Why do you tell people you have Aspergers?

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This is something I do not completely understand. I read people asking when they should come out to their employer, friends or when they should tell their new girlfriend along with peoples reactions to them having it. But I do not understand why you would tell these people that you have a "disorder." It is essentially telling them that your brand of weirdness is called Aspergers syndrom. I am bipolar (I browse this forum because I can relate very much with Aspergers syndrom and have friends with it) and I do not think, "ok, when should I tell my friend that I am bipolar." Having a disorder is just another unique aspect of yourself.

I am wondering if having this disorder is as big of a deal as some people make it out to be. I know it is a big deal to those affected by it but I am saying that it is not something that people need to know about, especially considering, as people have been pointing out in the wake of the shootings, that people with Aspergers are widely varied in personality, mental health, etc.

I can see you telling people you know well that you have Aspergers syndrom and that it is just a way to help define some of the unique characteristics you have but nothing more really (discounting telling education officials if you need a unique learning environment). I'm not saying this because people should be ashamed or should not tell in order to avoid attracting negative attention but because it is just a thing.

Anyway, who (in terms of their relationship to you) have you told about your diagnosis and why?

I have told my friends and co-workers alike. I'm not ashamed of my Asperger's in any way. It helps define how I am as a person: unique, awkward, and very understanding. In times where it's appropriate and if it comes up in conversation (my friends call me 'our little aspie buddy', which I find adorable), and also gives someone the opportunity to know more about me. I'm more hush-hush on my bipolar though. I may flaunt it on WP, but in life it's best kept to myself unless the person deserves to know.

I don't, especially not since the Newtown Massacre.

No need to be the target of a witch hunt or lynch mob.

So that people don't think the worst when I don't interact with them (this is neighbors and relatives). It's nothing personal, just a pathological entity.

Of note, I haven't told them this; my mother did (again, pointing to how I ignore people).

NT's are too ignorant of disorders
to be trusted to make the right response
to an admission of ASD

shame, avoidance of disclosure will be bad for everyone
pharkin idiots

I live in a place where everyone waves and people like pointing out if you don't talk (obviously "odd" to them), plus other similar things.

Relatives also stop with the usual, why doesn't Dill do this or that, when they have a reason for the way you are. If they don't have a [valid] reason, they'll think you're just like them and everyone else and expect the same.

The only reason I'd tell someone is because I've seen enough verbal signals from their facial expressions to know that they think I'm either a bit off, snobbish, or whatever. To me, it's like asking why I'd tell people I'm gay (since I am as well). I'd either tell because of guilt that I'm not giving enough trust to a close friend, to educate others, or to close any further questions about myself. It's not really a big deal for me unless people start making totally uneducated assumptions about who I am as a person because of the different things that make me unique. Basically, for me, telling something like that about yourself just means that I trust you and an opportunity to talk about the condition or my way of thinking in order debunk any assumptions about who I am as a person, it's not meant to be an attention starter, but it is meant to make people aware because if you're something, why not be proud of who you are? It's only right to accept yourself and be comfortable with it, the fact that many people don't realize this is, to me, what brings shame to people with these conditions and have to suffer in silence just because they believe that society won't be accepting of them.

I'm new to all of this so perhaps I haven't fully decided why I may or may not tell people. I know that I won't tell my Dad or anyone who've repeatedly accused me of being excessively lazy over the years and will likely deem the diagnosis simply an excuse to avoid 'growing up' and finding employment. Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm not lazy in the slightest. I think the few people I consider my friends will be relatively indifferent since they generally consider me quirky and are all open and nonjudgemental people.

It's not information I will volunteer unless the other person needs to know or specifically asks me. There is no upside to people being aware of it outside of my pdoc, therapist, and family. I won't lie or withhold the information. It is no secret, but, like I said, will not volunteer it unless asked.

I have told my friends, family and co-workers. I feel less social pressure because they have different expectations of my behaviour. In retrospect I might not have been so open about it. Some people didn't react very well, but most are quite accommodating.

Both my ex boyfriends found out on their own by reading online. One was from reading my blog on myspace and the other was from doing a search on my user name trying to find a photo of me and he found me on this forum thanks to Google search. I told my husband because he asked me if I had it when I had him do the aspie quiz to see what he score and he asked me what it was about so I told him it was to see if you have Asperger's or not but it's not used to self diagnose. Then he asked me if I have it. Plus I invited him to the aspie picnic. Yeah I didn't hide it from him because I wanted to be understood and anxiety alone won't explain everything nor my learning issues. It's good I told him because he knows I care about him and I don't say things to be hurtful or to verbally abuse him, I am not trying to be a control freak nor do things to annoy him. He knows me pushing him away nor wanting to be touched does not mean I don't like him. I am also not refusing to do things to be selfish and lazy and he knows it's not that I don't appreciate things, I just don't know how to show it right and I respond differently. It also helps him read me better too. What would things been like for the both of us if I never told him? Would he have figured it out or would be not still be together? It even took me nearly five years to start telling him I love him.

I haven't even told my parents.

I live in a very conservative and ignorant society, where such disorders are feared. Even a leper has a better chance of being accepted and tolerated than a person with ASD.

I am also worried that my friends could respond with pity and start being overly cautious around me (so that they don't accidentally "upset" me). I don't want that.


In light of recent events and the reactions towards them, I think it is wise for me to continue hiding

I came out to my employer about my AS diagnosis and about a learning disability when there was a change in management in the department I was/am working in. I work on a help desk, and preference in shift choice is given to the top performers in regards to customer feedback and amount of work throughput. I had a supervisor who thought I displayed too much personality in an email reply to a customer and got penalized, so I pulled the Asperger card. (Ironically, the manager thought the supervisor was out of line in her analysis.)

The HR department and my manager have been very supportive, providing me with positive coaching when needed. I don't know whether or not that'll be the case for everyone, though.

love the username Your Dorkyness
but only 12 posts in 5 years?
welcome to WP!

Because it's part of who I am, and I have nothing to hide - simple as that.