Im stuck in the kitchen....again....cant go and sit down in my lounge because theres more than 2 people in there, i will feel suffocated if i try. Im 41, i know ive got Aspergers, jus waiting for the diagnosis. Im tired of analysing and apologising, panicing and crashing, my attempts to please and be "normal" are exhausting. Just for once, it would be nice to be me and not who they want or think i should be. The problem is i dont think that they would actually like the real me..... The blatent truth about everything i see and feel would be there for them all to see and so its easier to be a perfectly presented picture of what they want.
Because of how i am i have spent my life as a victim of abuse, an easy target because of my self imposed solitude and my fear of defending myself. Ive always been different and justified other peoples actions, excusing their bad behaviour towards me because i felt in someway i deserved it. I never dreamed that i could possibly be one of so many. I dont want to simply exist anymore, im ready to start breathing the oxygen of a like-minded atmosphere, hello beautiful people