I'm so Sick and Tired of the Confined Views of Society Today

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What is up with...the short sighted and confined minds of people today? I mean, it's already bad enough that people CLEARLY have shown unacceptance towards gays, bisexuals and anybody with the word 'tran' in their label but it's even MORE irritating when people automatically assume who you are just by the way you act or dress! I'm...a transgender FTM however have been limited on how I express that I am transgender. And there is only two ways that I can: the way I dress...and the way I act. I dress like a guy and I act like one-comfortably of course- and when people look at me, they automatically assume and beleive that I'm lesbian. People, I'm not lesbian! And it's not just the 'assuming' that irritates me but it's also that no matter how much I say that I'm not gay, THEY still think that I'm gay. They don't beleive me for whatever reason, they think they know me better then me! It's like whatever they see, is the way it goes. And it just makes me want to tear my hair out.

I remember before I found out that I am transgender that I liked-and still like- to wear swimming trunks or basketball shorts when swimming. ONLY trunks or shorts. I absolutely HATE female swim suits, even when the two peice has a shorts bottom. I find it still too short! Anyway, I was invited to go on a trip with my best friend to a public swimming pool over the phone but, her mother asked that I not wear swimming trunks but a girls swim suit. Did I have a problem? H yeah I friggin' had a problem! So, going back and forth over the phone, arguing over the phone while my friend told my messages to her mother about this. I had asked why I couldn't wear my shorts and the reply was....because her mother would be too embarressed to be in a public swimming place with a girl wearing boys' swimming wear. I was so ticked off. We ended up staying 30 wasted minutes over the phone of them trying to convence me to wear a damn bathing suit for me to wear so I didn't embaress tha princess motha! She even offered me to buy me one on the way there! She kept saying "it doesn't have to be frilly and pink, we can get you a blue one!" You think the COLOR of the swim suit mattered?! The effing color can't do nothing to make me comfortable in a tight a** girl swimming suit! So, at my boiling point, I just flat out said forget it, I'm not going if I can't be accepted. It was a dissappointment to my friend but to be honest, I was more angry at the fact that me wearing something not girly was just such an eye-sore. To this day I'm not allowed to swim anywhere with them. Because of that. And, you no what? I ain't even sorry. Screw it.

You know, people say that someone with Asperger's have difficulty with difference...with new changes or having a tightly knit kind of mind when it comes to people, but when I look at "normal" people they have the most minimized brains I have ever seen that it just blows Asperger's trait to have a short selective mind of society COMPLETELY out of the water. It's insane...and, I would love to type up more but I have someone hounding over my shoulder to get off of this computer. So, goodbye and sorry for the rant! Mmm, not really...

Many people are probably not even aware of their narrow-mindedness/narrow-sightedness.

Your examples make me wonder why their thinking is so restricted/limited to some strange false ideas that ignorant people seem to have developed. I think people are quite hypocritical in that they seem to support equality, liberalism, diversity etc, yet in their actions they show they are against such ideas.

Long time ago I made a mistake of telling someone I was gay. Since then he falsely stereotypes me. For example, my handwriting is small and neat for practical reasons - it's easy to read and leaves more space if something needs to be added. But he thinks I'm trying to be "cute" by my small neat handwriting. He associates "being gay" with "wanting to be cute" for some reason. He calls others narrow-minded/narrow-sighted, but for me he's not that different. He even calls himself "healthy heterosexual" as if being homosexual is not healthy.

I have one question--and it's not meant facetiously.

Why do you care?

You know who you are, and you know how you want to present yourself to the world. And if there are people there who don't like you or how you present yourself, then why are they still in your life?

My sister thinks the same way. Last year she asked me a strange question...well, at least how she worded it puzzled me. She asked me if I would want any gay friends. I was confused for a moment. 'Since when were friends made by just sexuality?' I had thought, but, she had meant if I would accept anyone as a friend despite them being gay. I answered that I didn't care and why she asked. She then began to tell me that there's a guy at her school that she thinks would get along with me and "is gay". Now, knowing my sister, a queen of stereotypes, I had to ask why she thought this guy was gay. She replied with, "Because he acts feminine and hates to be dirty, like, if any of his things get dirty he'll take the time to brush any sand or dust off of them. And he has a higher voice." I had to pause at that. And think, okay she's telling me he acts feminine, he's clean and talks with a feminized voice but....that's doesn't mean he's gay. So then I asked, "Okay but has he ever openly said he's gay? Meaning he likes other guys." "No." *facepalm*
It's like she doesn't even know the definition...
People. Keep. Assuming.

The reason why this in particular bothers me and why they are still in my life is because of my best friend. My friend isn't the one giving me hell over it. It's her mother. And, I don't want to cut my friend of five years off because of the judgement of her mom. However it is frustrating for her because of not being able to have a good time simply swimming with me in a public pool and has asked me way couldn't I just wear a girls swimsuit for the sake of 'having fun'. Like I said, I didn't know I was transgender at the time and didn't know how to tell her that wearing a bathing suit was just NOT and option, that it would be too uncomfortable for me to relax and have fun. My mind would be too focused on how horrible and off I'd feel and that she would really be the only one having fun. This worries me, because recently we lost connection with eachother for months and it was during those months of separation that I had found that I'm transgender. Finally we've regained contact less then a week ago and I am very hesitant to come out to her because of...well, take a guess, her mom. Especially since I found out why me and her had lost contact for months. Her mother had taken away my friends access to her Iphone, to the computer and to the house phone along with other accesses for months because she found out my friend was, or is dating a boy of another race! We hadn't spoken for MONTHS, I was beginning to think my friend just got caught in her own social life making new friends at her school that she forgot me or was moving on from me. It wouldn't be a surprise, me having AS and not being as active a friend as most it wouldn't surprise me if she moved on to more sociable groups. I've had this happen before, why not again? Anyway, no, she just had been grounded severely by a very racist mom. Me seeing what her mom would do if her daughter simply went out with a guy of another race, I can just SEE what she'll do when she finds out her daughter is friends with a girl who, not only dresses like a boy but feels like one too. No doubt she would burn all bridges between me and my best friend and we'd probably lose contact for much more then MONTHS. And the worst part is, my friend will be the one suffering more than me.... she would be punished for being my friend. THAT'S what bothers me.

I just hate keeping a secret like this from my best friend because, well, she's just that, my best friend! We have established trust in to tell each other everything and anything so not knowing how to tell her about this tears at me. But, I feel, since we haven't seen or heard from each other in a long time, maybe telling her this may be too much for her to handle at one time. I already know it's been really crappy for her, dealing with the pressure of ninth grade and the rough and fast life of home. I just don't want to overwhelm her.
She invited me to spend a week with her on a trip to the beach, maybe there'll be a moment, when the waves and peaceful scenery might ease tension is when I can tell her. Because she WILL ask what has been happening during the time of our separation. I just need to find the right time...