Holydays...illusions fade away...

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I mean, whenever the routine breaks everything you try to deny slaps right in your face, your personal world is destroyed and you have to face reality, no matter how hard you try to rationalize it. I'm lonely, and if 3 days ago that sounded good to me (i'm strong, indipendent, can do what i want ecc...) now it' s just so damn depressing... thinking about the future scares the hell out of me > suicide...and i know this is a circle... strenght- weakness- strength-weakness...is this forever ? I'm afraid the answer is yes.. and we can blame it on the wrong planet but we know that's not the truth, it's just what in psychology is called projection... our basic istinct is to run away but unfortunately reality will always be there... sad days, but denial isn't a good long-term strategy, at least for me...
Feedback & opinions much appreciated

The same thing happens to me. In fact, I'm in denial right now!

A couple years ago I worked and lived in a community residence facility for persons with developmental disabilities in a place far from home. During a discussion about making schedules for working around holiday plans and people leaving town to see family, I suddenly had a great idea and brought it up: there should be some way to facilitate some kind of holiday-related social interaction for people who wouldn't be visiting family! To which a co-worker replied, "Um, they're called 'friends.'"

Anyway - not exactly related but the thread did remind me of the anecdote.

Been in denial for 11 years.