Help with body language

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Hi,

I recently applied for a promotion at my waitressing job, where I would be able to train new people. I have been here for a year already and they admitted that I would be perfect for the job, and I've trained two people already and they went on to do very well. I was also the only applicant. Today I got my feedback, and my interview with the regional training manager was 'unsuccessful'. I was given the form to look at, and I did very well in everything except body language. I therefore did not get the job, and I am extremely disappointed and humiliated that once again I have let myself down with the same old thing. I don't know how I was meant to behave in that interview, but as it is an informal company with a happy and carefree vibe I'm guessing I had to be more casual. However, I don't know what body language I am meant to put across here because I thought that I was smiling and trying hard to put across a positive image, but it didn't work. How do I 'do' body language in an informal interview?

Rather than berate yourself you should find out where you stand as I think this is blatant discrimination. You have already shown you can do the job well so your body language at interview is not a good reason for not giving you the job!!

I am disgusted with your employers!!

Thanks, to be honest I was really upset about it but what you've said has made me feel a bit better. I was upset because I thought that I had made big improvements with all of this, only to be told that I hadn't at all. Do you think that I should talk to my manager or just leave it?

This book has a great section on interviews: The Definitive Book of Body Language

Thanks, I'll check it out

Hard to comment on that, but I personally think you should at least ask about it. They do not have the legal right to deny you promotion based on your condition.

Your body language in the interview is not relevant to your ability to do the job. Don't allow them to stop you progressing.

True, but even so, people go by what they see. It doesn't matter how responsible and capable you are. If your posture suggests otherwise, people will feel uneasy about you. It's not a fact that I like; it's just an unfortunate thing about living in this world.

Unless your employer knows you're on the spectrum and you have also given a definition of what that means for you, it's not discrimination to deny a promotion based on something like body language. Neurotypical people naturally try to guess the internal state of each other and body language is one of those things that managers are trained to recognize and decode. Many autistic body language behaviors are misread by neurotypical people as "disinterest", "negative attitude", "confusion", etc. NTs can also pick up on anxiety and fake mannerisms, which are common in people with ASD/AS, especially during stressful situations such as when you're being judged. They usually don't understand that the fake mannerisms are just you trying to be polite/express yourself in a way they can understand, and the anxiety is because of the social situation (that they have caused, basically, but you can't say this to them because it sounds negative).

Also, ASD/AS often looks pretty different in females than in males, so it's even harder for NTs to understand/accept that you're on the spectrum.

If I were you, I would talk to my manager and also disclose to HR. I'm a big advocate for disclosing at work to superiors and HR because it's the only real way to protect yourself from NT social bullying and discrimination.

I do agree with you, but I don't think we should just accept this as ok even though it is what happens.

As an NT with other disabilities and Mental health issues of my own and mum of a wonderful ASD Daughter I believe we should all fight to raise awareness of difference and acceptance of those differences. Things can be changed, Women have the right to vote in the UK, etc,etc We all have to stand up for ourselves, each other and those who cannot do that for themselves.

I too believe in disclosure as we should not allow ourselves to be bullied, sidelined, stigmatized or silenced just because we are different.

Difference is what makes this world wonderful.