I think the question you need to ask first is not "what do I say" but "what do I hope to achieve in talking to this person?"
My point is that if you find yourself not knowing what to say to a person, it seems to me you have no business talking to that person. But you still want to talk to her. That makes me think your interest is not in discussing any particular topic. Instead it seems like your interest is in interacting with her in the hopes of developing some kind of friendship. That's all very well and good, but if you are to form some kind of useful relationship with her, it must be based on mutual interests. What you choose to talk about with a stranger must usually be based on some kind of shared experience.
To know what to say to a person (of the same or opposite sex) you need to know why you are approaching that person. Sometimes the circumstances are clear. For example, let's say her shirt is on fire. You might approach her and ask if she would like you to fetch a fire extinguisher. Other times there is no clear and pressing reason to speak to her, but social convention allows for strangers to interact to a limited extent. Here, you might pass the table where she is sitting and smile and say hello as you pass. More interaction without a welcoming response from her is not appropriate.
That's the social game that NTs seem to naturally understand and Aspies struggle with on a continual basis. After many years I learned to not overstep these social boundaries. My habit is to err on the side of less interaction rather than more. The result is I don't irritate or creep out people as much as I used to. The down side is that I have less opportunities for interaction. But at least the interactions that I do have with people do not involve a restraining order.
So what do you say to an attractive stranger? What you say is based entirely on the circumstances of the moment. And there has to be a reasonable reason why it would make sense for you to interact with that stranger.
Here is an exchange that I witnessed on a hiking trail that is a good example of doing it wrong. I watched this play out many years ago, but I remember it strongly because I could have just have easily been the guy in this anecdote. A young woman was jogging while listening to a radio with a set of headphones. As she passed by, a guy called out "What kind of radio is that?" She had to slow and kind of turn as she jogged to reply... "I don't know... it's just a radio" before she continued on.
Here's what was wrong in this interaction. The girl was jogging. The guy was not. His attempt to talk to her required that she pause what she was doing when she had an expectation of being able to continue jogging without interruption. Also why was it important that the guy know what sort of radio she was using? And why should she be expected to tell him? It seemed to me that he asked the question simply because he wanted to get her to talk to him. Not because he had a pressing need to know what sort of radio she had. His reason for asking the question had nothing to do with the question itself. It was all about getting her to interact.
What's so wrong with that? Well, really not much. But there is a socially acceptable way to do it and there is a socially awkward way to do it. This guy did it the socially awkward way. Perhaps a more socially acceptable question might be if they happened to be jogging or walking at the same pace he might have said "I've never hiked on this trail. Is there anything interesting to see further down the path?" or "I'm new to the area. Can you recommend any other hiking trails that might be fun?"
Why this approach is socially acceptable is that it is actually a valid reason for talking to a person and there is the shared experience of walking on the same trail. You both are hiking on a trail. It is reasonable to assume the other person may have more experience with trails in the area than you do and can offer an opinion on them. Asking an opinion opens a valid reason for further interaction.
But if she says "No sorry. Can't talk. Have to run..." then don't pursue her. You are free to attempt to open some communication, but she is free to reject it. Pursuing her despite her indicating that it is not welcome will only make things worse. Never insist that people talk to you if they don't seem to want to.
I guess the simple answer to your initial question is you might be able to open up a reason to interact with a stranger by seeking advice. If you are a stranger to the area and you find someone engaged in a similar activity as you, and the stranger seems like the best person to ask, then by all means ask for their opinion on similar activities.
But if you go out of your way to ask the prettiest woman a question that might be more appropriately asked of someone else, she'll quickly figure out what your real agenda is. Only ask her if she seems like the most reasonable person to ask. (She's the nearest person to you or she is wearing a shirt that reads "I'm an expert on the subject you are interested in" etc.) If you are hiking and there are a couple of dudes around and you have to jog ahead to reach the woman you'd rather talk to, she'll probably quickly figure out that you're just trying to talk to her, not really interested in hiking locations.
Okay, so I've probably rambled on enough. I hope some of this helps answer the question.
_________________
Never let the weeds get higher than the garden,
Always keep a sapphire in your mind.
(Tom Waits "Get Behind the Mule")
01 Apr 2013, 7:28 am
for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.
