Telling OKC dates about ASD PRIOR to meeting

Post Reply New Topic

I just did this to one, as an experiment. Not sure how it will turn out. But we spoke on the phone twice, for a decent period of time. I'm sure I'm going to get jumped on on this board by some self-described "experts" in online dating, who are probably virgins, but what if my intention is to a priori screen out prejudice? Is this always a bad thing to do? Or maybe I'm just increasingly lacking in self-control. This has become evident in other areas of life, too.

ASD is my current obsession, so I figure it's going to come up sooner or later anyway. I'm following the pattern of two girls I've talked to on OKC who disclose bipolar upfront.

Dating suicide? Maybe. We'll see. I'm too obsessed with ASD at the moment, having gotten a diagnosis recently, so the alternative is to just not date unless it becomes not an obsession (seeing that I currently have no self-control) -- assuming that happens at some point in the future.

I'm pretty ambivalent about dating at the moment, for a variety of reasons. It switches back and forth between "yes, definitely!" and "no, not really"

bad idea

Being upfront with things saves you alot of bad dates - on the other hand it can make you feel unloved and lonely.

I have always upfront with my Aspergers. The recent BS in the media by cereal-box-licenced psychiatrists over where i live really have not helped, but i think it is better to find someone who can accept you for who you are, rather than to hope for the best and think that "you will grow on her" and she will learn to accept you regardless.

I have actually seen people starting to shake in fear when i mention Aspergers, as if i were some serial killer or something. But those people are idiots and that is their problem, they read the tabloids as if they were science books and believe everything that is written in that toilet paper by the academic rejects that write the articles there.

Might as well cut's out some of the BS in the dating process I would imagine. I was thinking of just adding that and the co-morbids to my profile....like just straight up mention I have AS, Depression, Anxiety and PTSD on my profile then if someone has a problem with that they probably wont even talk to me. Cuts out the issue of having to worry about that later down the road.

Right now it's much more vauge than that.

Try to avoid telling people because some people have labels in which they stereotype certain people instead of judging them as individuals. Let them get to know you as an individual person before telling them, that way they can make a rationally correct judgement instead of one based from the media.

Be pragmatic, guys.

It all depends on how much you can afford to filter out.

Are you getting an endless supply of dates? If yes then you can mention AS to filter people.

But if you are the type of guy who gets a date once in a blue moon, then please...don't be stupid.

someone on okcupid told me he had ASD before we met. It was awkward because I didn't really know how to respond. I was like 'oh cool' I just watched a documentary about a woman with that over the weekend (Temple Grandin) but then I could tell he was embarrassed that I thought he was like that and made pains to point out that 'he wasn't like that' but more like 'Clay Marzo' whom he obviously thought was a cool ASD person to mirror himself again .

I'm not sure I have an opinion as to whether you should announce your ASD to potential dates. I guess the pro is that you don't feel like you're hiding anything. Also if an appropriate time comes to raise it in the conversation it might be a valid time to introduce the topic.

On the other hand...:
IMO it's a weird thing to bring up to someone you just met, and same goes for the bipolar girls - I mean what exactly are you expecting to happen after you've told them?
(and the most concerning to me)
Wouldn't you be more worried if/when you actually met that they'd been scrutinizing your behaviour extra hard looking for signs or symptoms? I know I would. I'd rather just meet someone on an even slate (after all it's unlikely you know any of their secrets) ...if I felt the need after meeting, like if there was a spark there, or I wanted to explain some behaviour or whatever, I might bring it up then, but seriously why open yourself up to potential humiliation/rejection over AS when it may not be leading to anything anyway. At least if you don't hit it off and it fizzles out naturally, you'll never know if it's because you have ASD or not....no point getting depressed over something you can't change.




NB: I can relate to your obsession though, many years ago when I first sought 'pyschiatric counsel' (lol) I was told I had depression. And honestly, (as I hadn't really considered my symptoms or even known that much about depression) I was so happy to finally have an ''answer'' for all my problems, I told all my friends because I felt it necessary to explain a lot of my behaviours. I regret it now though, I really feel like I exposed myself too much to them and when for example I am having a bad day and they ask me, I get all paranoid about them thinking about me being ''always depressed' and ''mental'' or whatever. Just me though. You might not feel like that.