Why Were You Bullied? (and my attempt to answer it)

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As many of the regular WP members know, I tend to talk a lot about my negative experiences from being bullied constantly for 18+ years. No matter how hard I tried or where I went bullies always found me even when leaving most other kids (i.e. nerds) alone. I have spent a long time trying to figure out why I was always targeted and why Aspergers explains a lot, I wanted to go a little more in depth. Here is my attempt to answer that question:

* As a child was extremely naive and trusting and could not fathom how anyone could have ulterior motives.
* Was completely out of step with my own age group and talked only about my obsessions (like in grade 2 asking at recess how the universe could have a beginning if matter was eternal).
* Very sensitive and got very upset when my property was taken or damaged (the bullies had a field day with this one!)
* Shut down when stressed like going nonverbal when in the principals office being grilled. That combined with the bullies excellent BS skills meant I was seen as the bully due to my explosive outbursts (but I never ever hit anyone) and inability to stand up for myself.
* Emotionally sensitive and cried in front of bullies when they were ganging me and throwing my clothes into a mud puddle and stepping on them the day after I found out I might have childhood leukemia (I didn't thankfully).
* Extremely tall and lanky and walked with my head down because it was too painful to stand up straight. Later found out this is a sign of having little confidence although that didn't come until many beatings later.
* Very literal interpretations so when someone asked if I was straight I answered no since I was sitting down. Was mercilessly tormented by boys and girls refused to talk to me except saying 'ewww' for years after that.
* When told to act normal by 'experts' with examples of what to say, things were made much worse because I said those things with a monotone voice and no idea of what they meant.
* Stomach issues meant I would occasionally fart uncontrollably especially when I didn't get enough sleep and my diet meant it was high in sulfur (in other words a VERY bad smell).
* Absolutely terrified of being arrested/jailed to the point where I'm glad I never got arrested as I would have completely lost it or attempted suicide. So, a combination of not wanting to hurt anyone and 'zero tolerance' policies meant I could not fight back.
* Few friends (and the rare times I had them I was always left alone).
* No obvious physical/mental disabilities
* My food sensitivity issues were always misinterpreted as me being rebellious and snobbish/spoiled and was treated accordingly. Truth is I was and still am highly embarrassed by them and hide them at all costs.
* At work, my desire to please and loyalty made me well liked but supervisors loved to take advantage of my naive nature to make me do high risk activities and use me as a shield when the crap hit the fan as it always did since I was so delusional about their motives. Since I was never physically bullied at work, I didn't realize this WAS bullying until later.

Having said all that, I cannot say that I am bullied much if at all anymore. What changed? Well I have determined it was a combination of three main reasons:

* I no longer cared if anyone liked me or not so exclusions, teasing and humiliations increasingly became pointless.
* I have bulked up and at 6'6" 195lbs I can look like a bouncer even though I'm as soft as a kitten.
* If someone looks like they might bully me, I will either 'innocently' mention how I know how to snap someone's arm like a twig or plant a seed of doubt whether I am emotionally stable (I am but they quickly leave me alone!)

That's the best explanation of why I was picked on literally every day as a child and the strategies I have developed to fight back as an Aspie. I would be interested to hear if you have anything else to add. Maybe you had a different explanation or perhaps I just summarized your reasons for you Either way I would love to hear you answer the question "Why Were You Bullied?"

Bullied mostly verbally growing up, but there was physical abuse before a certain age as well:

-picked on at home by the older brother. This consistently happened until the age of 21 when I told him off for calling me while I was in college class that day. and he insisted I come home that minute because he didn't have the keys to the other car and wanted to take care of things before I drove him to the airport in Toronto. I told him no and said to him "Should have left a note for me in the morning" since I was out the night before celebrating my bday.
-Dad was critical himself. He hates being ignored (aspie trait) and ignoring him doesn't usually work. Responding in frustration doesn't work either because it just escalates things with him. The best solution was to try not opening up to him after a while.
-People at school were physically abusive towards me until at one point I decided to stand up to the physical abuse. One day I took it too far and almost killed someone with my bare hands (choked him out). He lived, we both missed school. I wasn't allowed to return until he came back first. There was fear of retaliation as well considering the older kids were pretty angry about this scenario.
-Girls found me odd and disturbing, even when I wasn't doing anything mean or hurtful. There were some boys that had to let me know that I was considered the "ugliest and dumbest of the four Mike's" in the same grade by all the girls.
-I've had some girls even act as ring leaders for some of the guys that tried to pick a fight with me. Anyone want to guess what the motivation was for the guys?
-People that did try and bully me physically got a hostile response when they tried again.
-I've had some new friends that would during the first day at the new school, and after I showed them around come back to me later and say "Why are the other girls telling me to not talk to you?" Friendship over now of course, but it wasn't before she tried to ruin a perfectly healthy platonic friendship with another girl friend of mine.
-Some stupidly had the nerve to come and tell me what others say about me behind my back. So now I became aware of the bullying I wasn't around for. Having some people stupid enough to play messenger with me when I didn't ask them to makes me question who my friends are a lot.
-Being told I was ugly by many people has prevented me from accepting compliments on many occasions.

The abuse, both verbal and physical has played a role in my insecurities growing up. I have no reason to be insecure at this point in my life, but unfortunately I can't seem to shake certain feelings. I am 6'1- 190 lbs, considerered good looking and my size down there has been complimented by any girl that has been with me. So what is the problem now? I became far too guarded and always ready to defend myself.

I started to be bullied around the end of primary school and the start of high-school. I think this is because:

*Naive/ sheltered. Not aware of other people talking behind my back.
*No thick skin/no self confidence. If anyone picked a fight with me I would either start crying or hide. I got a bit better over the course of high-school but really only got a thick skin when I moved out/ graduated from high-school.
*Odd behavior.
*Very quiet. I thought speaking my own opinion was offensive, now I have more confidence in my opinion.
*Didn't understand how to maintain a good conversation. Didn't know what say beyond saying hello.
*Few friends/ no support network. High-school sucked massively, I remember starting my first day of high-school alone because my so-called primary school friends had abandoned me. Not to mention I was a good target for bullies because I was very quiet.
*Appearance. In high-school I was like "whats makeup and hair brushing lol?" I slouched alot but I don't as much now.

I still get bullied now and again but I can defend myself. I understand how conversation works, how to argue effectively, I'm more aware of my surroundings and more comfortable in my own skin. I do be get insecure too occasionally but I'm working on that. Being surrounded by supportive people helps too.

I talked funny
I seemed slow
Tender hearted
I got upset easily
I couldn't fend myself
I was very trusting and naive
I talked about weird things
I was rude and mean (not intentionally)
I wanted things her way (yeah the inflexibility and always thought I was right)
I didn't like to be touched
I wore different clothes than everyone
Kids thought I was weird
My hair could never stay neat
I was clumsy so kids thought I always did it all on purpose
I took things seriously
I was unable to control my behavior
I didn't know any unwritten rules
Odd body language
Sensory issues
I couldn't hold a conversation nor carry one on
I was obsessive
I loved to tease and didn't know when to stop
I didn't understand other people
I bullied others thinking I would fit right in and kids would like me and not think I am stupid because they would see I was just as good as them. I also thought it was something you do because others did it to me.


The bullying stopped when we moved so I had a fresh start and I was a different person then so no one knew of my past and what I used to be like.

I still don't know why they bullied me. I used to get called teacher's pet. I guess that was because the teachers knew interesting things and I found them more interesting to talk to than the students. Sometimes I think it had something to do with my being very much a rule-follower, and sometimes it was because I wasn't aware of and thus couldn't follow the social hierarchy.

I know my stepdad picked me to bully because I was smart enough to see through his lies and because I didn't know how to placate him. Maybe the other situations were something like that. I expect a lot of myself and I call out other people when they fall short, too. Maybe some people find that annoying. I know better now than to get picky about minor offenses, but I still won't let it pass if somebody is doing something major, like say drinking when he knows he'll be driving home. Now I usually know how to put it in a less confrontational way, like insisting that if the guy looks even the least bit tipsy, he's going to be sleeping on somebody's couch tonight instead of driving himself home. Stuff like that.

I guess I was a goody two-shoes. That's probably it. I see the best in everyone, give them the benefit of the doubt, see that I am very fallible and so are they... but once it's obvious they've stepped over the line, I don't excuse it; I don't excuse it in myself, either. People don't like that. I am still figuring out where the line is between sanctimonious annoyance and calling people out when they really need it.

Wow, I am so sorry you had to endure all that! When I was a little kid I wasn't bullied much and was allowed to be different for the most part because I was an "artist" and gifted at things like drawing and reading, but when I was almost a teenager that all went down the proverbial toilet. I was more verbally and emotionally abused, surprisingly more by boys than other girls who were usually just cold or indifferent. And sometimes the boys would throw rocks and things at me and once I was harassed sexually. Well, I was harassed at other times too but it was a lot more subtle and there was no zero-tolerance at my school. Anyway here are the things that I believe led to my being bullied:

-Have had a history of ear problems my whole life and once I developed a severe mastoid infection, in which this lovely gunk that smelled very bad was oozing out my left ear. The boys who noticed would scream "Smmmm-ELLY!" every time they saw me. This happened for a while even after a number of surgeries cleared up the infection and the smell.

-Had an obsession with Garfield the Cat that the boys found delightful to scream out, "Garfield's DEAD!! !" every time they saw me. I couldn't even go to the mall or walk through my own neighborhood without them screaming it to me occasionally.

-Was more interested in drawing cartoons, watching cartoons and video games than much of anything else, making it difficult for me to relate to other kids, especially girls, but I was good friend with some boy relatives from my childhood.

-Had little or no interest in typical teenager things like dating or having a love interest. Only wanted to wear comfortable clothes and not the latest fashions, and seldom wore makeup.

-Was obese., although I went through a period where I seldom ate and had little appetite, and developed a fear of eating in public places because my throat would seem to snap shut every time I tried to swallow food. At night at home however I would eat a lot, although I started hating having to eat at the table with my parents. I was also on medications where weight gain was a side effect.

-Would have facial tics that the boys would copy. This may have been a side effect of one of my medications although it started in sixth grade before then. One time I couldn't even keep both eyes open and I must have looked like a horrible drunk.

-Had a high sense of right-and-wrong, and firmly believed things like smoking, substances and even sex were bad. Yeah, that made me really popular...not.

-Would often repeat things I read out of books as a way of communicating, which made me sound strange and kids would laugh because they had no clue what I had just said. I had a sort of an advanced vocabulary for a girl my age, probably because I read a lot. Most of the kids at my school couldn't speak English even though it was their first and only language.

Now that I'm an adult I'm all too aware of what vicious little demons children are while their excuses for parents see them as precious angels, and the media shows that they are worse than ever. Because of this I am now somewhat pedophobic. That's the opposite of a pedophile, where instead of wanting to molest children you're afraid they will molest YOU! (but not always sexually).

-

i was bullied extensively by almost everyone around me
My mom a NPD bullied me extensively even after i got married she controlled and manipulated by husband, I remember
when we gave her house on rent ( after leaving there for 3 years we had to move out to a apt given by my husbands boss)
she verbally abused my husband saying that i gave him that plan to capture her house she called me names and bitched
about me to my husband. And after that she called me up daily telling me that i should help her prepare documents for that
house which she wants to rent out to someone she knows. I mean after all the abuse she was cool about everything.

My elder brother a bully he used to hit me, kick me, make me do his errands and after all that call me b***h, dumb etc

My father used to hit me on daily basis with belts, shoes and everything else

I was too naive right from a tender age my classmates used to bully me they used to hide my things, push me,
call me names

Life was pretty difficult but i never realised that until i became quite mature.....i dont fit in with society
I dont have friends in my office....they avoid me and make fun of me

I just keep to myself its safe but yes anymore bullying i might give up

They bullied me because there was no one else both big enough and caring enough to stop them.

Most of the bullies are dead now; only two are left. One is in prison, and the other is overseas.

I never really asked myself "why" - I just thought that this is how the world works: that I exist only to suffer and the others exist to be my tormentors.

I found it useful to be considered "crazy" - that usually made them keep their distance. They were afraid they could get "infected" or something. So I carefully cultivated and maintained the image of being crazy.

I know I would have been bullied if I hadn't been the biggest/strongest kid in class and did martial arts so pretty much "naturally" had bully protection around me before ever getting bullied. I of course only realized this till a later age when school wasn't forcing people to be around me any longer and anyone I thought was my friend had pretty much only "endured" me.

I mean.. I used to call myself a social chameleon thinking I could walk up to any "culture" at school and start talking/interacting to them. I did 90% of the things that got you guys bullied and always felt weird and strange because of this, but because I didn't get bullied and I suppose didn't pick up on the queues that people didn't want me around, I always forced myself into situations and thought I belonged there. And maybe even that my weird feelings about it all came from a sense of superiority, not a lack of understanding. (of course that's still highly debatable part of autism in general, not caring and thus not understanding why one person would possibly want to "bully" you over some nonsense may be superior to actually having those kinds of feelings/desires, no?)

What I'm maybe trying to say, and I fully understand how stupid it may sound, but getting bullied as an autist at least let you know how people "truly" thought about you rather than people still thinking that about you but acting nice "because they have to" for whatever reason. It helped you become who you are now rather than having to figure out later in life that "you don't match well with normal people".

I starting to realize more and more than this world is built upon negativity or fake positivity so you better learn to work around that instead of trying to get into a place that's all about positivity. I say school is a mirror into our entire society, and guy who gets popular in school because he's an as*hole will become successful because he as*holes his way through life over the backs of the people who're nice, 100% of the time. I mean the second the as*hole becomes a nice guy he'd stop loading his own pockets and look out for the people around him, NO ONE does that.
It's a world were it's completely normal for "VIP's" to get paid for doing something that's telling/making "the normal people" do for free. Like beneficiary concerts/aid money collection for disasters.

Anyway I'm starting to ramble.

I had bad skin eczema as a kid & would scratch till I bled.
I'm extremely nearsighted even with glasses I have problems seeing distances due to a rare low vision disorder that was undiagnosed.
I got things confused due to dyslexia.
I talked, sung & made different noises to myself.
I randomly quoted things I thought were funny from TV & movies.
I said some very inappropriate things that I didn't really understand trying to be funny.
I sometimes tried to do impressions or talked with different accents in different styles trying to be funny or cool.
I laughed alot thinking of things I heard or seen or from my daydreaming.
I moved my hands while daydreaming that I was doing things like flying spaceships or shooting.
I went up to people & tried suddenly talking to them about things I seen on TV.
I hated sports & s#cked at them.
I have a tremor disorder that acts up when I'm nervous or doing things with fine motor-skills.
I got nervous very easily.
I was focused on rules & seeing that others fallowed them like I was Barney Fife from Andy Griffith & I tattled on them like I was Jan from the Brady Bunch.
I sometimes squirmed due to sensory issues or feeling physically uncomfortable .
I was very immature.
I tried to join in discussions when I didn't understand what they were talking about.
I misinterpreted others joking & playing as bullying & got upset.
I sometimes said mean things trying to be playful & joke around with others that they interpreted as me being mean.
I didn't have the typical interest that boys my age were supposed to have.
I acted weird trying to be funny.
I was physically weak.
I got upset very easily when routines were changed.
I rocked, tapped my hands on my desk & had other stimming behavior.

They bullied me because I looked lonely and naive. But soon they realized that it was better not to provoke me, and this was when they received my kicks on their backs. So the bullying went on for a very short time (a month, I think). This proves that, after all, I have good problem solving abilities.

I was bullied as a child and as an adult.

Whatever the minutiae reason-wise that someone is considered different by others, just the fact that there is something(s) discernably different is enough to single you out. There is an animal instinct amongst the pack to punish or ostracise the different one. I've said in another similar thread about this, perhaps being different is some sort of genetic alarm bell.

Only in high school (though I'd be bullied the same now if I were around groups of peers):

didn't talk to most people; when I did it was the usual monotone and slow speech (have to pace myself)
probably had odd and different body language (I know I did as that was a common thing for others to point out)
wasn't into what others were

Just different, and as others have said, different is something that's pointed out and made fun of (different is probably a threat to the status quo of the group, plus a possible violent threat in the past)

Wow, I didn't stand a chance. Looking back I can tick "yes" to 80% of the traits mentioned here. This one stands out in particular, especially when everyone said "it's your fault for not fighting back!"

Some of my bullies said (and I believe them) that they would have no problems killing someone if they could get away with it. That combined with the mob mentality meant that 'fighting back' was the equivalent of trying to take out a Mafia Don. I always shake my head when people say it would have stopped had you fought back. No sane man alive would fight back against 10 physically strong boys who don't care if they go to prison and have nothing to live for!

-Was into stockcar racing when it wasen't cool, only one in school who liked it.
-very clumsy, bad at stick and ball sports not that I cared, always picked last.
-by grade 7 I was into folk/country music and hated the popular stuff, great way to be liked.
-was into politics and the enviroment and read about it at school alot in independet reading. people though I was werid or boring.
-bad at playground interaction and prefered to be alone, pace around
-was on a few diffrent meds, gained 30 pounds on one in grade 1 and was refered to as "flubber" by a kid heavyer then I a movie at the time, that went on forever
-never followed fads or trends, always had diffrent hair styles, clothes mostly had outdoor nature prints, never understoold why someone would pay $30 to advertise for Nike for free
-I tend to get on my soapbox every now and then and talk about higher issues.
-Struggled academicly, low grades
-Struggled in group work, seen as low performing on meny topics
-wasen't into dances, dating, did my homework during the dance and recess
-strong sence of morals and ethics (ie sexism, discrimintion, littering etc.) and called out those who failed to comply, and I never regreat this one no matter I much trouble it coused me
-found teachers (good ones) more interesting and would talk to during recess
-volenteered to help the janitior for a year at recess, best year ever!
-got emotional easy
-thought meny of the other kids were stuck up and dumb no matter what their repoart cards said.


I thought it was normal so I went along, I was pround of in intrests and when I had the chance to pick the radio station/topic for example I picked what I liked, by high school I had just learned to keep away from everyone and focus on the work I was there for, i have no friends from there.

kids would often ask me for info regarding school policy and their legal rights when the admin got overreaching becouse I could understand the written word of the school policy, lots of rules are now in exsistance becouse of me. was elected color house leader once. I was one heck of a debater if I could avoid crying

Not sure what I could have done diffrently to stop it, No Regrets