Are you lonely?

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I'm pretty lonely but also pretty miserable. Other Aspies on here say they aren't lonely. Its a pretty normal thing for me. I don't have any friends though.

Are you lonely?

Over the last few years I have been feeling bouts of loneliness. Enough to make me depressed when I thought about it. There were times I would see couples out in public and it would hit me that I was jealous that I couldn't have that kind of relationship with someone. However the grass always seems greener, because I'm also a loner and know I need to be a loner most of the time. It really feels like two extremes that fight each other inside me: they can't ever make peace, nor can either of them win. I don't think there is such a thing as part-time friends or lovers. It wouldn't be fair to them and would cause me to much worry. It's really, really problematic for me. It's probably the biggest challenge I will ever face.

I NEVER feel lonely. I'm happiest in my room, by myself.

Sometimes. It would be nice to have a friend to talk to sometimes. But like JeepGuy said, you can't really have part time friends; it's an all or nothing thing for most people, which is fair. It's sort of a paradox between wanting friends, but also not wanting to feel too constricted by friends.

I fear developing this attitude. Living quietly all alone.

I didn't develop it. I've been like this my whole life. Doesn't mean I don't have friends. I do. I just would rather spend time with them online or on the phone than in person.

For a brief period, I never felt lonely, and actually craved solitude. Now, I feel incredibly lonely.

Yes. The older I get the lonelier I feel. Esp missing a life partner. I can't even enjoy my special interest for this longing that interrupts now! I get sick of seeing couples on tv even. I was recently dumped by the woman (NT) I thought I would marry, before her I never longed or wanted like this. I was happy in my little bubble so to speak. Only missed sex (I have a very high sexdrive). Now I miss the whole range of intimacy, even tenderness (looking in her eyes - me! I've never ever wanted to do that before) and being close (I have sensory issues and have never been able to sleep peacefully beside anyone before for one). It's driving me crazy because I don't recognise this longing and these emotional needs and I don't feel like myself, I feel all torn up and lost and I have so many issues with my AS that I believe I will be alone until I die and frankly that breaks me every day just thinking about it. I'm severly depressed atm, and I don't know what to do about it either.

Nope, very very rarely.. even during times when I spend MOST of my time by myself. I'll go months without seeing any friends at times, but I don't tend to feel lonely.. rather, I've enjoyed my solitude. I've spent time reading, learning, working on projects etc and also plenty of time out hiking in the woods/mountains, cycling, swimming, running, doing yoga - whatever - and thoroughly enjoy just being alone with my thoughts & the natural environment all around me. Then there'll be times in my life where I've seen a few different friends every day, and I don't mind that, but sometimes it gets to be a bit much and I slow down.. then stop seeing people for a while. Although, I've only typically chosen to duck out from life and keep to myself during the times my headspace was far from positive and I didn't want to subject my friends to my mindset. Otherwise it's been changes in jobs/transportation that have dictated my schedule or ability to meet up with friends, but even during those times when I don't see people I very very rarely feel lonely, if ever anymore. I do often miss some people and would rather be around them more often, but I don't feel lonely - there's a difference. I especially haven't felt lonely for quite some time now since I've learned to truly enjoy my solitude while out connecting with nature, getting some exercise, meditating etc as then there's such extreme value in being alone that you appreciate the solitude vs. miss the social interactions.

I don't have any friends IRL, but I don't often feel lonely.
I have my cockatiel who is an acceptable companion for someone like me. He sleeps when I sleep, eats when I eat, says hello when I walk into the room and likes sitting on my shoulder while I play video games or read or watch movies.

I don't particularly like the noise and unpredictability that I have associated with friendship and socializing. I very much depend on my carefully structured routine to help me cope, and I am comfortable and content with this.

I do have one close friend who I talk to most days on skype. He has actually been unwittingly helpful in regards to my terrible fear of talking on phones. I love talking to him, but mostly I just listen and answer questions. I would love to be able to start and sustain a seamless and natural conversation with someone, which might make me want to go out in the world a bit more, though I'm unsure if that will ever be possible as it's something I've been working on for as long as I can remember. It's never seamless or natural. That sometimes makes me feel lonely and detached from society where people take casual conversation for granted most days.

I'm starting a full time course tomorrow, so my carefully structured routine is pretty much going to hell.

I don't think i have felt loneliness that had made me depressed

I always wonder why I hear about people saying loneliness makes you depressed and that we are naturally social creatures...really?

I always felt that being emotionally reliant on someone is a weakness, that you don't know your self well enough to handle being alone with your thoughts...

A hermit (adjectival form: eremitic or hermitic ) is a person who lives, to some degree, in seclusion from society.

A loner is a person who avoids or does not actively seek human interaction or prefers to be alone.

Hikikomori (ひきこもり or 引き籠もり Hikikomori?, literally "pulling inward, being confined", i.e., "acute social withdrawal") is a Japanese term to refer to the phenomenon of reclusive adolescents or young adults who withdraw from social life, often seeking extreme degrees of isolation and confinement.

A recluse is a person who lives in voluntary seclusion from the public and society.

I may climb perhaps to no great heights, but I will climb alone.
Cyrano de Bergerac

the older i get the more i enjoy my own company above all others.

I think it's impossible to grow without some social interaction. One real deep connection to another human being. I'm not talking about many, or being social all the time (I cannot, will not and do not strive to), but my best insights have always come after processing my interactions with my one true friend or gf. I think that is the real meaning of "being a social creature", not the "having ppl around all the time"-version some NT's interprets as being popular thus accomplished human beings. I also believe many ppl fear being alone with their thoughts, preferring to drown out their "inner voice", and I also call this a weakness - a fear of facing oneself I cannot and will not accept or excuse. I loathe the shallowness that comes by living like that.

However, as I stated in my former post, I have in a very short while learned to appreciate the sharing of my conclusions, thoughts, emotions and doings. The process is interesting and I have learned a lot, and I like to learn. I also enjoy hearing some select few persons views on things, even listening to their life-stories. It feeds my analytical brain.

The depression in my case is the feeling of not having anyone to share my accomplishments, questions and thoughts with anymore. Something I did enjoy. I have been alone most my life, and I enjoy that too. That was enough for me. But now I feel that aloness is lacking a human component and feedback that is needed to make me feel relaxed and sated. This is a new feeling for me. I would be happy to go back to the before-me that had the similar opinions as you. It is awful having my peace of mind in a way "controlled" by another being. This is not a happy state. But it is a new experience, one I label as "grow as human" (my very own label I have had as a working project since a child, my own way of coping with an incomprehensible world and inconsistent ppl), and I am learning what I can from it. I do not enjoy feeling weak either. But I refuse to regret the experiences that led me here. I think I'm very close to understanding truly, with my heart as well, not just my mind - my NT friend and X and siblings, and that will help me help them whenever they need me to listen to their life problems. It does not however, lessen my feeling of loneliness at this point.

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This is exactly what I feel too. Thank you for putting it in words for me as well! I never feel like I can get the balance right, it's a constant pull and push wanting someone near and wanting to be alone not having the energy or will to be attentive and focused on someone else. It is very problematic indeed.

I'm often alone but I've got used to it. Doesn't mean I don't feel lonely, I feel t that a lot