aspiequeerchick wrote:
Hello everybody
I met this person and we are kind of dating and I really really really really like them, and they really like me too, but I am worried about a few things.
1, they asked me a question and I answered honestly without even thinking about it twice and now I am concerned that it may have been one of those questions where you are supposed to lie... to save hurt feelings. How am I supposed to recover from that?
2, I don't understand the dating game AT ALL. I want to respect boundaries while also indicating my interest in them, and it is so confusing to me. I feel like I am trying to read Shakespeare in Mandarin, which I do not know. It is very upsetting. Does anybody have any sort of advice about what to actually do when you have already made the RARE connection with a fellow human in person? I find aspie and autie dating advice for how to meet people, etc. but not how to navigate the stormy waters of relationships, and no matter how hard I think about it, I draw a big blank.
3, the most important part, is that I am high functioning enough that I can pass as just "quirky" at times. I don't want to use autism spectrum disorder as an EXCUSE I just want to be able to explain to them that I am doing my best and what some of my biggest challenges are in terms of social relationships. But I feel awkward (ha ha, when don't we feel awkward ;-P ) because I didn't tell them upon meeting them about my ASD and so now I feel like it is too hard to bring it up, and since they work with kids with ASDs I am worried that they will think I am just making an excuse and not being real.
argh. any help or resources much appreciated.
1) Pretend that the incident didn't happen. If you really think you might have hurt someone's feelings, you could say something like, "Look something's been bothering me. I might have said something hurtful the last time without really thinking. I'm really sorry if I offended you in any way--it really was not my intention." And leave it at that.
2) The way I see it is, if you like someone, you can make yourself available to dates and chatting on the phone. If they are busy, wait and let them call you back, unless it's something that really can't wait. You want to show a nice balance of interest but some measure of self-control, even though it's hard in this exciting phase of getting to know someone you like. It is much easier said than done! But remember, you also have to figure out if you really like this person and if she's worth YOUR time, so take it slow. I know it is very hard because when you are interested in something or someone you want to jump headfirst in! Try to find another simultaneous interest to delve into while keeping her as a secondary interest, if that makes sense. This way you don't obsess as much!
3) Are you dating someone from where you work? I would say it might be a nice idea but usually it's not a very good one! Things could get way too complicated and make your work life more stressful than it need be. Look elsewhere if you can!! !
19 Feb 2013, 10:31 pm
