Asperger's and not looking forward to college.

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This is my first post here, I wanted to get some opinions/experiences on college. I am a high school senior and will be going to college next year. My top two choices at the moment are Oberlin and American, but I won't hear back from either school until April. I've been dreading going to college for all of high school. I've never been officially diagnosed with Asperger's, which means I'm on my own next year if something goes wrong because I can't register with disability services. My mom doesn't think I have Asperger's(she thinks I'm just a hypochondriac) so I've never had any type of intervention. I have almost every characteristic of Asperger's which significantly distances me from my peers.

I haven't checked to see if freshman are allowed to live off-campus at either school because my mom is requiring me to live on campus for my first year, because she says I need the college experience. She said that she was quieter too, so I should be fine. However, there is a big, big difference between being quiet and being socially awkward. Both schools have substance free dorms which is what I would apply too. There are two big differences(to me) about the schools. One, Oberlin is half an hour away from me, and American is 8 hours away. So at American, if something goes wrong, I'm pretty much SOL. The other difference is that Oberlin has single dorms available. The idea of living with another person is hell to me. I have a single mother and I am an only child, so I am used to having constant privacy and control over my environment. American doesn't have singles that I know of. Also, at American, I could be forced into a triple, and I don't know that I could cope with that. I really can't socialize with more than 1 person, when I'm with 2 people I'm always the one getting left out and forgotten about.

To me, living in a dorm is like a giant sleepover, something I loathe and have always tried to avoid. I've always opted out of situations that involve teenagers sleeping near each other without parental supervision. I've always been known as the one who is fun to prank and scare. I worry that I'll become known as the girl on the floor who is always crying for mommy or the party pooper. The part of my Asperger's that affects me the most is definitely my rigidity. I'm pretty okay with a change in routine, but I have a need to control everything about my home life/socialization. Basically, the advice I get from everyone is to grow up and deal with it, because all freshman have to move out and such. I'm not worried about academics, because I excel in school and look forward to taking interesting classes and having intellectual discussions.

I had somewhat of an experience of what dorm life could be this summer when I was an exchange student in Germany. Obviously, a lot of people drank, and my anxiety was through the roof. I was lonely and cried myself to sleep every night. The last week I was there, I was on a tour group with other American students and we stayed in various hotels. I had three roommates who were fantastic, and we're still in touch. However, the experience of living with other people and not having space to myself was extremely stressful and I was relieved to go home after that week. My roommates were quiet, but the other people on my hall weren't, and I couldn't tolerate hearing laughing and talking when I was trying to sleep. I became the girl who always complained about other people and it was awful.

I know a lot of people who have loved dorm life, but I do not know anyone with my personality who enjoyed it. I don't think I could be dreading next year anymore. All of my peers are excited to leave, but I'm going to be "that girl" on move-in day who is sobbing and clinging to mom. Everyone has said to me that move-in day isn't that bad and you start to hang out with people on your floor. That stresses me out so much. I feel like I'll never find my dorm to be home, that I'll always have this feeling of wanting to go back home. It's going to be really hard to accept that being away from home will be my life. Does anyone have any advice to offer or any positive experiences?

im going to be in your situation in a year lol , the place I will be going to is quite away from home so I will have no family there as for the socializing part , If I was you I would start by meeting and getting to know the people in your room ( and if you have your own the people next to your room ) and slowly meet more people more this way. I know this is not a good suggestion and a complete no if your on medication but when im a little tipsy I usually socialize more . but I only do this once every few weeks because drinking to much can be a bad thing 2 do

I'm (in all probability) starting university in October. My parents say I can stay with them if I want.

I have applied to Reading (local), Bath, Bristol, Southampton and Royal Holloway (London). If I go to Reading, I will live at home because it is only a five minute walk to university. I live closer to the Biosciences building than to my school.

If I go to Royal Holloway, I will also stay at home and catch the train in to the university. It is about a 20 minute train ride and then 15 minute walk.

If I attend one of the other three (Bristol are the only one who haven't yet made me an offer, though they also haven't rejected me... a good sign, as they have rejected a friend of mine who has been accepted by Oxford ) then I will have to live in halls. I can't catch a train from my local station to the nearest station, so I would need to go a station that is at least an extra 10 minutes away, then catch a train from there, then potentially get a bus.

Whilst I am excited by the possibility of going to university, I am not keen on leaving home and leaving all my things, so I probably intend to go to Reading.

BookGirl519: I have to admit I did not read. But I just have to say this, don't be afraid, I've been through the same a couple of years ago and not continuing school is my greatest regret.

Have you ever been on a school trip which required you to sleep there?

I think my anxiety about leaving home has been reduced by three very successful trips of that nature. I had one disastrous sleep over trip in Year 5 (age 10), but three excellent ones, the first aged 14 and two in the past year. I think I'd be capable of "going away for the week", but not for an extended period, it would have to be a temporary (if reoccurring) thing.

I'm not going to lie, living in a dorm is no fun. I am also a private person, and in the dorms you essentially have zero privacy whatsoever. If there is any option for a dorm with separate rooms, or an on-campus apartment or something ,take it! But that said, it isn't the end of the world, I managed to get through it myself and I'm sure you can too! Also I'm a guy, and the male dorms, at least at the schools I've been to, are a million times worse than the female dorms. Comparatively they were in complete disrepair, and the people in them were far more crazy/disgusting. In the end though it's only one year, and you'll be spending a lot of your time studying and doing homework anyways.

It really depends on your roommate, my first year I had a pretty decent roommate and we got along great. I didn't like living in that kind of situation, but at least we were able to become friends and enjoy each other's company. However I later had some terrible roommates who pretty much made my life miserable...one was an aspiring Broadway singer/dancer who would talk to his long-distance girlfriend on the phone for 7hrs a night.

With that college that's 30min away, would your mom not let you live at home? That would save a ton of money, it seems silly to want to pay all those extra living expenses. I know that if I had it all to do over again I'd have a serious chat with my parents about where I was going to be living, and I sure wouldn't pick the dorms again lol. I hate to play the pessimist in this post since usually I'm pretty optimistic, but I just had a really bad experience with dorms and can't bring myself to paint them as being all flowers. and roses.

I am socially awkward around strangers. I lived in a dorm. It was an all-girls dorm where most of the "geeky" girls lived because everyone else chose the co-ed dorms.

I honestly did not find it to be that bad. I was able to find people similar to me. I will have to say that my first college experience fell apart when I moved out of the dorms. Looking back, I realize I shouldn't have, but you know what they say about hindsight...

Okay, I'm halfway through my second year of college and, like you, was terrified of the whole idea in high school. Let me tell you about my experience.

Dorms. Yeah, they're probably the toughest part. At my college we have two options - two-person dorm rooms and four-person (four bedroom) apartments. I spent my first year in the dorm with a roommate I did not know. Actually, I never got to know her for the entire year. We had totally different schedules and we were both socially awkward and pretty much kept to ourselves. I'm willing to bet we didn't say 25 words to each other over the course of the two semesters we lived together. This year I am in a four-person apartment with three people (sort of friends) whom I went to high school with. I don't spend a lot of time in the apartment, but when I'm there I can usually be found in my room with the door closed and locked. What can I say - I just prefer to be alone and my roommates are loud and obnoxious.

I was actually quite surprised at dorm life. It isn't as bad as many people make it out to be. I need a lot of quite alone time to be able to function well in my classes. I need that time to close my door and just do whatever I need - whether that's pacing (a big one for me) or just laying on the bed staring at the wall or listening to my music. Even when I had a roommate I was able to stay get quite a bit of time to myself - chances are your roommate will have a different schedule than you and there will always be times when she isn't in the room when you are.

Plus, you'll find little places on campus where you'll love to hang out - for me, that's in one of the buildings where I have most of my classes. I can go into rooms there that aren't being used if I need quiet time and my room or apartment is too much to handle.

You'll be okay! You're more than welcome to send me a message if you have any more questions or just need someone to talk to!

There will be support services open to all students on your campus - counselors, financial advisers, mental health professionals, tutors..... Student services will have information about these.

It may also be worth talking to disability services about your feeling that you may be on the spectrum - they may help you follow this up independently or at least tell you where to go for advice if your mum isn't willing to help you.

Some universities have an AS group you can attend, disability services probably run it and if they don't they will know about it, and you may be able to access professional support informally that way.

I know exactly how you feel about sharing, I was fortunate never to have to share but I would have avoided applying to any university that even gave me a tiny % chance of having to share.
But I know people who have managed to face it and come through pretty well - a couple have even found a soulmate in their rooms; a friend for life they still trust after many years.

One thing you could do is view it partly as an opportunity for learning about how other people manage their lives, you won't get many opportunities in your life for observing NT behaviour so closely and it could be very enlightening.

Unless there is a good reason I would advise you to stay as close to home as you can - it at least gives you the chance of downtime at home on the odd weekend which might make things a lot more manageable. Some of my students spend more time at home than in their halls when they first start but gradually increase their time on campus as they become more involved with their work and more used to the setting.

I think you'll do better than you think, Bookgirl. I came into my undergrad with much the same situation--single mom, worries about college, and living in a dorm situation my first year. Living in a dorm comes with its rewards and difficulties, depending on each person. If it is possible, I would recommend trying to get a single, because having complete control over our own space is very comforting for us Aspies. I did have some unpleasant roommate situations, but sometimes I could fix it by changing roommates.

The actual classroom experience can be better than high scool. And definitely try out campus counseling; if you go to Oberlin, you can access it here at http://new.oberlin.edu/office/counselin ... /index.dot (I'm from Ohio myself).

Good luck! I survived both my undergrad and graduate programs.

I have had some overnight trips with school or my youth group, and even if I enjoyed them, I still couldn't wait for them to be over so I could go back home to a place where I can control my environment. I'm in the youth group at my synagogue and three times a year all of the youth groups in the region get together for a weekend and stay at homes in the city we are staying. I enjoy these events, but living with other teens is stressful, and if the people I am staying with are loud and don't want to sleep, I get panic attacks. And no matter how close to home I stay, I will be in a dorm. I applied to a university 5 minutes from my house and even if I were to go there I would be living in a dorm. To my mom, the "college experience" outweighs the cost of dorms. Asperger's and dorm life seems like a disaster waiting to happen to me.

If you think you can trive in an academic environment then I wish you all the luck. But tbh im probably the wrong person to speak to, I dropped out of college twice due to AS. I started each semester optimistic but different factors just fcked it all up. For instance when in class I was focusing on all the sexy ladies instead of what the teacher was saying, I didnt give a flying fck about certain subjects I viewed as irrelevant such as foreign languages, communications, chemistry etc. I got self conscious when after the first semester I hadnt made any real friends just associates but everyone else had friends to party with and it seemed like everyone was getting theyre dick wet but me . In other words it really depends on your level of discipline and confidence, I had neither I was destined to fail. I work on an organic farm now so everytings turning around I guess.