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Social Initiation and high friend turn over

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ROSSVG
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08 Mar 2013, 5:47 pm

Maybe this is just me. I can meet people and talk to them, maybe enter into situations that one may even pretend is friendship. However I can not help but notice that I have to be the one to initate social situation. No body ever invites me places unless there is some form of agenda on their part.

Also my so-called "Friendships" seem to have a shelf life. A year to eighteen months at best.

What I think I am trying to say is, i'm lonesome



TinyDancer
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08 Mar 2013, 7:24 pm

I understand.

Also I find that sometimes I reach out more and then people start reaching out to me a little more, but if I don't want to do something they suggest it's like they think I never want to do anything ever so its a big loss. so its hard to gain ground but super easy to lose it.



JonAZ
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08 Mar 2013, 11:45 pm

Visit my website and I will give you a cup of coffee. I am not joking. You are valuable. I can an also include you in my prayers.

I do not care if you do drugs, spent time in jail, or made a few mistakes. I have no hidden political or religious agendas. I will not try to change you or convert you to my beliefs.


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My website about autism, perception, and the mind:

www.manyperceptions.org

My son has autism.


Meridian191
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19 Mar 2013, 3:17 am

This happens to me as well, I coined it 'acquaintance fade'. It happened to me a lot in high school when I would sit next to someone in class for a while and become an acquantance of theirs. After that class was over, my 'excuse' to interact with that person would be removed and I would become scared to interact with them outside of class. On its face, this seems quite immature and illogical, but that's the way I felt -- I couldn't tell whether someone genuinely liked me or had simply been putting up with me while I was sitting next to them. What I eventually discovered is that NTs have very good social memories, and they will be perfectly happy to interact with you even if you met years ago -- that is, if they liked you. Ironically, in my time at high school I had spoken to everyone in the grade at least once, with the exception of a handful who I knew didn't like me much.



Geekonychus
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19 Mar 2013, 11:21 am

Meridian191 wrote:
What I eventually discovered is that NTs have very good social memories, and they will be perfectly happy to interact with you even if you met years ago -- that is, if they liked you.

8O
Never even thought of that.......I think you're right.



MjrMajorMajor
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19 Mar 2013, 11:49 am

Meridian191 wrote:
This happens to me as well, I coined it 'acquaintance fade'. It happened to me a lot in high school when I would sit next to someone in class for a while and become an acquantance of theirs. After that class was over, my 'excuse' to interact with that person would be removed and I would become scared to interact with them outside of class. On its face, this seems quite immature and illogical, but that's the way I felt -- I couldn't tell whether someone genuinely liked me or had simply been putting up with me while I was sitting next to them. .


I still struggle with this in adult relationships, because I just have no way to gauge these things. Sometimes misreading a situation can result in hurt feelings if the reality is more negative, but sometimes someone will really go to bat for me seemingly out of the blue which amazes me a little. My default is bracing for the negative just to be emotionally on guard.



Meridian191
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20 Mar 2013, 10:55 pm

MjrMajorMajor wrote:
Meridian191 wrote:
This happens to me as well, I coined it 'acquaintance fade'. It happened to me a lot in high school when I would sit next to someone in class for a while and become an acquantance of theirs. After that class was over, my 'excuse' to interact with that person would be removed and I would become scared to interact with them outside of class. On its face, this seems quite immature and illogical, but that's the way I felt -- I couldn't tell whether someone genuinely liked me or had simply been putting up with me while I was sitting next to them. .


I still struggle with this in adult relationships, because I just have no way to gauge these things. Sometimes misreading a situation can result in hurt feelings if the reality is more negative, but sometimes someone will really go to bat for me seemingly out of the blue which amazes me a little. My default is bracing for the negative just to be emotionally on guard.



I agree, there is almost no way to gauge it. The best thing I can come up with is whether they smile at you in a polite way, or in a genuine way. That in itself is very difficult to determine, but if you look at the eyes you can sort of tell. Ah, the intricacies of non-verbal communication. What a pain in the rear end.