Dating Websites

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Are you a member of those gay dating websites or have you been a member of them in the past? I find them to be quite mundane. Most of them consist of guys who are looking for hookups. Have you been through any positive or negative experiences on these websites?

I've not been on any dating sites for over a decade now, but I used to haunt Gaydar and the gay.com chatrooms (these days it's all Grindr and stuff I've never heard of - damn I feel old...). Experiences were usually positive, because I didn't look for anything beyond hooking up - though I met a few weirdos. But I also met the reason why I've not been dating for a decade - so it is possible to find a more meaningful relationship. Just don't go looking for it.

I met my wife on an online dating site. We're happy

I'm on POF. I met my current boyfriend on it so no complaints. (POF=plenty of fish)

Tonight's hookup could be tomorrow's second date.

Don't discount the possibility that one of the reasons that a lot of the guys on their seem to be looking for hookups is that they are simply putting themselves in a position to maximize their chances to meet someone. Just because a man's online profile talks about his sexual interests does not mean that he does not have interests outside the bedroom. He's just speaking to the audience that he perceives is there.

All men have to find the balance between self-image and libido. Your hormones tell you that you want to get laid, but your brain tells you that you want a larger relationship with the person that you're having sex with. Every one of us navigates those twin interests and hopefully finds a place where they intersect. For some it's lifelong monogamy. For others it's lifelong cruising and hookups. For most of us, it's trial and error.

For the straight community, a site that caters for instant hookups would not be conducive to forming relationships and indeed no-one would expect it to be. This is because the straights have the advantage of the default position - anywhere you go, most people will be straight. You can meet people at your local dance classes, at work, on the bus, etc.

It's not that simple for homos. Aside from the 90%+ failure rate from just meeting random people, there's still a fair amount of prejudice out there. Some people will actively cause trouble if you out yourself and for that very reason some homosexuals will turn you down in fear of their own safety if you meet them in public. We still like the same activities, but we can't use them to meet potential dates (at least, not reliably).

Since the main difference between gay and straight is sex, this is what most gay "dating" sites are geared towards. It's a good opportunity to ensure the sexual aspect of any hookup will be compatible before you get invested - gay sex can be complicated - and it's a lot of fun, too.

I disagree. I met a few wonderful women from a dating site before I met my wife. I think you are speaking through your own personal fears?

I think that if you read back, you'll see that Thom_Fuleri doesn't present much in the way of fears relating to dating sites--not least becuase he met his partner that way.

What he may be doing is projecting his experience, as a gay man, onto what he perceives to be the reality of straight people.

Straight people are weird. I don't understand what the hangup is about sex before dating - it's fun, and it saves a lot of time finding compatible mates. I suppose there is that rather debilitating STD women get called "pregnancy" - can't blame them for wanting to avoid that.

There are plenty of nice people on dating sites. There are also plenty of a***holes. This mirrors real life - you just need to make good choices and keep trying. And there are some nice people who really do just want casual sex. If they're open about that, don't expect anything more.

I joined a couple of dating sites a few weeks ago.

Not met anyone yet, but I've chatted to a few cool guys.

Some do seem to be interested more in hookups though, and I reckon if I'd stated on the profiles that I wanted hookups, I'd probably have had more chance at meeting someone.