Hiding

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My wife invited her friend around for a coffee this morning, which is rare. I didn't like this so I hid upstairs till she went. There's nothing wrong with her but I get very agitated if unusual people are near me and even more so if they start patronizing me. Our dining room doubles as my office with pictures of composers, thousands of pieces of sheet music and science stuff. So I feel as if they are encroaching on my mind. I do hide a lot though, always have done. Most people make me anxious and I worry about losing my temper. Therefore people think I am rude so I tend to avoid them, but it is a lousy coping mechanism and makes me appear childlike but I can't help it, I've always done it. Embarrassment is another thing I get around unusual people.

Does anyone else have this trouble?

Yes.

If my family is entertaining friends, especially ones I know very little of, I will hide upstairs.

One of those friends has a son who referred to me as "the man who lives upstairs".

Even family gatherings that involve the more distant members can be a problem for me.

I do as much as I can get away with. My husband knows to gravitate his weekend get togethers downstairs or outside, and he's good natured if I complain. He just likes getting out on his own with the guys, so it works out. I'll make a brief appearance to say hello, and away I go...

I can take it for a while but eventually I have to go. I had to visit some in-laws out of state and they had a get-together with a bunch of strangers from their town and I didn't really feel like drinking a lot (which is unusual for me at social events). After 2 or 3 hours, I thought they'd all go home, but they lingered and lingered. I'd had enough togetherness for that day so I went back to the guest bedroom and read for a an hour. When I came back they were still there 8O and everybody was wondering why I'd run off so rudely.

I can relate. When a gas man or some other stranger comes to my house, I hate being seen by him because I feel ashamed of who I am, and knowing I've got to put on a front in my own house really frustrates me. I never realised how weird I acted in my own home until the window-cleaner came to clean our windows. Nearly everything I did my mum was like, ''ssshhh, be quiet, he'll hear you yelling loud and think we're mad!'' or, ''oh why did you just do that? He might have saw you through the window!'' But my mum seems to be a person who fears ridicule I think, so I've really got to be on my best behaviour when we're around strangers. Luckily I can do this automatically when I'm out or my mum's got friends round or whatever, but I think I get agitated when there's a total stranger on my property.

Yes.

It's embarrassing to recognize myself in this description. I cant justify it with the "in my office/in my mind" thing, though. I just have the overwhelming sense that this human contact is something I cannot deal with right now.

Even moderate preparation makes a big difference. If my wife says someone is coming and I have some time to get ready (not sure exactly what this means, some kind of inner preparation, putting on the game face/appropriate persona or something)--then I can deal with it. But a totally unexpected visitor makes me feel a strong urge to evade.

This may vary from day-to-day, depending on my overall emotional state/stress level.

Yes I do too, but I'm beginning to wonder if it related to introversion and/or anxiety.

When people are in my home it is like they are inside of me. I am agitated, super alert to their every move. If they stay overnight I can not sleep. And if I hide in the other room (which I do very often) I still cannot block out that they are there.

My home is my haven. It is how I survive- where I can control things and the only place I can recharge. This is completely ruined when someone visits. It feels like a cruel thing to take away from me.

Exactly. My home is the only place I feel safe and least anxious. Sometimes when my son has his friend round his dad usually picks him up. He always comes in all happy and barges into the dining room (where I have my PC) and starts, loudly, telling us all what they are up to later or next week/year. Then he has to make an insincere over the top fuss of our cat. In short, if he has turned up when I wasn't expecting him I feel utterly trapped and really awkward in my own house. He doesn't talk to me apart from 'Alright' and seems to get on well with my wife. She knows that he annoys me. Trouble is one day I will lose my temper and start shouting and make a fool of myself. Forcing myself into social situations I don't want just because you are supposed to is like trying to give a cat a bath. I have little social skills, now, then and forever. It won't change, I've tried and it won't.

Yes, this was a common problem for me when I was living with my older brother and sister in a rented house many years ago. The trickiest part of it was usually misinterpretation by the houseguests about my theoretical motivation for retreating to the basement after performing due polite diligence in saying hello to them and staying in the room for a few minutes when they arrived. Sometimes my theoretical motivation, as presumed by houseguest, was shyness. In assuming the reason for my absence was shyness, they sought me out and proceeded attempts at coaxing me back upstairs. I guess as if I were hesitant to socialize with them for fear that I would not be acceptable company? Or something along those lines?

When, of course, the actual reason I had retreated downstairs was because I don't like socializing and I had had enough of it already.

Bah! Anyway, it hasn't been a problem the last ten years. I live alone. I took out extra student loans when I was in university so that I would not have to live with a roommate. I don't invite people over. If invited to meet with family member visiting the city or something I prefer the location to be somewhere away from my apartment. It really bothers me when people, even immediate family, are in my living space for any period of time.

I do this all the time, I even did it at my mom's wedding reception that she held in our house last year. I don't know why she thought cramming 60+ people in a house was a good idea. I stuck around for the cake then bolted for the rest of the evening. I'll hide at other peoples' houses too. My mom and I went to a party at my mom's best friend's house, and I hung out outside on the front lawn reading until it got too dark, then my mom's friend, who is pretty much like my surrogate grandma, let me use her room. I've hidden on the stairs at other peoples' holiday parties as well to the point where, instead of getting mad at me for hiding, my parents actually praise me for coming out and being social on the occasions where I feel like it. I really hate big gatherings of people, especially in small spaces like houses.

It's okay sometimes i hide too.

Oh yes! Sometimes I have even hidden from my husband's family if they turn up at my house and I am not expecting them.

He cannot grasp how I cannot deal with that - I like them, but if I'm not expecting them then sometimes it's just too much too handle

Makes a lot more sense since my diagnosis!

Yes, when I still lived with my parents, and later housemates, I would always respond this way. I don't think I ever made the connection as to why before now though. While having people around always makes me uncomfortable, it is overwhelming when I didn't expect them to be there; like things aren't how I expect them to be and that is too much and so I would run off and hide. Another example, I love to go for walks alone out in the forest and whenever I see/hear somebody else out there I panic, and run away and hide. I will hide and watch until they have passed and then continue on my walk. I always wonder whether they saw me and if so how foolish they would think me.