Compulsive lying

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I made a topic a few years ago about compulsive lying. My account has been inactive for over a year. I have
Received some messages regarding my thread, some new insight have come to me that might be worth sharing.

<DISCLAIMER

For those of you who want to judge me, do so. Aspies are generally considered to be honest and upfront - and why shouldn’t they. Yet I know that there are others like me, both with and without AS.
For you I hope you take your time to read my post, though it will be long.
Use this thread for whatever purpose you want, it's not not about me, it's just how I'll approach this topic.
/>

So basically in my other post I had some mixed emotions. My realization: I have a problem, and it has never been confronted. Neither by myself or others (and I feel confident that I'd just tell another lie, if so) even though my life has changed for the better. Finishing a degree, dealt with my depression (not permanently, on meds) started working out. Trying to be more confident and assertive - works great in my head... yeah.

So why haven't I confronted my "problem". Well it's like any addiction; it becomes integral to your life and a part of who you are. Without it, you have nothing. And when you have nothing, you are nothing. For me it's also the other way around.
I have an ego, and if I can't be something or someone, then I'm pathetic. I have nothing to live for.

If you take away the ability to empathize and connect with others on a deeper level and form meaningful relationships you have to fill that void somehow. Some might obsess about trains; others strive for money and fame, power. I lie -because I don't have the means to become successful or rich, and I don't care for trains.

My ultimate goal would be for my lies to become true, rather than to tell the truth. It feels that way when words slip from mouth and become part of my "reality". I can lie so easily because I feel that I have no integrity or self-respect. I do have some good qualities, but my aim is to be completely upfront and honest so I won't go into them.

Just to clarify: I'm not delusional. I play scenarios in head to compensate for my lack of life and approval. I'd like for them to be true, but I know they aren't. It's not your grandiose delusions of grandeur where I'm a handsome billionaire astronaut. Just things that many people take for granted (relationships, friends, happiness) - though I wouldn't mind being either.

I'm often terribly honest about flaws that others would cover up. It's because my pride lies elsewhere. It is my belief that the greatest lies are those that are have some element of truth. I really want to be like everyone else. My level of confidence has improved, but my lack of self-worth is pulling me back.

So is approach anxiety, unaware/bad body language, ability to read body language. The only thing that is worse than being autistic is being self-conscious about it. There’s no way I would ever tell anyone about my disorder- I know how belittled I feel around medical professionals who have access to that information.
My father also knows - it has really hurt our relationship because I feel that he thinks less of me (and he does, though he might not want to). It's like being sub-human.

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I lie very well and used to do it frequently, primarily as a means to cover my deficits and not appear like a complete loser. I write about this in my autobiography.

It's not true that those on the Spectrum can't lie. It is certainly more difficult for lower-function people, as many things are, but for everyone else, it is both possible and easy. Also many of us lie automatically (compulsively?) in order to appear neurotypical and at these times we often don't even realize we're doing. Sometimes we do it just to make conversation about our focused interested or to make conversation at all. However, many autistics merely choose not to lie, even if they can do so convincingly, because it is usually just quicker and easier to tell the truth.

I can lie. I don't lie on here or anything like that (well, sometimes may use a little white lie every now and again but not generally). It can be pointless to just lie about anything and everything. A lot of WP members here seem to think NTs lie literally all the time, but they don't. You get some NTs that may lie more than others. There are some that just use little white lies as a cover up or to get themselves out of trouble or whatever the reason may be, but otherwise, most people generally don't just lie for the sake of lying. At work we've got someone that lies a lot (tells one person one thing then another person something completely different), and there's often gossip that goes around about her. Someone went up to someone else and said, ''don't believe a word she says, she lies all the time.'' But not every NT is a ''bullshitter''.

I know people usually tell little white lies, like to save someone's feelings or whatever. I do too. I may be Aspie, but I do know better than to say ''yes, that dress makes you look fat and stupid!'' I mean, I'm not 5 any more after all. But if someone really did want an honest answer (maybe because they are self-conscious or are getting ready for a special occasion), I would most probably say, ''that looks all right, but I think this one would look better because the colour suits you''. Or something like that. Not everybody just says ''yes that looks good'' to everything. I know I suppose it can be hard for a person on the spectrum to tell the difference between a casual opinion and the other person really asking for an honest opinion. Lucky for me I have learnt to pick up on a lot of these social cues.

I know a man (likely to be an aspie) who is a retired university science teacher, he used to run short additional courses. He wanted to run one on the subject of honesty which would have considered the number of lies which are told to a typical person in a day. This course was rejected by the university as being far too subversive.

I can understand the idea of not answering the simple unvarnished truth to a question such as "does this dress make my backside look fat ?", sometimes the best way to deal with such a question is to refuse to answer. I love "No comment", there are some questions which I never want to answer.

Either I would have to lie or give out information which might cause harm. The cure is to refuse to answer any question from a person who is poking around trying to get information out of my in some sort of hostile mind probe. I have had a couple of half baked people try to get inside my mind, these were people like a medical school dropout who tried to use their medical training to get inside my mind. I resisted this assult on the the ultimate private place.

The next time I get a hostile mind probe I will be likely to use "no comment".

_________________
Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

The thing about compulsive liars is that everyone who knows them don't believe anything they say and the liars don't realize that. They are not generally confronted about it because that's not effective. Discounting what they say works well enough.

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I lie quite a bit, too. Pretty often, it's harmless and completely accidental, like in a social situation when I'm anxious and can't process things fast enough, likes just come out with no purpose behind them. I tend to exaggerate things a little bit as well to try to appear more interesting to people. When I meet new people, I tend to lie about having a much more extensive social life than I really do, though I've noticed NT's OFTEN do this as well.

Finally, due to my schizoid personality, I think it's sometimes hard to tell the difference between fantasy and reality. This sounds like I'm crazy and dysfunctional and belong in an institution, but no, it's not quite like that. I DO know the difference, but it's still easy to blur the lines between truth and fiction. If I could learn to use this to my advantage, I'd be unstoppable in the NT world.

Now, call me crazy, but I've been surprised before when my fiction/lie actually seemed to shape the real world. If I were a more spiritual being, I could maybe control this power, but as it is, I can't.

I was a compulsive liar as a teenager during my high school years. I told my parents that my days at school were wonderful, though I was very depressed. I felt that I didn't have a future, so I was a hippie at the time. I hated myself and my peers and I was scared of my parents and that's why I did those things.

Telling people that you're fine
isn't compulsive lying, everyone does that.

Probably I don't compulsively lie. I try to stick to truths, but when I lie, I'm fully aware of it and often do it in a calculated manner. If I judge someone is not worth my honesty, I may lie even when not necessary. I never want to lie to those people that I value though.

I used to be very careful not to lie, but the reality is that other people often interpret me wrongly or don't believe me and treat me as if I were a liar. It's another way those with good social manipulation skills can twist facts and make you look bad. So I don't see any point in being honest any more. Many people don't deserve honesty.

I have always been very honest here on WP because, as well as anonymity making it easier to be honest, this is one place where I want to be who I am and interact honestly with other people.

I used to lie compulsively as a child and teenager, until it got stressful and out of hand. Its much easier to tell the truth. But I find that every now and then I lie, and as soon as it pops out my mouth it surprises me because I dont think about it or do it conciously, which is weird. And there will be no reasoning behind it either, it can be so random.

When I was a kid and teenager the things I lied about were so obviously a lie, they were so extreme and dramatic lol looking back on it, the things I said both make me cringe and laugh. I know why I did it, I had no friends, im was always a wallflower and even though I had been at the school for quite a few years, many people whom I would share many classes with didnt know who I was or my name. Sometimes teachers even forgot if I was there or not :/
My imagination is a bit of a mystery to me, when I try to imagine things, I cant. My imagination tends to jump out at me with ideas, so most of my lies came from that. I was a quick on my feet thinker. In some ways, the fact I can lie sometimes so quickly and effortlessly makes me proud, and makes me feel good. I dont know why. But after a while when they all mount up it does wear on me and I cant do it. So I stopped and found telling the truth much easier and much more relaxing.

I dont know if im a good liar or not, tbh I dont really care about that. All I know if what people tell me, that because when I talk sometimes I can be expressionless it can be difficult to tell if what im saying is true or not.

I think lying is an important cognitive ability to have, and theres nothing wrong with using that ability sometimes aslong as it doesnt hurt anyone. But compulsive lying, hurts everyone in the long run. Yourself it hurts the most though.

I think, in my opinion for some autistic people who do learn the ability to lie, can fascinate us to the point where we become obsessive with it. And I think thats where the compulsion lies.

I wish you luck with beating your lying habit!

I have never in my life lied compulsively, but I have lied calculatingly. I have gotten better about stopping it though, and I truly believe I'm happier because of it.

These posts changed me for the better: