Let's compile a list of tips on navigating social situations

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No doubt for poeple with AS the biggest problem is social interation. We have to learn some of these skills if we are to get by in society at large. Now I am not suggesting that we transform into party animals, but these social skills would be a good defense against people out to manipulate us. If you have a question, post it here, and others who have answers can reply. Also post if you have any helpful advice.

I would like to take this opportunity to call out to any NTs on the forums to assist us. You guys are our experts on social skills

To kick this off I would like to post an Asperger Survival Guide which has tons of helpful advice on dealing with the social world.

http://www.asperger-marriage.info/survg ... tents.html

I will be posting things I picked up from my experience with NTs if people show interest in this topic.

This is very helpful, thank you for openning this topic.

My social experience is 'be easy', and it's really not easy to be.

Has anyone seen 'Habbo Hotel'?

It would be really good to have an AS version. A virtual place where we could walk around and learn about socialising with each other.

My kids used to go on Habbo. They each had their own apartment which they furnished themselves and they could invite friends round to talk or to play games, dance or just sit around listening to music. They could also walk around the hotel and mingle in the public places.

We must have at least one budding software genius who could build us a virtual AS hotel.

Two that I learned (the hard way):

1) 99% of every good conversation is listening. You might have a lot of things you want to say and a strong urge to say them (particularly if there's something new and exciting in your life) but most NT people are egocentric and will lose interest in the conversation if they don't get enough opportunities to talk about themselves.

2) When it's finally your turn to speak, don't tell people your problems unless you really are expecting them to offer you some specific help. People have enough problems of their own, and don't usually want to hear about yours. While it's nice to offer to help other people with their problems, you shouldn't offer more than once or they'll think you're patronizing and/or nosey.

I made aa thread like this in Members only about a week ago.

That site is awesome. Thanks, RadioHead

To add on the listening thing, the way I do it is by letting the other person speak. Even when it looks like they've finished speaking more than half the time they haven't, so I wait and don't say anything for about 10 - 15 seconds before I add to the conversation.

Another thing is to not feel like it's obligatory to say something. Unless I feel that what I'm going to say is relevant and going to go down alright, I'll stay "inside my head" so-to-speak. Usually this makes me a really quiet guy which can be a problem on it's own.

Ask questions.

Look interested and do lots of "really?"s, "a-ha?"s, "wow!"s, "that's unbelievable"s and the like.

Okay. Having unknowingly made a lot of enemies due to poor social interactions, I have this advice to offer.

If someone who you know dislikes you decides to come up and 'chat you up', DO NOT FOR ONE SECOND BELIEVE THAT THIS IS A GESTURE OF FRIENDSHIP. I believe many AS people have problems with being naive and gullible. Any attempts to 'get to know you' by such people are really attempts to 'test your defenses' so to speak, they will be on the lookut for any social weaknesses they can find with you, as well as information that can be used against you.

The best way to deal with this is to smile and play along with them. However, make sure that you realize their intentions and do not give away anything. If possible, be on the lookout for your 'opponents' dirty little secrets, then you will have someting to use against him, if you let anything slip.

I think that one of the lessons I've learned is that it's important to watch people for signs they want to leave, like looking at their watch, fidgeting, or glancing around.

I would like to extend on this by saying if an NT ever tells you about his or her problems, do not try "one up" them by bringing in an even bigger problem that you have, even if it is true. No doubt the problems that NTs face may seem extremely trivial and worthless compared to what an AS person face day to day, but NTs think that by doing this you lack empathy and that you are belittling their problems. Comparing your problems to theirs does not make them feel better about themselves.

The best advice I can give is to occasionally 'mirror' their words back at them, because simply saying "uh-huh" and "wow" (especially if you have problems with voice intonation) may mean that you are disinterested in what they have to say. Do not parrot their words back verbatim, but rephrase what they said to you in the form of a question. Of course, only ask them a question occasionally because doing it excessively can be percieved as being irritationg and do not forget to still say things like "I understand" and "thats terrible".

That can be a big turnoff if overdone. That kind of vocabulary belongs in high school and most of us grow up hopefully. Too much of any good thing can be a turnoff. I still get in trouble with my humor. One joke is fine but a parade of them makes most people wonder if you are to be taken seriously.

I agree with another poster that it is not a good idea to lead off a conversation with a new person with a litany of your problems.

Jerry Newport

I have a solution that works beautifully.....

Avoid Social Interaction
It works for me!

Unfortunately, you contradict yourself. By posting here, you engage in social interaction. To truly live up to your strategy, you would not be here And please don't interpret that as being told to leave!! !

Jerry Newport

I find I respond with an mmm! or yes every few seconds.

Trouble is I get caught out when people ask me a question like 'what do you think?'.

I often find I have got so caught up in the mmm's & ah's that I have forgotten to actually listen.