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KingKoolXD001
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15 Jan 2013, 3:34 am

This girl I like thinks I'm obsessive , for majority of the long time we've known each other there's moments where the two of us do not speak for long periods due to me either being rude or me being upset at her reasons I now see we're immature. Basically to try and fix these situations I write long apology letters and ridiculously long texts being way more open than I should, through this method I discover I go into " stalker mode" and it's very childish annoying and un attractive of me and has caused this girl to not want to talk to me when i act this way, Has this happened to anybody else? Would somebody perhaps know what I should do to fix this?



Fatal-Noogie
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15 Jan 2013, 6:38 am

KingKoolXD001 wrote:
I write long apology letters and ridiculously long texts being way more open than I should
Oh yeah. I've done that before also. ;)
I'm not proud of it either, but I don't consider that part "stalker-mode", since it's not invading their privacy, like following or spying would be. If they explicitly ask for no more communication and the messaging continues, obviously that's inappropriate. Otherwise, I see it as me expressing my freedom of speech (sticks & stones). Fortunately for me, nobody has ever been so annoyed with my eccentric behavior that they've blocked or banned me or told me to stop or shut up. A few times I promised them of my own accord to stop sending messages after they alluded to their disinterest in me, and I've kept those promises.
KingKoolXD001 wrote:
Would somebody perhaps know what I should do to fix this?
I would wait it out. Problems like that tend to go away with time.
I know in the context they may feel more severe than they are
because you care so much about what she thinks of you.
Remember that if she gets the wrong impression about you, that's her mistake, not yours.
You don't have to over-explain yourself to correct that.
In the words of Richard Feynman, "What do you care what other people think?"

However, if by "fix this" you mean 'win her heart', then I'm the wrong person to ask,
because I could never figure that part out either. :?


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Northeastern292
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15 Jan 2013, 10:31 am

I have slight infatuations over girls I have little chance of going out with.


But yes, I've been called a creeper on more occasions than I can count. And I'm aware there are things I can do to work on that.



VAGraduateStudent
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15 Jan 2013, 4:47 pm

I don't know about this "letter" business. I have a NT family member that wrote letters to his wife when they were broken up and the whole thing bothered me. I'm not sure why an adult would write a letter to another adult unless one of them is 80 or in another country. It seemed like something one would do on Masterpiece Theater.

However, I think you could continue writing out your long texts, just to get your thoughts in order, and then make yourself edit them down so that they are 1/2 or 1/3 the size of the original. I think you'll be happier with your end result and then you won't feel like you put too much out there. She's also more likely to read the whole thing if it's shorter.



muslimmetalhead
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16 Jan 2013, 7:02 am

Same here for most of what everyone else said.


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LordExiron
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16 Jan 2013, 1:41 pm

VAGraduateStudent wrote:
I don't know about this "letter" business. I have a NT family member that wrote letters to his wife when they were broken up and the whole thing bothered me. I'm not sure why an adult would write a letter to another adult unless one of them is 80 or in another country. It seemed like something one would do on Masterpiece Theater.


It's just a good way to organize your thoughts, and make sure you get down everything you want to say, because sometimes you will speak and forget to say something, or your thoughts might be unclearly organized.



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17 Jan 2013, 1:17 pm

Erm, no. I'd be too shy to write such letters, or to even make a pass at a girl.

I actively watch my behavior, so I don't do things that could be considered "creepy".
As a result, I think I'm perceived as asexual. I'm not exactly happy about that, but it's better than being perceived as creepy.



FishStickNick
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18 Jan 2013, 1:50 am

I've never been called a creeper, no.



stevenjacksonftw7
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18 Jan 2013, 2:40 am

One irritating girl thought that I was a creeper just for looking at her three times when she was making a fool of herself by being loud since I have ADHD and I get distracted by noise, and since I was silent (she did it behind my back acting as if I couldn't hear her in college). The same one called me an idiot for no reason with her doing the same thing which got me to get in her into trouble and I refused to aid her.



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18 Jan 2013, 12:34 pm

I am way to over the top to ever be called a creep or a creeper. I am more in the ''annoying'' group,
which seem to be forgotten in this generation.



rabidmonkey4262
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19 Jan 2013, 12:45 pm

KingKoolXD001 wrote:
Basically to try and fix these situations I write long apology letters and ridiculously long texts being way more open than I should, through this method I discover I go into " stalker mode" and it's very childish annoying and un attractive of me and has caused this girl to not want to talk to me when i act this way, Has this happened to anybody else? Would somebody perhaps know what I should do to fix this?
Sorry to be the one to tell you, but you already destroyed any chance you had. "Stalker mode" is very unattractive and there's no erasing that mistake. The best I can say is that you need to keep things casual. That means no unsolicited contact. Plus, you could find yourself in legal trouble if you keep obsessing.


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equestriatola
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19 Jan 2013, 10:31 pm

*sigh* It's happened to me........... and I certainly meant no harm! I'm not a maniac, I think today's society is waaay to paranoid.


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CaptainTrips222
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20 Jan 2013, 12:47 pm

equestriatola wrote:
I think today's society is waaay to paranoid.


Yeah, that's part of it.



aspiemike
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20 Jan 2013, 6:03 pm

If you are going to send a letter or e-mail, you do it once and never again. Regardless of what you say or what you do, you walk away after you are done. I can assure you that there is no guaratnee the person will ever read it or get back to you. It is what it is.
It is ok to ask others you are friends with that know her if she is doing well and provided you are genuine and sincere about it. Don't ask if she is talking about you or saying how she feels for you either as this is borderline stalker territory as well.



ava777
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23 Jan 2013, 2:04 am

[/quote]Sorry to be the one to tell you, but you already destroyed any chance you had. "Stalker mode" is very unattractive and there's no erasing that mistake. The best I can say is that you need to keep things casual. That means no unsolicited contact. Plus, you could find yourself in legal trouble if you keep obsessing.[/quote]

I attract stalkers, I think it's something about being an aspie.
I agree, the best way to fix it is to leave her alone. It's not something easily erased.
I'm sure that breaks your heart, but the more you pursue her the more she'll get creeped out, and she might posssibly save those letters for a restraing order. A lot of women won't explicitly say, "LEAVE ME ALONE" (kind of a social norm thing); they'll ignore you or give excuses.

I have a three stike rule. The third time someone, of any gender, ignores me or makes excuses to hang out, I won't pursue them. If they wanna hang out then they can make the effort to communicate with me.



Zaswe12
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23 Jan 2013, 1:38 pm

Yes, people tend to call you a creeper when you walk through parks at night.