Considering quitting my job

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I've been working at the same job for 4 years, but according to my boss (who doesn't want to hear anything about my psychological and neurological conditions) I'm on my last straw with them. She blew up at me today out of nowhere because she said my tone on the phone was "dismissive". I actually wasn't feeling dismissive, I was trying to explain why I'd missed a deadline and ask for help. I've come to realize that the tone of my voice and my facial expressions rarely match what I'm actually feeling or trying to convey - but how would I know that, or explain that to my boss, much less fix it? Since I'm on my "last straw" with them, I can't imagine this job lasting much longer. I'm good at it and work very hard at it, but because I don't blow my own horn all the time - I just com in and get my work done - they don't appreciate what I do. What I've learned is that apparently if you have good social skills, your mistakes are only human and quickly forgiven, even if they take the whole company down with you, but if you're bad with social skills your mistakes are unforgivable - you must be perfect at all times to fly under the radar, because the system will not have you there if you are detected.

Anyway, I'm very seriously considering resigning tomorrow. With my Aspergers, I'm in a complete no-win situation. I've not been formally diagnosed yet - I've just started that process, the Adult Autism clinic in Seattle having just opened a couple months ago, and though I have ADHD as well (diagnosed) there are no accommodations for that so I can't imagine that there would be any for autism either. If I knew how to fit in, I would - but I don't know how and never will. It's not something I can learn, or a switch I can flip on. But I'm worried that if I quit this job, I won't find another one - I would have no recent work reference and would be highly anxious about trying another job. I suppose since the bridge is already burned (thanks a huge fat lot for that, Aspergers) I could wait to be fired and at least get unemployment for a while. But I'm so depressed by the whole situation that I don't know if I could hang around just waiting to be fired. I can't fake emotions and it would surely be clear to all that I didn't want to be there. Oh, and it's a small company - so of course no HR department.

I'm feeling pretty worthless today. I know that I'm a good person - I never do anything mean or malicious to anyone else - and I work hard and really care about my job. But it's not and never will be enough. There's some grand talk out there about mainstreaming people with Aspergers and HFA but my experience is that it's just not going to happen for me. I am married and have 2 kids so of course I could be a homemaker, and that's probably what I'll do, but I'm just feeling very worthless as a human being - which I completely am, by the standard of human beings - and wondering what the point of life is if I will never be accepted as a real person by anyone but my immediate family. I feel my world contracting and I'm afraid that it will just continue to contract until I don't leave the house any more and just play solitaire for the long decades until I die. Not exactly what I'd dreamed for myself before I realized how broken I am. I wish people could just take 2 minutes to see the real me - neurotypical people who are supposedly so good with social skills but to whom I am either totally invisible or deeply suspect.

FML.

considering your boss sounds like a demanding and intolerant jerk, keeping you on the payroll for 4 years speaks much to your skills and professionalism. This makes me sure that you will have no trouble finding another job quickly if you worked on it.

Don't quit until you have found another job and are ready to start it.

Some bosses will purposely keep you down and feeling worthless to make you think you can't find work elsewhere and/or to avoid giving you a raise. This is very common, and especially true with small businesses. I was seriously underpaid and overworked the first few years of my work life. Start thinking about all your different tasks and accomplishments at your job over those 4 years (no matter how large or small) and make a list. then google your work title along with the words "sample resume". download a sample resume for someone looking for a similar job than yours and simply edit it with your work experience, skills, and info. submit atleast 10-20 applications online to different companies looking to hire (it literally only takes a couple minutes each to attach the resume and type in your name).

once you've gone to a few interviews and accepted a new job, then you can tell your boss you either quit or you would like to renegotiate your contract (it feels sooo good). But until then, don't tell your current boss anything.

You sound like a worthy employee. you are in a position of power more than your own boss is. he/she is stuck at her job while you can apply for a new job anywhere, anytime and take it if you want to. so recreate yourself (nice interview clothes, fresh attitude) shop around, and "Do YOU"

by the way: even if you go to an interview and get the job, you don't have to accept it right away if you're not sure about it. you can ask the interviewer if you can give him an answer in 3 days (excuses: you have to look at transportation issues or discuss it with your current boss) or something like that. you can also be honest and tell all the interviewers that you are currently employed but are looking at different opportunities. Interviewers have no problems with that, and they will give you a good starting pay. don't get anxious or stressed out about the interviews. there is nothing to lose, and just talking to interviewers will give you an idea of what skills and other things employers are looking for. there are no obligations or risks until you actually sign your new job contract.

You may be burnt out and suffering from anxiety/depression and not noticing it yourself, if your peers get a negative impression from you. I would work on depression first and then try to take control of the job. Sounds like you got it tough, don`t get too overanxious about it.

Your boss sounds to me like a typical jerk, one who either simply does not understand that we can't all be 'normal' (i.e. confusing, deceitful, dishonest and manipulative) - presumably the way she is - or perhaps she understands but does not care, in which case if I were in your position I would tell her to shove her job where the sun doesn't shine. To put it simply, she's a b***h who obviously has her head shoved too far up her ass to see what is really going on in her own office.

You shouldn't feel 'worthless as a human being', if only because the 'standard' that you have set for yourself to compare yourself to is an unreasonable one. It also appears to me that the 'standard of human beings', as you phrase it, is not a standard that one should aspire to in any case. Just take a look at the mess that the world is in now and has been for the last 6,000 years or so; this is all due to the unquestioned and misguided belief that those who are 'normal', who not coincidentally have always been in power and made the rules by which all others are judged, really do know what they are doing when it is rather obvious - to an outsider at least - that they don't. These people do not deserve to be in charge, for they have clearly demonstrated their complete ineptitude when it comes to creating a civilisation that is meaningful, just, progressive and worth perpetuating.

You don't need 'acceptance as a real person'! If being 'accepted' equates to being like 'them', then you should thank the heavens above, God, or whatever else you believe in that you did not turn out like THAT.