NT Girl gives lecture about Asperger's w/ me there

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A girl has several family members with Asperger's and, in a social setting, began telling us all sorts of things about Asperger's, including some unflattering and insulting things, as well as generalizations that are incorrect.

This girl knows me fairly well, and I was sitting right there the whole time. I don't think she has anything against me because she invited me to her birthday party, also yesterday. I really don't think she suspected I have Asperger's.

So if she grew up with immediate family members who have Asperger's and clearly had no idea that I have it too, does that mean I don't actually have it? I even did some aspie things in that gathering, including taking a joke literally in one instance, interrupting a few times, and misremembering that one girl is from the East coast and not the West coast, and like I said, we know each other fairly well.

Asperger's manifests itself so many different ways. If you've met one aspie, you've met one aspie. You might manifest differently from her family. You might be higher functioning. It all just depends.

Except for the fact that nearly all, if not all, "invisible aspies" are female. Men with autism don't have the same pressure, ability, or resources to blend in. If a man doesn't clearly show signs of autism, he likely doesn't have it.

I have never tried to consciously imitate others, nor do I even have the ability to do so, unless I've been doing it unconsciously. I also don't have the processing speed or mental resources to process social situations intellectually, so to the extent I process them at all, it's likely by doing it the same way NT's do it--intuitively.

True. I have some problems with literalness and not knowing certain boundaries and whatnot, but once I've learned I add it to my list of "rules."

I'm definitely an invisible aspie.

See, I don't operate on the basis of "rules," I operate on the basis of feeling developed through trial and error. I couldn't do rules if I wanted to.

You're also a girl. I don't think it's possible for men to be invisible aspies, so if I am not visibly aspie, I think maybe I don't have it.

A very good friend of me has some family with autism and she defined them as 'as*holes'. Basically, they didn't care about others feelings or needs at all. She was used to identify autism with that. Now she has changed her mind (with regard to autism, not with regard to this part of her family).

I don't think this is a question of being NT or Asperger. I think this is just about being a nice person or being an ass.

That's the piece of information I was missing. I didn't connect your username with you being a guy (please tell me I'm right there...?)

I think it's possible. Everyone's minds function differently. Some people find it easier to adapt to social norms, and some find it easier to adjust based on what they observe.

I'm pretty sure she didn't know I had Asperger's or even suspect it though. She knows my family was ultra religious but didn't know my level of religiosity very well, so once when I overheard her trash-talking religion, she caught herself and apologized. I let her know that I hate religion as much as she does.

But anyway, I think if she was concerned about offending me over religion, it doesn't make sense that she wouldn't care about offending me if she thought I had AS. I think she thought I don't.

Also, all the girls at that table were talking about using tasers for self-protection and about different types of dangerous men, including based on this other girl's comments, men with Asperger's.

I think they just don't know what asperger is. If they have some family with asperger or austism, they just assign everything (included the attitude) to that. And of course they think that 'every asperger is like my family'.

Check the comments in this movie:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0392465/reviews?ref_=tt_urv

The movie is about two real people with asperger. You'll find very interesting comments saying, in a nutshell, 'the movie is a fake because a have a familiar with asperger and it's no like that'.

I don't think it's impossible to be an aspie so high functioning that it's invisible to people who don;'t know you well and be a guy. It just happens more often with girls-doesn't mean it never happens with guys. Also some people just meet one person with AS and assume that everyone else is like that person and anyone who isn't doesn't have it.

Not true. I've brought it up before to friends and they said "you seem normal to me". People just get the impression that I'm "shy". Maybe I am shy but I don't like the implication that I'm meek or timid just because I'm not talkative in a group setting. I also interrupt sometimes because there's a delay in the time it takes me to process verbal information - either that or a thought comes to me late after I've missed the proper time to interject, but I speak up anyways because otherwise I will never get a chance. I know people notice this but don't immediately attribute it to aspergers. Also, in graduate school I noticed some of the professors had more overt symptoms than me in some ways even though they were definitely not diagnosed with anything.

I wouldn't say I'm even very shy or socially anxious. There are definitely many others who are much worse. What sets me apart from the socially anxious, the socially inappropriate, and even the aspies is a 100% inability to connect with others, including aspies. People are just so boring an uninteresting, unless they are super crazy. I loves crazy b*tches. lol. Aside from crazy b*tches, or the rare person who shares some of my obsessions, most people are so boring, it's painful to talk to them for any length of time.

This reminds me of a time, I was in the car with a couple of girls I knew and one of there brother has aspergers and she was telling the other girl about it. None of it was offensive, but I doubt the girl suspected I had it or else she wouldnt have been talking so openly about it with me right there. I just listened in and didnt say anything.

And then another time during a group study session at school. Some students suspected a prof (most ppl disliked) had it. They discussed it right in front of me. That made me really nervous.

And yes aspergers does manifest itself quite differently and it can be hard to tell.

Before I "came out", my Biology class were discussing the MMR vaccine controversy. My teacher listed some symptoms of autism, and then said "I'm fairly sure everyone in this room knows someone with autism". I'm fairly sure she was referring to me, wish I'd been able to speak up.

I don't think I'm really THAT shy or socially anxious. People just interpret my lack of "chit chat" that way. So you find most people boring but still try to pretend to connect so that "society" or some vague critical voice in your head won't brand you a "loser" for being a total hermit? I think I heard you say something to that effect earlier. Also, I thought before you said you didn't have obsessions? If you do have obsessions do you consider them part of your real identity or something else?

1. Yes

2. I think I may have posted in January or February sometime that I didn't have special interests. That's because I didn't know what to look for. I definitely have obsessions; however, I have had several aspies question them and/or call them "lame" obsessions. Some of them:

1. myself & my career

2. politics/policy

3. China

4. neuroscience/brain chemistry and my efforts to mitigate or cure my Nonverbal Learning Disorder (new one)

So, basically, I think a "special interest" is something cool and geeky, as defined my ex aspie girlfriend; however, an obsession is something you think about all the time and have a hard time not talking about, or simply avoid social interactions if one doesn't want to talk about it. By this definition, 1-4 are currently very strong obsessions of mine. Since few share them, I tend to struggle to make chit chat. I can do well for a time, but it never moves beyond that; therefore, relationships and friendships beyond the acquaintance level rarely if ever happen.

Some other things that are "interests" and can be used to connect with others in the moment but aren't obsessions

A. Game of Thrones

B. Human relations/social skills/gossip

C. my law school

D. work

E. A few books unrelated to 1-4.

This leaves little on which to connect with others on a deep level.