I don't know what to do now

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New here. My boy was recently diagnosed with Aspergers, so what now? What do I do when he plays the wii and yells and screams like he is being tortured because he dies on Mario or gets little? In the past, we found that ridiculous and so we did all we could to stop it and told him it's immature, crazy, etc, but with the Aspergers diagnosis, we at least understand. We just don't know what to do. That is just an example of what sets him off into uncontrollable screaming and yelling and anger. School has gotten completely out of control. I didn't even make him go today because yesterday, the school psychologist dropped him on his head as he was trying to hold onto him while my son was fighting to get away. He was dropped on his freaking head!! ! He has it in for his four year old brother and treats him very bad. I would say it borders abuse and is definitely bullying. I don't abuse my children so it is hard to believe that my child is growing up being abused. Help.

I also caused a lot of crapstorms as a kid whenever psychiatrists were involved because I thought everybody around me decided I was crazy, which made me feel quite angry. Autistic people of all ages tend to be unaware of information that's unstated due to issues with eye contact and reading facial expressions, so focusing on verbal and visual development is important to maintain your son's contact with the world, but working around weaknesses is another priority.

Mmmm, l have a close friend whose son did the exact same thing with games and also would be aggressive with his little brother too, the boys are older now, they don't have that problem anymore but l will ask about how they went about it? I'll get back to you

my nephew was a hitter. he stopped when his parents wouldn't let him play baseball unless he quit.

Thanks for the replies. I wish he cared about baseball. My question is, do you just let them freak out? We can't reason with him in any way to stop it. Punishment just makes it worse. When it comes to his little bro, sadly, it is not just hitting but mean, hateful words along with hitting and hurting. He is so mean to him. My brother treated me the same way growing up and although some of my concerns might sound trivial, my brother commit suicide two months ago tomorrow and as I look back on his and our life and analyse what went wrong, I think my son and my brother are similar. I never could put my finger on how they are similar, but with this Aspergers diagnosis, I now know that it is the Aspergers traits that make them similar. I want to help my little boy. I want him to have a better life than my brother did. Seriously, between my brother committing suicide and my son being diagnosed with Aspergers at the same time and me thinking there is a connection between the two, I am in a living hell. Can someone tell me what to do. What is the next step after diagnosis? He was diagnosed through the school. Please help.

You haven't told us how old your son is and that would make a difference to what anyone might advise.

Make an appointment with the school psychologist to find out what is available in your area for you to get training and advise about how to devise a behavior modification plan for your son. Do not hold a grudge against your son's care providers in school. As long as they are your only resource; they are your best resource. You know how difficult it is for you to deal with your son, so it will not be simple for anyone else either.

You need expert local guidance; someone you can talk to face to face and who can observe your son, first hand. Seeking that expert guide is your 1st priority.

Thank you! I don't hold a grudge at all. We have decided not to even tell the principal because we have seen the psychologist try to help him and we know he has a good heart but the fact he was dropped on his head is a sign of just how completely out of control the situation has become. I will talk to the psychologist like you said and go from there. I am pretty desperate, this is the first time I have signed up for any online forum.

He is eight years old and in second grade.

my 7yo second grader is a lot like yours. He gets all crazy when playing his video games, if mario dies, etc... He is also not always nice to his little sister, he doesnt hit her but he antagonizes her, bosses her around, and can be hurtful with his words.

My son is homeschooled and doing well academically, he has a lot of friends both homeschooled and reg schooled. I belive casue he isnt with any particular group long enough to drive them crazy...lol. I kknow if my son was in a reg class it would be a terrible experience for him, I feel for your son. No ideas on the school thing, except maybe homeschool him! We keep a tight schedule during the week, there are NO video games during the day, and he has to earn them in the evening by finishing all his schoolwork, doing his after school activity, etc...weekends are different he has much more free time to do what he wants.

good luck!

Your son sounds very much like my own at that age.

Last edited by ASDsmom on 12 Jan 2013, 8:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This video lecture on collaborative problem solving for challenging children may resonate with you. If so, it may be a valuable website/approach to explore.
http://www.livesinthebalance.org/whats-your-explanation

Thank you, these are the answers I was looking for. MMJMOM, I have been begging him to homeschool and have been talking it up to him like it would be amazing. I tell him he can learn on the computer and the computer is his obsession. I might just have to do it against his will. He tells me that he needs to be at school because he needs friends which is true, but he's not making any and he's actually probably making his friend situation worse by being there but I think he likes all the attention from the psychologist, the principal, the behavioral specialist, and the fifth grader that the school is using as a mentor. How did you find homeschool friends for your son?

My son gets very emotional about his video games. I try to go the "big deal little deal" route but to him it really is a big deal. Generally I let him vent vocally, and only really only get massively involved if he starts banging on stuff. I am trying to get him in touch with his emotions, and I will help him identify them. I have decided that I allow a certain amount of venting at home so maybe he can learn to process things on his own first before I just step in. I used to step in earlier, but I am trying something new to see what happens. Sometimes he does it for attention, so I am trying to nullify that aspect of it.

It is really hard.

This website is really good. I highly recommend it.
You need to start with trying to understand your son's behavior and what triggers him. While it may seem like the trigger is the video game and Mario getting small, I'd be willing to bet there are a lot of other stressors that lead up to an outburst. Intense anxiety is often part and parcel of ASD. If you can start to bring down his overall stress level, you will likely see improvements all the way around. Your son also needs to be able to recognize his emotions and learn emotional regulation. How Does Your Engine Run? Is a good program to start with. We use a 5 point scale for the same purpose.
At school there are many things they can do such as establishing a visual schedule and as suggested above, a behavior modification plan. His school day needs to be predictable and non-preferred activities need to be balanced out with quiet time or some preferred activity so he can try to stay regulated.

Finding homeschool friends was super easy! I joined local homeschool groups, you can do a yahoo groups search as well as meetup.com, or google homeschool and your area. You wil get lots I promise! There was a period of time where my son asked to go to school cause his group and speech therapist kept telling him how much fun he would have there. I had to explain to him at the time, I had to make the best decision for him, and homeschooling was right at that time. But if in the future maybe school would be better. Since then, this kid cringes when others mention him going to reg school, his answer? "NO WAY, I have too much fun homeschooling! I get to do my work fast and have the rest of the day to play with freinds or do whatever I want!" Cant argue with that can you? He is also in afterschool activities Mon-Thurs and has a permanent playdate every friday, He also has programs over the weekend. SOOOO my son is very, VERY busy and kept around kids every day!

You can join the groups now just to get info!

good luck

First of all, start at the stickied posts on the top of this forum - there is a section on "meltdowns" (the term we usually use for "freaking out") and on aggression.

Second, welcome! When I was first here, first diagnosed, and also lost (and freaking out, myself) a longtime poster said that I'd just been handed a set of keys to my son. It's true: the diagnosis is the beginning of your journey and will help you find the way.

A major generalization that may help you at this point - it is helpful to think of kids on the high-functioning end of the spectrum as being 30% younger than their chronological age. Your child's reactions may seem easier to understand if you simply think of him as a younger child trapped in the expectations we hold for older children.

As for the games, many of our kids struggle with winning and losing for multiple reasons: my own has a hard time with the element of chance (he does no better when he wins than when he loses.) Some kids struggle with the social aspects ("sore" winners and losers,) or with a rigid idea of how things are supposed to be. Your job as a parent right now is to really pay attention to what is going on with your child when he's struggling, and try to piece out the unique and particular drivers of his behavior. He suffers from a social communication disorder, so sometimes behavior may be the only way he has to tell you that he's struggling with something.