Handeling anger with former friends

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Hi,
I had attempted to reach out to a girl who I had not spoken two for almost 2 years due to others feelings we are not a good pair by talking me out of associating with her. I did such and even explained it to her in e-mail that we were not a good pair by fighting all the time.

I to attempted sending one e-mail to her by telling her hi by wishing her Happy New Year in a nice letter. I told her how I was doing and what I was doing in my life. However, she wrote back and seemed to talk about herself and how I had managed to hurt her and push her away which was a long time ago. She then complained that I let her go when she felt like I needed the most. She also threatened me and told me not to consider contacting her mother and family anymore.


So, I would like to set a better example to people who I felt had rejected me in the past who want to give me another chance or two even if I was mad at the time. This is if someone attempts to reach out to me and overlooks what they have done wrong to me and want to start over fresh. How do I respond, should I write to back and tell them how I have been doing or should I set boundaries when I still feel angry?

I think it depends on the person.
Almost the same thing happened to me, i wrote her, but she not even bother to answer.

I think that once you are considered in someone's past, particularly if there was anything romantic between you either in fact or in desire, they seem to view you as definitely in their past and they really aren't interested in going forward at all. You had your chance and blew it. It's kind of like "You're dead (figuratively, not literally), stay that way".

If anything is going to happen, it's almost like starting over from scratch. In most cases, that isn't going to happen. Your might have a chance if you can present yourself as a highly improved version of yourself.

I wasn't wanting to re-connect on a full friendship level but maybe someone I could say hi to once in a while by sending her some holiday cards. In her case, I don't think she really cared to begin with the last time we re-connected anyhow because she ignored me and continuing to lead me on. Then one of her friends got tired of her using profane words all the time as well as some of her other behaviors and cut her off. Then she was all over me and said, "I'm so sorry. You are my best friend. That other girl is being mean to me."

I let her go again after that because I realized that she just wanted attention when it was convenient for her. When I let her go, she never bothered to call me on my cell and have a mature talk about what went on. Instead, she appeared to act like nothing had happened. So I assumed she understood. She also could not have been too upset either. I think she just likes to whine if you ask me.

As for her being angry, this girl has a chip on her shoulder and is quite fragile. It does not take much to set her off either. She blows up over every little thing and she is 30.

Anyhow:
The point here is that I don't want to go off like that whenever someone does try to re-connect even if I don't feel right. I would rather reach out back and be kind.

I hate to sound negative but sometimes, going back to friendships like that is like going back to jail - if it happens, there's probably a not-very-pleasant reason why. Without going into too much detail, I had a similar situation about a year ago, caused over a misunderstanding about something when I had a meltdown (and it wasn't like said person, who is NT, hadn't had meltdowns of her own - some while sober, most not.) I apologized, made it clear that I was open to reconciliation, and hear from common acquaintances that she's still on about what happened.

Some people want reconciliation. Some people find more comfort in anger and rage than they do forgiveness. If this person isn't willing to grow up, as painful as it seems, maybe it's best not to have her in your life, especially if it's going to go back to the dysfunctional way it was before.

I am actually dealing with a similar situation. Her and I had been friends for years in grade school and in high school. I tried talking to her about it once and she turned me down saying that I caused too much drama in her life. All that I tried to do was apologize for what happened and said that I wish it worked out differently. It's been since 2009 and I'm still thinking about it. There isn't much one can do; people will forgive when they want to. If they don't want to, it's not going to work out. Plain and simple. You can't force people to be your friends.

Just forget about it. For some reason people don't like to say this, they'd rather start ignoring you and leave you confused. Had this happen a couple of times and it makes me pretty mad.

Its happened to me with people I've known quite well in my life. The best advice I can give is just to be honest with them that your a changed person and your open to chat if needed.

Then leave it up to them to decide what to do.

Yes, she is very immature and acts like she is 12 but has a career in the military and constantly acts way out of line as if she has never had a job in her life.

Anyway, I talked to two other friends of mine about her and they both agreed that her horrid and hostile response like that meant that she did not care about myself or anyone else other than herself. Moreover, she was mad because she did not get what she wanted when I let her go.

I mean, here I wrote her a nice letter and told her how I am doing in addition to one of her ex-boyfriends who is a close friend of mine and it was as if she just sat there talked down to me as if I had been picking on her. Even further, as if I was threatening her and her family.

For instance I told her that I broke my ankle after being struck by a car and it was as if she ignored it and never said she was sorry or anything.

i didn't read through the posts except for the OP's.

You would have to go with how you felt with the person at the moment and how you feel now. If the person gets angry with you, then obviously you will have to figure out what you did to make her angry. If you figure out it was something that you did to make her upset with you, then you will apologize if you know it's the right thing to do. Of course, if it's on her and she likes to be angry with people.. you will just feel miserable around her. You seem to be communicating that she is mad at you and won't let it go. Even better is you communicate that she is an attention whore. I think reconnecting with her is only going to make you feel unhappy. Look out for number one here.