Married to a Man that may have Asperger or Autism??????

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I have been married to my husband for 6 years. This is my 2nd marriage and his 1st. I have two children that I brought into the marriage and made it clear during our dating that I could not have anymore children. I love kids and being around kids. I love to hear them laugh and watch them discover new things. Sorry I am getting off topic, my husband was 36 and I was 33 when we got married. My son was 14 and my daughter 13.

I don't know what information to put in this post so if anyone can help me please just start asking me questions. I am seeing a counselor now and she believes that my husband has Asperger. I just don't understand.... He is now 42 and I'm 39. There is no emotional support and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I am seeing a counselor now because I just can't seem to cope with things anymore. She had me take the humanmetric test to see what my personality is..... I'm ENFP.....my husband also took it he is an ENTJ....... I've has a really hard time over the last two-three years. Both my grandparents passed away within months of each other. My mothers parents. They were the glue. Sorry again off topic.....My son enlisted in the Army at 18 during his senior year of high school and when my daughter graduated she went to college in Texas to be a missionary. This has all happened within the last 3 years. Since 2009... I have had NO emotional support from my husband during these times. Looking back now I can see that is what I needed and didn't know. I just felt like I wasn't strong and I was doing something wrong because I wasn't handling all the stress I was going through. I was crying all the time. I was looking to my husband for comfort and was getting a cold response, and words like I was being to emotional and I needed to just be happy.

When I started seeing this counselor I took her pictures of our wedding so that she could get a feel for our starting relationship and our families. The counselor looked at the pictures and kept saying that my husband was very withdrawn. That he was not open. She pointed people out in the pictures that were very open and then she ask me if I knew what Autism was. I knew a little about it because I had work around kids with it but I had never really dealt with it. She said she believed my husband my have it and she wanted to meet him. She had one meeting with him and I took her a scrape book of him when he was a teenager. She said that she believed that he had Asperger. Which is a "high-functioning" form of Autism. So here I am trying to find as much as I can about Asperger and Autism. I still don't know if I even believe that is what is happening. Or if my husband just doesn't love me. I am not a good writer and I hope there is someone out there that can read this and help me find out the truth.

First impressions.

First of all the volume of question marks suggests you are horrified.

In general i would say that logic and analysis are aspie strengths but emotions and support not so much. This is typical of most males. Do you have female friends you can emote with?

Perhaps he cant relate because he has no kids? I'm not sure what support you require and how he would give it you - I suspect he has the same question.

Its not that he does not love you imo but he is an individual - talk to him about this imo. No two brains are the same.

What truth are you expecting to find?

Welcome to Wrong Planet. I think you've come to the right place as it is infested with lots of folks like your husband. Just joking! The thing is you might be trying to get blood from a stone. I'm trying to put myself in his shoes, that is, I don't mind having you for a wife but just don't expect all that lovey-dovey smooch-smooch there-there support. Ain't gonna happen. I'm not trying to be mean but that is just how I'm constructed. Yes, I do want you around but not in the way you expect. I like space. I'm a space freak. I don't like people probing me like I live in a Petri dish. I love you but don't take my coldness to heart. It's nothing against you. And I'm sorry if I don't socialize with your other family members because I hate crowds or being the center of attention. Yeah, I wanna stay married to you so just please have a little patience with me. I'm not perfect but I'm willing to give this marriage a try.

okay I will put it this way.....my counselor diagnosed him with Asperger, but he doesn't know that. He doesn't know that this is something that I am even looking into and I feel that he will NOT take this diagnosed well. I am just trying to find information about this. I have a family member that is married to a female AS and he is NT. They have a very loving and understanding relationship, but he knew before they married and knowing has allowed him to make adjustments. Along with they family because we know and understand.

Over the last 6 years I have turn myself inside-out trying to be everything to my husband. I was married before and did NOT want to make the same mistakes of NOT giving enough. Along with balancing my relationship with my teenage children. And I feel now that I have let everyone down and I don't understand how to make it better.

My close friends and family are very worried for me because I have changed as a person. I am a very outgoing person and love to try new things. The life of the party....Now I am withdrawn, I don't go around my family for fear that they will get upset with the depression I'm in. I just don't have the energy anymore. I know when I do get out with friend and family ....I feel alive!! !! ! and I love it but my husband says that he likes to do these things but it just seems to be an act. I see that he is uncomfortable.

He has told me that I am oversexed. ( I hope I can say this) but in the last year we have had sex 3 times.... I am so deeply hurt by some of his reactions that I don't go to him anymore. We sleep in the same bed but there is no love in our bed. And I feel lost. I believe I have dated and been around man enough to understand how a normal (I don't know if that is the right word) male would act. I have a brother and many male relatives and friends. This is the biggest thing I'm throwing out there...there are so many little things.....I am trying to save my marriage but at what cost?

And now, a word from our sponsor.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2o9-jmtNoU[/youtube]

I'm sorry I don't understand
if I could see the video I would understand

I watched the video....

But I get it. So can I ask you a question? Do you have Asperger?

ok...that was a stupid question.... My fault, this is my first time on this site. I'm just learning how to use these things.

So is this a normal behavior for someone with Asperger? To not want to have sex, because it's an emotional thing or because focus is somewhere else? Like computer games?

Can anyone answers these questions?

The answer is yes. You just describe me in the first 10 years of my marriage. One thing to remember, although aspies have some of the same traits we are not all the same in our personalities. It’s said if you met one aspie you met one aspie.

hyksos55 Are you still married? Did you know were an aspie? How did you know or when did you find out?

Sorry for putting up the Tammy Wynette video. I know it's suggestive, but at the same time, I am an aspie and bluntness is common with me. It sort of goes hand in hand with honesty.

Yes, 21 years now.

Not until recently.

Wife and son saw it first and suggest I see someone about it. I was diagnosed in November of last year.

Good for you guys...I'm happy for you.

I am just praying that I can find some answers.

redrobin....your cool, I understand, I took it as a joke but got your meaning.

Maybe this is just a case of very different personality types. He's an ENTJ Rational and you're an ENFP Idealist. Rationals are the least outgoing and least emotional of all the 16 types. It's not surprising that a Rational might not be able to give the level of emotional support that an Idealist requires. I'm an INTJ Rational and have known several ENFPs. I found them so different from myself that I was not able to understand them at all.

Lepidoptera : Thank you for your reply and yes I have thought about that too. We are so very different in the way we relate to things. I am glad that you said this because my husband has not been diagnosed with Asperger. I am just trying to understand it. I see what help I can find. So you don't have Asperger? Are you in a relationship?

I am not diagnosed and probably could not be but I have lots of aspie traits. I consider myself closer to aspie than NT. I have never been in a relationship and I'm approaching senior status which is one of reasons I don't consider myself NT. MBTI personality types was kind of a special interest of mine for awhile.