in the world cooped up. I liked having control of my own space, but I felt lonely. It was shared houses and there were problems with other residents stealing my (named) items from the fridge in the shared kitchen, not having access to the bathroom when I wanted to and the poor hygiene of the bathroom too. I ended up getting a mini fridge in my room just to be able to prevent theft. There was loud music above me from the students in their room which I hated. Also, to my horror, one day when I was off sick in bed, someone from the rental agency put their key in the lock and started to enter my room, to "check the premises". I found later this was illegal, to enter without my knowledge but I was clueless then, and I realised that they had been doing this whilst I was at work, unknown to me, it made me feel violated. Not expecting anyone would be in my home I would have left all sorts of personal items around.
I also had many moments of panic when I was in the grip of my thanatophobia and had no-one to ground me and help me come out of the panic. When I was ill, there was no-one to look after me. Not nice if you have a vomiting bug and you have to clean up whilst you are so ill. You need to be responsible for paying your rent, any separate bills, your food etc.
At weekends, if I didn't go out I felt almost agoraphobic when I finally did go out. It's a conundrum, because I don't like having people visit (I want to be in control and be the one to leave when I've had enough) but I don't like feeling so alone that it's like a tomb. It can be very isolating and difficult if you don't make the effort to go out and make contact with others.
Think it through before you do it, work out what will be the best for you, e.g. house sharing or whatever so that you aren't totally alone. Be aware of the pitfalls of sharing too though.
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*Truth fears no trial*
DX AS & both daughters on the autistic spectrum