Does she want to have an affair with me?

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Alienboy
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23 Dec 2012, 11:49 pm

There is this married woman at work that flirts with me often (I am not cool with cheating just to let everyone know this now). Here are some things that she will say and do for me:

We usually say hello and good morning to each other when we cross paths (we sit on opposite ends of the office). When I haven't said hello to her for a while, she will always instant message me from her computer saying that it has been a while since I said hello to her. She will always then say that I look tired or sad. I never intentionally ignore her and I clear that up by mentioning that I have either just been really tired or stressed out about stuff. We have gone to lunch together before and she bought me lunch and I was like no its ok I can pay and she was like no problem I will get you something. Just today she messaged me and asked how I was doing because it has been a while since we talked. I told her that it would be cool if we could hangout sometime. Maybe that she could cook some dinner with me and watch a DVD at my place or something. Then she mentioned that she is usually busy, but that it is possible. She asked if my girlfriend would yell at her if she found out that we were seeing each other and asked me if I could take care of her (she didn't realize I had already broke up with my ex gf). After I told her that I already broke up with my ex, she nervously told me that she was just joking. She has told me that she is a shy woman a few times in the past. Today, we saw each other and said hello and chatted a little and she mentioned that she was going to lunch with a coworker (I had just returned from lunch). She noticed that I didn't eat much and asked me if I was still hungry and told me that she could get something for me. At first, I told her thanks, but that is ok. Then she insisted and told me that I should eat more and she is probably on the way back here with the food she got for me. If she is willing to leave her husband, then I will consider seriously being with her, BUT I am not cool with an affair...especially at my job because I love my job and the last thing I need right now is to lose this job. Can anyone on here please let me know what you think about this situation? She is a Chinese woman that has lived in Japan for about ten years and we are now in Beijing. I think that she might just be looking to have sex with a white boy and nothing more. I don't think she is looking for love or anything as she is already married (unless their marriage is on the rocks). Has anyone been in a situation like this before?

P.S. She came back with the lunch, but I had to pay for it (unlike last time). I guess I need to hangout with her more. We might get lunch together tomorrow.


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Alienboy
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24 Dec 2012, 8:27 pm

I found out she does in fact like me. Thanks everyone for being soooo helpful.


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MCalavera
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24 Dec 2012, 9:05 pm

Don't go there, man. Seriously.



Tias
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24 Dec 2012, 11:09 pm

Is having sex worth the risk of being fired from a job that you really need?
Not enough with that she has no morals, she'll only cause trouble.



Alienboy
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24 Dec 2012, 11:21 pm

I found out that she likes me, but I am not going to lose my job over her.


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Surfman
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25 Dec 2012, 2:07 am

be a man not a mouse
she wont get emotionally attacked to your aspie ways



alex
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25 Dec 2012, 2:16 am

The main issue is that you have to work with her so this relationship could be great for a very short period of time and then blow up in your face (uncomfortable work situation, etc). Flirting is fine but if you get more serious than that, drama can ensue, and since you have to see her every day, it probably makes the relationship not worth it (although that depends on your outlook).

Also, I noticed she's flirting with you and you're not always flirting back (when she nervously said "i was just joking" it was because your response was too logical/straightforward and not a flirty response). Although it appears that she doesn't seem to mind your aloofness in that regard because she still continues to like you. Perhaps your being aloof makes you more attractive to her-- I don't know.


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Tias
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25 Dec 2012, 11:21 am

Surfman wrote:
be a man not a mouse
she wont get emotionally attacked to your aspie ways


Oh yes lets involve gender stereotypes now, just what this thread needs.



Surfman
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25 Dec 2012, 4:22 pm

what the world needs now
is love
sweet love

Its just one thing
that there's much
too little of



Tias
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25 Dec 2012, 7:56 pm

Surfman wrote:
what the world needs now
is love
sweet love

Its just one thing
that there's much
too little of


And that involves gender stereotypes?
We spread love through Gender stereotypes?

Yeah, sorry, but you f****d up with that one.



Alienboy
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25 Dec 2012, 9:05 pm

Well I replied to her with just saying that I would take care of her (protect her from the gf I broke up with already), but maybe she wanted me to say something even more flirtatious than that? I'm trying to avoid flirting back because I don't want to shoot myself in the foot at work if things don't go well. This job is pretty relaxed about people dating though. I just found out that there are a few couples here and everyone knows about them. I just found out though, since these couples work the afternoon shift and I work the morning shift. Even with dating her being ok with my work...she is married. She must not be in a happy marriage or maybe she is looking for more because she hits on me often. She is really sexy too. So it is hard for me to just pass up being with her. In a situation like this, what would be the best flirtatious way to find out 100% that she does indeed like me as more than a friend? I don't want to just be the logical aspie and just say "Hey, do you like me?" That is stupid and I have never approached a woman this way in my life. It just seems like a perfect way to fail. I'm already pretty sure she likes me, but for me its never 100% sure unless they spell it out. I LIKE YOU! I LOVE YOU! LET'S HAVE SEX! etc.


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Tias
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25 Dec 2012, 9:51 pm

Just a word of caution or something here.
But if she is willing to cheat on her husband to be with you......what makes you think she won't cheat on you too at some point if you actually get together?

But besides that, i could help with some answers, but considering how i despise things like this, when someone cheats on their bf/husband/gf/wife.
I'm not gonna help you and anybody who does should feel f*****g bad



Surfman
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25 Dec 2012, 10:27 pm

maybe, like lots of couples, they have an arrangement....
stop being such a weaner



Alienboy
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25 Dec 2012, 10:32 pm

@surfman - how am I being a weaner? I have no trouble getting laid. I hope that isn't the impression I have given you. that is not the case here. I know I could probably hook up with her and not be "a weaner" but there are moral factors that go into this equation. it has been mentioned clearly above by other members on here. i want to make sure that there is in fact "an arrangement" before i decide to do anything with her.

i would prefer that she left her current husband before deciding anything with me as well.


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Surfman
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25 Dec 2012, 10:54 pm

I was addressing another member, your not a weaner at all. My apologies for the confusion



Tias
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25 Dec 2012, 11:42 pm

Surfman wrote:
maybe, like lots of couples, they have an arrangement....
stop being such a weaner


When you stop coming with ridicules comments, sure.