People thinking you shouldn't have special interests...

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Hi peoples! Happy Christmas to you all in advance.

My girlfriend has been reading up on Asperger's because she wants to understand why I'm so difficult to live with. In my opinion, it goes both ways, but whatevs

Anyway, she's read somewhere that an aspie's obsessions should be actively discouraged, which, frankly, she's been doing all along anyway. I understand to an extent the reasoning behind this - because I recently lost my job (due to aspie difficulties; a whole 'nother post), and my obsession is hampering my efforts to seek another job. Actually, I'm just flat-out not looking for one.

So, my obsession stops me from trying to join the 'real' world, and I hate that. But take away my obsession, and I will probably strangle you. Besides, I am EXTREMELY talented in this particular area of expertise, although I haven't actively tried to sell any work yet.

What do you all think? Good idea or bad?

Andy

ps My obsession is fine art in general; stone-carving and sculpture in particular. I'm also a big fan of political cartoons. Any like-minded people, please get in touch

to me the key was to make my obsessions part of my job,

for me it would be unbearable if i were to deny myself my interests.

My mum's one of those people or used to be one of those people. This has been the main factor that's been keeping me from spending more than two nights with my family and dog. Those memories of my mum pointing at a Kinks video, saying that I was the worse she's ever seen me, and threatening to admit me to the psych ward of the local hospital has kept me from spending up to a week at their trailer for up to a week for fear of the same thing happening again. All I wanted was for her to congratulate me for getting myself in order for me and a feeling that I've closed the generation gap between us and I got the opposite.

She never did like the fact that I've had special interests throughout my life and she's always seen them as the deciding factor for her thinking that autism should be cured. I felt a lot of resentment towards her based on that fact. It was also my own fault for asking my my mum if she thought there should be a cure for autism and she answered that she thought that there should be a cure for every illness so that everybody could live their lives in peace. I saw it as a slap in the face.

She attempted to take away my happy place a couple of times since I got my life back on track, which also felt like a slap in the face. She was saying that she wanted me to be a sheep and to be like my sister by living in the present. I also remember an easier time that she tried that on me and almost succeeded. I finally put my foot down and told her that I was being myself when I was wearing my hair like The Beatles between the ages 13 and 15 and I was being myself when I was dressing like The Kinks from 1994 until Mid 1998 when I became very sick when I found that my mum never accepted me as I was and she didn't feel that I should live the Mod lifestyle anymore. She tried to feminize me and I wasn't ready for that and I never will be. The second time she tried to pull that trick on me just this past September, I put my foot down and told it to her like it is. I told her that the 60s are my happy place and I was being myself when I was dressing like The Kinks in the Mid 90s. She seemed to start accepting me as I am.

She tried to take away my happy place and identity and that's a great way to push your grown autistic child away from you. I know that there are people hear who might be on my mum's side, but I need to do what's right for me. If I want to parade around town looking like a slightly shorter version of young Mick Avory, I can. If I haven't changed by now, I'm never going to change. There's no need to dispute me on this, because I've made up my mind three Septembers ago. There's a young member who likes to do that to me a lot. Perhaps she should find out what my fuss about The Kinks happens to be instead of saying that I make her sick.

We can sympathize. Our special interest is classic film and theater from the 1910s to the early 1960s (particularly anything having to do with Judy Garland or Billie Burke--Billie was the Good Witch in the Wizard of Oz). People have told us that we use classic film as a way to escape reality and the responsibilities of adulthood. They've said before that it makes us too idealistic, like we expect people to be how they are in old movies. We sued to dress up in old fashioned clothes for no reason and we got lots of weird stares. In high school we wore retro looking red lipstick and cat's eye glasses and tucked our shirts in like girls did with skirts in the old days. So many people asked us why we wore makeup, why we dressed the way we did etc. Aspies should never be discouraged from pursuing their special interest because sometimes it's the only thing standing between us and sanity. It's always good if you can meld your interest with your work. We're freelance writers and we were lucky enough to get a book published we wrote about classic Hollywood (it's called Also Starring....). However, we haven't made much money off of it, ha ha, but that doesn't mean we're going to stop being into what we love.Your interest of fine art and sculpture is a fantastic one. We had a sculpture teacher in high school who was a true mensch and one of the most beloved teachers at the school. Would you ever consider teaching maybe? Good luck to you!

Last edited by CindySara on 22 Dec 2012, 1:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well-meaning-but-dumb-as-dolphin-parents/partners aren't a good source of information, which is where I'm sure she got that from.

The special interest is the only possible area of Asperger's that can be used to adapt to modern society. Take that away and you've got..., something like a vegetable, but less sociable.

I was thinking that all along. It's our special interests that give us our liveliness. Without them, we're nothing.

It depends entirely on what the obsession(s) is (are). If someone has obsessions that tend to be violent or elicit violent behavior, some form of intervention should probably occur. If the obsessions are relatively harmless, there isn't much a need to do anything unless personal upkeep is being sorely neglected, but that doesn't mean to outright prohibit the individual from persuing their interests.

Some interests can be channeled into a force of productivity as well...

If you can't find a way to profit off of your special interest at the immediate moment, I think that you should at least try to use it to motivate you to find work in another field while you try to build a name for yourself (your art) on the side.

You can say to yourself "I don't love my current job, but it's just a temporary source of income until I can support myself by doing what I love". Of course, this will only work if you're actively trying to get contracts for your sculpting after hours.

It might help to find work in a field that is at least somewhat related. So like, for example, you enjoy fine art in general - maybe you can find a job in a small office where they would appreciate some marketing work being done in your free time. At least you could design flyers and things, which is creative work. If you made them any extra money, they might ask you to devote more time to this. It's better than not doing anything creative at all.

Nothing wrong with having a special interest or obsession, they just need to be balanced is all. You want to be in control of them, not have them control you.

I am on break between university terms and it is a chance for me to do my 'recreational reading' - which happens to be more philosophy and theory - but I don't have to stick to my in-class themes. To me, this is wonderfully relaxing - to my family, I am not relaxing. If I had a formulaic paperback in my hands, no one would bat an eye - then I am "relaxing".

My obsession with the bus-drivers is not good, although at the same time I love being obsessed with them. But the obsession invites more stress into my life, especially when they change the bus-drivers around and I can't see my favourite ones that I talk to any more. That gets me all angry and upset and I feel pure hatred for the ones in their place who seem to be on it come what may.
Also my cheap buspass stops next year, which was so handy because I just hopped on the bus whenever I wanted to without having to keep getting out change. When I lose it, I will have to pay because they don't issue those handy buspasses any more. So my obsession will be costing me money aswell.

But the good thing about my obsession is it gives me a high endurance. For example, I hate crowded shopping places but I would still agree to meet my friends during the busiest times of the year (like Christmas or really hot days), because I'm like ''well at least I get to have two bus rides on my favourite bus.'' Or it'd be nice if I had a job where I had to get this bus to because if I get called in on my days off, I could think ''at least it gives me an excuse to get on this bus!'' But instead I work local.

But nobody should discourage an AS person from an obsession. It'd be a bit like discouraging an NT from socialising. I've actually tried that on an NT before, and I almost lost respect because of it. I got this said to me several times: ''You can't stop people from having other friends!''

The thing I like about my special interest that I've had for the past few years is that I now have an identity that's my own. I thought that if I didn't play some character such as Austin Powers or Sid from Flushed Away that I'd be a dull square with a lifeless personality. The weeks that I gave up my last fake personality or act was the time that my true personality started to shine through. It was in 2009 but it feels like it was only yesterday. Sid and Austin were unhealthy obsessions for me, because those were acts and dances around a truth that my mum pointed out to me. I don't need to say what it is. I'm sure everybody knows what I'm talking about by now. I have a stronger personality now than I did when I first joined WP, due to the fact that I'm not putting on an act to hide something obvious about myself. I couldn't look for a job in 2007 because of Sid and my cynical attitude that I had towards the softer side of life. I'm able to look for a job now, because I look like an average person with normal hair and clothes.

Sometimes I don't like my obsessions because I can't get any new facts about them and there is lack of stuff about it. All I can turn to is the internet or watch the movie. In the past when I was obsessed with 101 dalmatians and then Titanic, they had books about the ship and London. They had books on Dalmatians. But with A league of Their own, there are hardly any books on the league or about the movie. There isn't very much fanfiction either on the movie but there are tons on Titanic so that obsession was better, much better. I can't even find the darn TV series for A league of Their own and there were only 6 episodes and the last one was never aired. It has never been out on DVD nor uploaded online. it's a shame the movie didn't have those series on it too. But yet I also like them at the same time and what i don't like about it is, you can't get a career out of them. Hey move to Rocford, IL or to Racine, WI or to Evansville, Indiana or to Chicago and get a job there, that is related to the movie. But I do live in Oregon so good we enough I bet.

I also used to get uncomfortable with my obsessions too so I wouldn't let myself do more on them. Now I do.

What I always do with my obsessions is, get into them and do them a lot until my mind moves onto something else and bam new obsession. I know an aspie who won't let himself get too intense with them or else he will lose that obsession while I let myself lose them and have another one.

I sometimes envy aspies who have an obsession and it has tons of books on it and you can do tons of stuff with it and they can actually get a job in it. Mine has always been with movies and then things would evolve from there. I have been obsessed with weather and maps at one point but what career could I do in it and I wasn't even interested working with them as a career.


But apparently my obsessions is an impairment because it effects my whole family according to my husband and mother while to me I manage them just fine because I do other things like clean the house, go to work, and I can talk about other things. My husband had pointed out to me that all we ever talk about are my interests and he can't even have a conversation with me that isn't my interest or else I give him short answers and not carry it on and he can't even be with me because they drive him crazy. So he shuts himself in his room for it and it's only one of the reasons. I think people just make things an impairment when they don't like what you do. I could say the same about everyone else. There are things I can't stand about people so it must be an impairment they have. If someone has a problem with what you do, an impairment, especially if it's something you can't change or take time to work on. Anyone out of the norm is also an impairment.

Pursue your special interests or as you call them, "obsessions". It might bring you the desired job and money, and if not, it will definitely bring you (at least) happiness.

They can piss off. It's as simple as that. No compromise - I am me, and I can be only me.