People think I am stupid; they haven't seen what I can do.

Post Reply New Topic

I think I come across as stupid in many situations, especially in verbal conversations. My peers, and even people with less experience than me, talk down to me.

They apparently feel the need to dumb things down; so they explain (not very well, I might add) topics about which I know more than they do. Sometimes, I am confused at first by what they are saying because they don't preface their first sentences properly, so I don't immediately realize they are talking about a familiar topic.

I have to take the time to arrange their words in my head and understand what they are saying.

By the time I realize the topic of discussion, they have already begun to assume I don't know anything about it; and then they talk more slowly and start generalizing terms. They begin explaining what things are or what they do before telling me what the issue is.

For example, someone might be having trouble getting a computer to obtain an IP address from a DHCP server. He'll feel the need to explain to me that a computer gets a "network address" dynamically from a "network address server" before telling me that the computer can't get one. The thing is though, he knows he's talking about DHCP server, but he calls it a network address server to dumb it down for me. The funny part is that he doesn't even know any of the actual details about how DHCP works; he just knows that it's DHCP and it assigns addresses, but he thinks I am too stupid to understand that much.

I actually know what the abbreviations of all these protocols in the TCP/IP suite, as well as which TCP or UDP ports they use by default. Several (or as is apparent to me, most) people in IT fail to learn these "essential" tidbits of knowledge. I was told they were essential by an information security teacher, so I memorized them.

Anyway, I always try to follow up these unnecessary explanations by saying something like, "You mean DHCP, or Dynamic Host Configuration Protocol, which dynamically assigns IP, or Internet Protocol, addresses by means of UDP ports 67 and 68? No, I'm not familiar with the process; please explain more;" but what comes out in these situations sounds more like, "You mean an IP address, right?"

I wish I could say what I am thinking, but it never, ever, ever comes out; sometimes I even offend people by saying the opposite of what I mean.

If I could communicate solely via email, then they would realize I am much smarter than they were initially willing to admit; but instead, I am forced to go to these impromptu meetings and fumble through sentences like a 5th grader nervously reading aloud from a textbook.

I am sure that if I was allowed to come to work and do whatever I want, which I can assure would be productive, I would be the most well-respected person here. Instead, because I have so many problems communicating verbally, I come across as just a stupid kid...fresh out of school and thinks he knows everything, but really knows nothing.

Hi Dani
I can totally relate. I communicate very poory verbally. And even if its 'handwritten' I come across as looking not that bright either because my spelling is not very good (I think I"m dyslexic actually) and my handwriting is atrocious.

IT's really terrible trying to make your way in the work place that rely's heavily on verbally communicating. It is certainly stunting my career. I also can't process information quickly, so it's more than just verbally, I need to be able to read what someone is saying so that I can fully take in the meaning of their statement, verbally for some reason I just can't process the information well. I have been to a neuropsychologist about this even but they claim my problem is anxiety (I don't actually believe it, I have been dx with anxiety for a long time, and I can recognise when I'm anxious. I believe it plays a part but I think there is something else going on as well).

Anyway at my workplace luckily I am in a team now that is quite flexible to working styles. SO now I can just say that I have a preference to receive things in writing, so that I can formulate a proper response, rather than via talking such as sitting down and having a meeting about something. Unfortunately I still come across a lot of people feel like 'talking on the phone/in a meeting' is the most efficient way to communicate, so I'm just trying to learn how to overcome this problem (haven't figured it out yet but if I do I'll let you know!).

Basically the reason I was able to say to people that I have a preference for receiving things in writing is because my area had the whole branch take a professional personality assessment thing, and my results were right there in writing..and luckily most of the people in my team were the same (Prefers email, would rather read things than talk and lots of other psychology speak). Perhaps you could try and broach the topic of your working style with your team/boss. Idk how receptive they would be to adjusting their working habits (my old boss was awful used to constantly beckon me to his desk and bark orders at me not even giving me a chance to write them down, which resulted in me invaribly having to go back and ask for them to repeated one or more times) but hopefully they might take it into consideration and at least adjust their working style a little bit to accommodate your needs.

Good luck!