How crippling are your "avoidant" behaviors?

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Mine are pretty crippling. For example, if it is a group of people, usually there is at least one person in it who makes me extremely nervous.... I can't even be around the group of people because of that one person (By group, I mean any group, whether it is a support group or a business, e.g. restaurant that I've previously enjoyed eating at)...

Really, all it takes is one person, and usually it is because I don't think that person likes me. If this is the case, I can't even be near that person so I have to avoid proximity at all costs. You can imagine how much havoc this has wreaked in my life. Thinking someone does not like me has occurred with enough frequency as to make sustaining regular contact with anyone impossible. Unfortunately, this has caused erratic behavior towards others in the vicinity of the person(s) I was trying to avoid.

Do you avoid people who make you uncomfortable? How much has "avoidance" impacted your life?

1. In the past I've gotten dragged out to night clubs by my co-workers. I usually lasted around 5 to 10 minutes before I disappeared. I'd slip out the back or exit as a crowd was coming in, etc.
2. I've belonged to an Asperger's meetup group here in town for almost a year and I have yet to go to one meeting.
3. There are guys I see on dating sites I'd like to contact, but who am I kidding? They ignore me like last week's pot roast.
4. I'm still utterly surprised that people communicate with me here on WP. I'm really nobody and if they met me in person I'd be ignored.
5. I'm a songwriter. One of my favourite songs I've written is called "Forgot About Me." That pretty much sums it up.
6. I really haven't talked to anyone in about a year since I was laid off. I'm practically a hermit.
7. The good thing about this? I get to dress like a bum all day and not groom myself without anyone lecturing me about it.

I can absolutely relate to the OP. I do that and it's been affecting my life very badly. I can even say it's kind of ruining my life. One person can make me very nervous and I act very nervously around that person. I become shaky around him/her and must be looking very odd because of that. So I feel it's better just to avoid that situation (= that persopn). It interferes with me every day at work. If I need to do something in a certain room and if that person is there, I often hesitate and wait for a while till he/she is gone, which slows down my work.

I also avoid things that could possibly have a negative outcome. Even if the possibility is slight, I still avoid them. For example, I was thinking about buying a small property, but for years I avoided it because I thought I might find out that I could not afford it and I was scared of that possibility. As it turned out, I could afford it quite comfortably, but during the time I waited, the property price went up and I missed good opportunities.

The reason my social anxiety isn't apparent and untreated is because I just avoid situations entirely. It really started when I was a teenager. I'd avoid meeting friends, because certain members of the group made me feel uncomfortable. When I was at uni and I was choosing my subjects for the 3rd year, I decided not to do botany (even though that's what I really wanted to do and was good at), because it was going to involve a 2 week field trip to Tenerife, which I was really worried about. I was worried about my social skills, people thinking I was odd and perhaps picking on me or ignoring me, not having my family for support... So, instead, I did microbiology, which didn't involve a field trip in the 3rd year, but a weekend field trip to a Scottish island, in the 4th year. But, my social anxiety, during the summer preceeding the 4th year, about everything I was going to have to do in my final year (including that short field trip), was so bad that I never went back at all.

I avoid my own brother, which is very difficult because I live under the same roof as him. If I could afford to move out, I may, but I wouldn't mind living here otherwise, why should I get out just because my brother has to behave like a jerk?

I attempt to avoid doing things I have planned and actually want to do because my anxiety kicks up. It usually starts immediately after I agree to do something. I will immediately start thinking of reasons why I can't do something or go somewhere. Sometimes I just do it -- and most often than not it ends up awkward -- sometimes, after much work, I get myself out of it.

I have also been known to avoid people if I can. When I'm out I almost always keep my head down in case I see someone I know... that way I can be like, "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't see you" when asked about it later.

I guess I never really thought about this kind of behavior being odd until recently...

Avoidance is a large part of how I exist. I do the same things, avoiding certain people and places, and have been as long as I can remember. It has had negative impact on my life - very much so. I turn down invitations, fail to show up for meetings, avoid situations that might involve speaking much, and most of the time have the telephones turned to silent ringer. This was such a relief after years of being badly startled by the ring, and shaking and sweating when conversing with people I didn't want to listen to anyway.
I didn't even go to my own show opening. It did better without me there.
The only people I am able to allow to interact with me much in real life are my offspring. Figure it's always just a matter of time before I evaporate from any communication or relationship.

I have a bad case of this. Recently, I had to move back home due to finances and I avoid my father often. I've gone an entire day without eating just because I didn't want to run into him. I know this is awful and I brought it up during therapy. I don't want this to affect my life anymore. I'm usually brave and confident, but sometimes I just can't face the person/situation.

A family member is visiting a next door neighbor, and I'm fervently hoping he doesn't realize I'm home. I do not want to be social right now, and he just looooves to drop in unannounced.

I go out the house on a needs must basis which works out at about twice a week at most

The more I go out the house the more stressed out and unhappier I'll feel so in my opinion it's obvious to avoid going out
unless I need to

I try and make sure to go to a group type event eg a mental health support group once a month, to make sure I don't completely lose touch with socialising with people in the outside world

I live with a friend and this gives me most of the social input I need and the rest I get online plus the group stuff once a month outside

I had a job previously but was dismissed for having Aspergers so no one can blame me for not bothering with work again as far as I'm concerned

I'm able to deal with any problems that come up that might need me to go out of the house or over the phone so I think this is
an ok way of living my life

It mitigates for the distinct lack of rewarding interaction I get from the average person outside the house, hence I am protecting my mental health as far as I'm concerned

Mine are pretty bad.

1. A large part of why I did so badly at university last year was because I avoided many of my teachers if I thought they were even mildly annoyed with me. For example, if I missed an assignment then I just wouldn't show up to class. Or if I said something stupid during class, I would be afraid to answer questions or look them in the eyes for a few days. If I saw them walking around campus or in the city somewhere, I would have a panic attack and do everything I could to duck and avoid them. By far the worst thing would be if I ran into them in an elevator -- God, I hated that! Thankfully that only happened once.

2. If a store clerk, shopkeeper, or similar became too familiar with me or my buying habits, then I would try to avoid that store. I can't explain why, but it just makes me extremely uncomfortable to walk into a store and have the staff say something like, "Ah, it's our favorite customer again! What will it be today? Did you enjoy that last thing you bought? Will you have the usual?" Apparently most people like that, but I strongly prefer to remain anonymous while shopping.

If it's a chain store or franchise, then I will find another one to go to -- even if it's on the other side of town or in a neighboring town. If there is only one store like it and I really need to go there, then I try to memorize the employees' schedules/shifts and coordinate my visits in such a way that the fewest variety of people see me as infrequently as possible.

3. I couldn't leave my dorm room if there were people loitering in the corridor who knew me or could recognize me, especially if they were the talkative, extroverted type.

4. Even in my parent's home, I feel highly anxious about going down to the kitchen or something if it means that I'll have to pass by my dad or stepmom. They have this way of saying my name that just makes my heart jump up my throat, even if what they say is completely innocuous.

5. I can't join hobby clubs or engage with a group of people because I always feel inadequate, as if they're judging or looking down on me. Even if I don't feel like they actively dislike me, it still feels bad to think that I am not worth their time at all.



Er, actually now that I've typed this all out I think I may have made it sound worse than it is. As Mummy_of_Peanut said, most of the time I don't feel that anxious because of how much of a hermit I am. I guess that's why it's called "avoidant" behavior.

scarp's descriptions above are true of me, too, particularly points 1, 2 and 5.

I do actually sometimes see the store from a distance to see if a certain staff member is there. If not, then I'll go in.

There was a cafe that I used to go to very often where they made really good iced latte. Initially the staff there were nice once they started to remember me, but then after a while they seemed to find me odd and it became unbearable for me. So, I stopped going there. Even now I don't like even walking in front of it.

There is this ice cream place where they have very nice strawberry ice cream served by a very friendly cute guy. Now he recognizes me and my favorite flavor. Although it's so nice to be recognized by someone like him, I'm also terrified somehow by the possibility that he might eventually find me odd. He might already have.

I just wish I could be comfortable in all the familiar shops and stores.

With hobby clubs etc, the hobby matter becomes irrelevant when the social side becomes too uncomfortable.

I think being regarded to be odd eventually seems to be the factor that makes me uncomfortable and avoidant. As I become familiar with someone, he/she will become aware of my oddity - the fact that I'm not what they expected me to be - a normal person. You can't be anonymous and known at the same time. That's the problem.

Between real life and my imagination, everyone in the world either hates me, wants to use me, or is out to get me, or all three.

Heh, I thought I was the only one who avoids extroverted energizer bunnies who always ask me why am I so quiet and that I look stoned. Yes, I usually don't even go out when such a person is going. But my friends sometimes don't tell me they're bringing one so I spend my evening being pissed at them. Generally, if I feel uncomfortable around someone, I will avoid the hell out of him/her.